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Just for Grandparents Here is a special place for all our proud grandparents to share their stories with us and other grandparents.

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Old 07-02-2005, 11:54 AM
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My parents took care of ds#1 after he was born & I went back to work at 8 weeks(part time). They told me before he was born they did not expect any pay. After a couple years of dead end jobs I decided to go back to school(college). After talking to my mom she said as long as I was in school then I would not be paying her to babysit(one income only). She would even get my laundry & take it home with her & when I would pick him up my laundry was done & folded. When I started working as a nurse then I started paying her for babysitting. Then when I got divorced we moved into my parents home(I paid rent & babysitting) until I had a few bills under control & the divorce was finalized. I then moved back into my house & I paid my mom for sitting before & after school. I even bought her a nice new winter coat since she had to come over by 6:30 in the mornings that I worked. I even gave her my extra car to have her own car to drive. It was a 74 mustang, it got her around town without having to wait on someone to take her. I have not really worked fulltiime since ds#2 was born in 99, when I did it was at a preschool & he wwent with me. So when she does watch him it is infrequent & she would not consider asking me for pay. In fact in May I was in the hospital with kidney stones & did not drive for a while(end of school too) she drove out here to my house every morning & took him to school then brought him home to me, she would not accept any gas money from me so I gave her a steak from the steer we slaughtered in May, she took that. Sorry so long winded but you asked for opinions. There are some who believe that they owe nothing for child care. I atleast offer when someone watches my kids. If they turn me down then so be it, but at least I offer.
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Old 07-02-2005, 03:01 PM
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Before December I would take care of them and never even think about charging for them, then after taking care of them from from Dec till May 24/7 for only 200.. my mind changed. I loved my gd's very much and they are a blessing to me, but still I charge my daughter now for the simple reason I feel I've been tooken advance of... I feel if she can go for pleasure trips she surely can pay me to take care of the babies.

Even when she is working at times I want her to pay us for the food for the girls as it is her responsiblity to do this and if they would go to a babysitter she would charge much more than I do

Yet I have had mixed feelins on this and I thank you all for the input
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Old 07-03-2005, 12:29 PM
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I've done both. I work for about 6-8 weeks a year in the summer and 4-6 weeks in the fall and my Mother has always watched my kids. She's taken my kids since she stopped working out from her home. She never want's money even when offered. I did pay her for a few years, then last year she said she only wanted gas money but this year (with baby #3) i offered more, she did take it but not at her request. We've bought them stuff as well and paid for stuff for them.

They love their Grandkids and don't want to be paid to play with them. I have no problem paying them though.

They aren't put out by it. If the kids don't go out they come get them anyway.

So to sum up my long speech. I do pay and have no problem paying but they haven't always accepted it.

Amanda
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  #14 (permalink)  
Old 07-03-2005, 08:29 PM
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It All Depends!!

I love my grandsons with all my heart and I watch them several times a year. They are 23 months and 10 months so it is a lot to handle. I have been paid and not paid. There are times when I feel I need to do it just because and other times I need to get paid. My daughter is really pretty fair when it comes to the money. My delima now is she and my son-in-law want to go on a cruise for a week in November, over the Thanksgiving holiday. They just assume I will watch the boys never giving a thought to the fact that it is a holiday. By the way I watch them at their house because mine is too small. So I get stuck and do not know any way to say no without hurt feelings.
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Old 07-04-2005, 06:23 AM
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Mstmc421, how do you usually celebrate Thanksgiving? I personally believe that openness and honestly is always best. It always seems difficult to tell someone, especially someome you love, that he/she has put a requirement on you without your consent. I don't think it would be mean to tell her that you have to think about it (if that is what you have to do) or that you cannot do it. This way DD will know that she needs to consult you in the future. Plus, you won't feel taken advantage of.

Good luck.
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Old 07-04-2005, 09:46 AM
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There's a lot of good advice here. I have always worked fulltime after my maternity leaves and my children were in a family daycare until they reached school age. Both my parents and my in-laws were still working at the time so it never crossed my mind to have my children sat by grandparents on a daily basis. I feel that parents need to be straightforward with their children about babysitting their grandchildren. Personality has a lot to do with how much a person is willing to babysit for free or babysit at all. I know my mom could only handle babysitting in small doses but my dad (60 years old) has taken over since she passed away and he seems to take it all in stride. ONE time, both my sister (4 kids) and I (2 kids) were stranded and he INSISTED to sit for all 6 kids ( 11,9,7,5,3 year olds and an a 6 month old). I said "Are you kidding? I would never be willing to that!" Anyway he did and had everything under control by the time we got back a few hours later!!! THANKS DAD!

I feel comfortable asking my dad to sit 2-3 times a month for 2-3 hours at a time. I ALWAYS tell him that if he has other plans, I have an alternative (even when I don't). I hate to ask him to take the kids for a full day when I work and they have the day off from school or they are sick - this is when I feel I'm taking advantage. He does not need money and I'm quite sure he would not take it if offered in this situation but I don't know where else to place my kids on these occasions.


We were blessed in having a daycare provider who was a very nice and generous woman. She took care of my 2 children throughout the 8 years that I needed a daycare provider. This woman happened to be a grandmother herself. It really bothered me when I'd get there after work and she'd tell me that she was sitting for her daughter's 4 children that evening yet again - especially since she sat for two of them for free during the day. Over the years I was stunned and dismayed at how her daughter took advantage of her - although I feel it wasn't done consciously. Her daughter always seemed to be in some kind of financial trouble yet would find a way to bring her family to Disneyworld, remodel her home extensively, buy new vehicles etc. and yet never seem to have enough money to pay her mom. At one point, the daughter sold her already nice house to have a new, bigger one built. The bigger one was not built in time. Her mom (my daycare provider) felt bad that her daughter would have to move her family into an apartment until the new house was ready so she decided that she herself would move into an apartment and her daughter could move into her house until the new house was built. So for several months, my daycare provider had her daycare in her daughter's home!
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Old 07-04-2005, 11:27 AM
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Mstmc421
I've learned from experience and from others that so often when you start being tooken advantage of it don't stop it continues until you do put the breaks on

If you do not want to do this, just tell her I can't do it this time. if she gets mad she will get over it and maybe it will be a lesson that will help her to ask and plan with you instead of just taking you for granted.

I hope I haven't offended you, but from experience I've learned as long as I'm there for my daughter when she wants me to it all fine and dandy, I'm not she will get mad but she gets over it for she will need me again.

sugarspicenpuppytails
wow, your dad is a super grandpa all those kids at one time, this grandma NO way
I know taking care of 3 grandkids at one time ages 5,4,2 at that time was a handful when I did it...
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  #18 (permalink)  
Old 07-06-2005, 08:02 AM
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Absolutely! My mom took care of both of my boys until the age of 4. I paid her weekly and on time during an 8 year period. However, I realized that she was more than a babysitter. She was their grandmother and that time, and "grandmotherly" love was worth more than what she wanted to be paid. In addition to payment, I always provided food for the boys. The boys formed a great bond with my mother and they love her so much.
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Old 07-13-2005, 04:48 PM
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My kids are too old to be babysat now but when my Mom and

Dad used to babysit and it was only occasionally not when I would

work. We would often give them a gc to a favorite restraunt as

a way of thanking them though. Grandparents are awesome and I am

so glad my kids are still close with my parents.
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Old 07-19-2005, 01:48 PM
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First off, let me tell you I learned all I needed to know about family values and parenting from my mother... how not to do it...
When my children were small and I went back to work, my mother offered to keep them, so she could spend time with them. After a couple weeks, one day she informed me she was tired of being an unpaid babysitter and I needed to find someone to keep them. Ok... I had offered to pay her! Guess she conveniently forgot that part... So I got my neighbor to sit, and things were fine for a few weeks, then mother called complaining that she never saw the kids anymore... We had been there a few times to visit, but again... selective memory. It was pretty up & down with her... I finally just told her that my regular sitter was keeping them while I worked, and I would give her first chance to keep them when I needed a sitter for pleasure times. It worked fairly well.

Now, with my kids, we work more like one big family. Think a modern day Waltons family! LOL! (we probably fuss more!) When my first grandchild was born, her mama was in high school, so I kept the baby til she finished. And while she worked. My younger DD was also in HS when she had her first, a preemie with major problems at first. She had a lot on her plate, and I was there to help every step of the way. Then she got pregnant again and her second preemie was born 1 year and 1 week after the first... It was a very stressful, scary time, for all of us, but we got thru it all together. At this time my older DD had started nursing school, and got pregnant during her first semester. She took off one semester to have him, then went back. By then she was married and on her own, and my other DD had moved out with her family. My younger DD kept the new baby, plus her 1 & 2 year olds, so I helped her out a lot then, too. Then youngest DD's other half had to have surgery and lost his job, so they moved back in with us. She was unable to work at that time, either, so I did. We work together. We have a most unusual family, but it works for us! My older DD lives next door, and my younger DD & family have moved into a house of their own now, but are only less than a mile away. I keep the 3 boys nearly every day~ they're 5, 6, and 7 now, and quite a handful! When school starts I will probably take them and pick them up, because the parents have to be at work before school time, and don't get home til long after they are out. I don't feel taken advantage of at all. I think families should work together. If I need something, they help and vice versa. We don't count money, whoever has it helps whoever needs it.
And not to leave my son out, he and his wife lived just a few blocks from the hospital when the preemies were born, so had my daughter stay there to be close by. He's just not needed my services as a babysitter very often! When he remarried, his wife had 2 kids, one is older, the other one he adopted at the age of 11. Great kid, but they live in a neighboring town, so I don't get to see him as much as I'd like. But my son, although farther away, and busy, is also available at any moment if someone needs something. It's just the way we work!
I once turned down my daughter when she asked me to babysit, as we had already made plans. I said something like 'I'm sorry honey, we have plans' and she says 'Geez, mom, don't be sorry! It's only the second time you've ever NOT watched them when I asked!' Her hubby, who comes from a very different background (his father won't lend him a nickel without charging him interest!) had a lot of trouble taking 'something for nothing' for a long time... but he's learned how well it works! The other day he gave us a new TV... couldn't see how we could stand to watch our old one... everything was shades of green! LOL!
My considered opinion, in light of my experiences on both sides, is to do it how it works best for your family. And, as in all family things like this, open communication is the key!
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