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Just for Grandparents Here is a special place for all our proud grandparents to share their stories with us and other grandparents.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 06-13-2004, 09:22 PM
lindaljh1's Avatar
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One thing my mother-in-law (mother of 6 children) taught me was that her advice was always available if I asked. She also let me know that I did not have to follow her advice. My job was to be the mother God had called me to be and her job was to support my efforts. I praise God for giving me such a wise mother-in-law!

She liked to take the kids for a few hours twice a month. She had 22 grandchildren and each grandchild felt like they were grandmas favorite. :o)

My mother did not have the patience to babysit, but she loved to have us come over with the children so she could enjoy them. She was a lot of help as I went through my childrens teen years. She just kept reminding me "this too shall pass". And with her encouragement we survived!

Love & Prayers.
Linda

Last edited by lindaljh1; 06-13-2004 at 09:25 PM.
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  #12 (permalink)  
Old 06-13-2004, 11:28 PM
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Linda your mother-in-law was very wise... I have also told my kids that the advice I give them, they can tape a quarter to it and throw it away or to use it... but it was left to them

My ex husb. was spoiled by his mother... and he didn't grow up as an adult until she passed away, but that time he was in his early 50's. what a shame... thank goodness he was not my husband ....at that time....

the bible tell us to let our kids grown up. they suppose to one day to leave the nest and to have thier own families....
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  #13 (permalink)  
Old 07-30-2004, 06:22 PM
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I too am speaking here as a parent and not a grandparent. I will admit that my mom did alot of raising my first two children when they were infants/toddlers. She stepped in and showed me what to do and how to do it, and sent me out to have fun.(the downfall of a teen mother).

But, when I was "old enough" (I use that term very loosely). She left me know. She babysat for them, for pay, while I worked until, I got pregnant with my third child. Than she was offered a full time job(of course much better pay than I was giving her). I told her to take the full time job. No hard feelings. I felt that was her way of saying. "Hello, Karen you are not a child anymore, now take responsibilty for what you have created, I have done my part to help". There were no hard feelings!

She now, will watch them if I have an appt. and at Christmas time when we go to dh's work christmas party, those are the only times I ask her to watch them. She will take the kids by offering to take them from time to time to spend the night with her. Though not often as Dad does not have the patience for kids, like mom does, although he does love them.

Some kids just need to be told at a good time without actually being told, that it is time to grow up and take care of what they have created, a loving, human being!
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  #14 (permalink)  
Old 03-09-2007, 05:43 PM
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Grandparent, Do you feel partially responsible for raising your grandchildren?
I used to, but when the second and now the third grandaughter is here i dont, i come to realize we did everything we could do for our daughter, the drugs and abuse just got so bad with the girls.
Debbie
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  #15 (permalink)  
Old 03-11-2007, 09:35 PM
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I've gone from one end of the stick to the other.
I've have fought not to raise my gd's but knowing that they are better care for and in a stable home with me, I've learned that GOD seemed to have given me a mission and that is to help raise my gd's.
Would I prefer my daughter to, You bet.
but knowing what my gd's goes thru and what is best, then I have to do my best to continue to raise them
Last yr I tried to go for custody of these girls and felt it was what the LORD wanted me to do, but it didn't work out for whatever reason.
This yr once again I'm back in raising them, this time, I'm just spelling it out to my daughter in a loving matter why it is best for me to raise them
for her to love them which I know she does then it would be best for her to allow me to raise them until GOD sees fit for them to go back home to her.
What will occur in the end no one knows but I do know each time these gd's of mine goes home to be with mom, I just pray for them to be safe and happy. If it is GOD's will for them to come back they will.

I think it depends on the situation that is going on with these kids.

I'm also a sub teacher and I'm seeing lots of grandparents raising thier gkids these days due to parents not taking the responsibly
so I have to ask, where did sociality fail to the point grandparents has to raise the kids these days. What happened?
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  #16 (permalink)  
Old 04-05-2007, 09:26 AM
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I'm not a grandparent & don't plan on being one any time soon. I hope y'all don't mind me posting.

Bad things happened to me as a child outside of the home, no family members were involved. When I told my mom she called me a liar. I've since confronted her with them again & her response is the same "Are you sure? I don't remember you telling me. etc.."

The one person I should have been able to run to for help wasn't there for me. Now she & my dad want to help us raise our children. I'm leery. They were good parents. But they allow our children to disobey us & go against our rules. In fact they encourage it. They cause strife in our relationship with them & with our children.

I want y'alls advice as grandparents. What should we do about letting my parents help us raise our children. WE DON"T WANT HELP. We don't need it. We aren't asking for it.

Once in a rare while we'll call and ask them if they will watch our children for a few hours. If they say yes. Great! If they say no that's great too.

But if they call us out of the blue wanting our children & we already have plans, they accuse us of keeping their grandchildren from them. NOT!!! That's not it at all. We love it when they call to talk to the children. The children love to visit with them. They take them camping, to the movies, out to eat, boating, etc... It's great & fine with us as long as we don't already have plans.

They've even asked us to keep our ds home instead of sending him on his Boy Scout camping trip so they could visit with him. We said NO of course. My parents live 5, yes 5, houses down from us. We see & talk to them once a month MAYBE. My children are the ones that call them the most.

Please help me. What should we do.

(((HUGS)))
Shelley


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  #17 (permalink)  
Old 04-05-2007, 12:44 PM
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Shelley,first WOW...both my parents have passed away and I didn't need their help raising my children,actually they were not the nicest people in the world and never should have been parents and certainly not grandparents...though my mother always butted in where she didn't belong...and it just made me more determined to give my children the love,kindness,stability and guidance that they needed to grow into young responsible adults...

I don't blame you for not wanting them to help raise your children...You and your husband are raising your children,providing for them,being there for them,giving them love,guidance,patience,stability and above all the knowledge to become responsible adults...

I have 5 grandchildren,and our angel Nicole in heaven,but I would never dream of trying to raise my grandchildren...that is their parents responsibility...If anything was ever to happen to any of my children and I was asked to take my grandchildren and care for them,then yes I would do it...but I would not step over the line and assume that my children need me to raise their children...

That is not right that your parents are encouraging your children to disobey and go against your rules...maybe you need to explain to your parents that they are your children,not theirs and that you don't want help raising your own children...never asked for their help and that you don't want it...Put your foot down and tell them straight out what is what...They are your children and you are doing a wonderful job raising them without your parents help...

It is great that your parents want to spend time with their grandchildren...but not when they are encouraging your children to disobey or disrespect you and your husband...that is just not right....

Take care
Smiles & Hugs
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Last edited by BuddyBeanieBaby; 04-05-2007 at 12:46 PM.
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  #18 (permalink)  
Old 04-07-2007, 04:59 PM
Shelley Kunkel's Avatar
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When my parents butt-in we let them know they are our children we are doing what we think is best for them. They are controlling parents. I've NEVER heard them tell me they are proud of me. They tell my younger brother & sister how proud they are of them in front of me often. It hurts but I don't let them know. I just smile.

I had a good relationship with my dad's parents. I miss them A LOT. They were like parents to me. They wouldn't hesitate to discipline me either. But I respected them.

My parents never earned my respect. They are do as I say not as I do parents. That's hypocritical. I don't respect hypocrites. They talk about everyone behind their backs but not to their face. That's wrong. I on the other hand won't say anything about you that I won't say to your face. I choose my words carefully not always wisely.

My parents are afraid of me. They lie to others about me. I wish they'd change their ways. I accept them the way they are. I'd like them to accept me the way I am. Maybe one day they will. Maybe they won't.

TTFN.
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  #19 (permalink)  
Old 04-28-2007, 07:29 PM
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Shelley, it is sad that parents can be like that. My first dh had parents like that and they were a very unhappy family. I am so fortunate that my mum (Marj) is very supportive of each of us - dad passed away when I was 14, Megrayau was 11mths, so I can't say about him but am sure he would have been like mum. Mum may not like our decisions etc but she doesn't butt in. She used to butt in at times, but a few loving conversations and we all came to the understanding of where we are now. It is sometimes hard for our parents to accept our decisions especially if they grew up in a much different situation. Now I am a mum of adults and have grandchildren I know more where mum was coming from sometimes, too. My dd is expecting her first and already I hear thiongs I don't like but am continually asking God to shut my mouth for me!
In our family we all tend to be 'bossy' with
each other but try very hard not to overstep the mark with our nieces and nephews and grandchildren. The only time I do is if they are in our home and there is a blatant misuse of something or a situation that either the parents are not aware of or have not dealt with, or if they abuse the known standards. Table manners etc are one example.
You are very gracious with your parents, well done!
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  #20 (permalink)  
Old 10-14-2007, 07:14 PM
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I am a g-mother rasing 3 g-kids, no it was not our choice, or any other reason a lot of people think, our daughter abandoned 2 kids first, then took the youngest with her, did not know where they where, until one cyf brought her to us because of living in a crack house and out on the streets, We thought we raised our girls right to, one chose to be on drugs, and no matter what we did shes still on them, our other chose a different path. Before people make judements you have to be in there place, now all 3 g-kids could be anywhere, alot of us raising our g-kids is because of abuse, abandoment, drugs.
DEBBIE
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