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Old 08-24-2007, 10:04 AM
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Pregnant with one and only..........

Hi all ~

I'm kind of new but I'm not. I've been more of a lurker than a poster. I thought that I would post and see if I could get some insight.

DH and I after 15 years of marriage are expecting our first baby and only baby in December. We have been through a lot in the last 5 months and can finally enjoy this pregnancy (I hope). Oh, we didn't have complications due to the pregnancy, to make a long story short, my OB found a solid mass on my one and only ovary and I had to have surgery to remove it at 19 weeks pregnant. Well, baby survived surgery but ovary did not, so we will be a one child family once our little peanut arrives.

What I was wondering is if there are any of you out there that are parents of only one child either by choice or not by choice? How did your or are your children doing? Our child won't have any cousins close in age (18 or older) to play with. Are they happy? I have one niece that is an only child and she lived a VERY sheltered life, but really didn't turn out bad, she is actually a very nice young lady. She is 19 now and living on her own and doing very well. I have never heard her say anything about wanting or wishing she had siblings.

I'm having a very hard time with the fact that I can't have another biological baby, but I am truely thankful that our baby survived the surgery as I was at risk of going into preterm labor with the surgery. I haven't pin pointed just why I'm having a hard time with this fact (no more kids) but when I'm by myself, my mind goes into overdrive and I find it hard to enjoy and concentrate on our little peanut. Now that all of the medical issues of mine are over (keeping fingers crossed) I absolutely love being preggers and would enjoy it that much more if I could concentrate on it instead of the future.

Well, I don't want to keep going on and on about this but I sure would like to hear from others out there that are parents of only children............Thank you all in advance.

April
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Old 09-01-2007, 06:07 AM
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April,
I had only one child. It wasn't exactly the plan -- we always thought we'd have two, but time got away from us and it just didn't happen a second time.

My son is now 22, and we had him after five years of marriage.

He's an incredible kid -- very bright and personable. Because he was an only, I think he learned to be self-sufficient and able to amuse himself without needing others to entertain him. I don't know if that's personality or circumstances. Because he was around adults a lot, he developed an ability to converse with anyone, a skill I still see him use now.

I know there must have been times that he wished for siblings. He and I have talked about it, and he said that, in balance, he knows that he got many more opportunities that he wouldn't have had if there were more kids in the family.

Because I always worked outside the home, I had him in day care situations where he could interact with other children of all ages because I felt that was an important experience for him to have. It seemed to me that he was always very patient with younger children, and I wonder if that wasn't a product of not having to be that way all the time at home. He often showed leadership, even as a young child, and I know that the day care center he attended often had him doing activities with groups of younger children because of it.

We've been transplants away from family all of his life, so he didn't have any cousins close in age or in proximity. He's always made some friends where we've lived and seemed comfortable with them and by himself.

I am so incredibly proud of him, so I believe he's turned out okay, well, at least so far!

Hope this helps a little.

Liz
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Old 09-01-2007, 08:10 AM
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My son is an only. He was born 14 months after I was married, in December also. 14 months later Daddy was killed. It looks like he will be my only. I'm too old now to have any more. lol He will be 11 this year and I think that he has had more opportunities to do things that he wouldn't have been able to do if there were siblings. For his 10th birthday my boyfriend took us to Disney and on the cruise. He might have not had that experience with other siblings. I dont think its bad being an only. I was an only till I was 11. Yes I wanted a sibling, but once I had 2 I sometimes wished that I was an only. lol

What about adopting? I would still love to do that with a child that is around my sons age.
Tammy
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Old 09-01-2007, 11:40 AM
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Hi April,

This is my experience. My husband and I have one child, our son, Joshua. We knew we could NOT afford to have more, so we never have. Joshua is 16 now, and a very nice young man. Very patient with kids younger than he is. I think because he never had to deal with sibling rivarly. He has a lot of friends, gets along with all kinds of people. He has told me he is happy that he is an only child.

When your new baby comes, wrap it with love and I am sure it will turn out fine.

Good luck to you!!!
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Connie

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Old 09-04-2007, 05:32 AM
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I, also, not by choice had only one child. I was told after my son was diagonosed with SCIDS, better known as the "Bubble Boy" illness, not to have any more children due the risk of having more children born with the syndrome. Matt survived his transplant with glowing colors, but the marriage did not. Because he wasn't allowed to play with other children till he was 6, we are best friends. He is now 23. I married again at the ripe old age of 37, and since my husband was not able to have children, we decided that is was best to be a family of three. I know that at times Matt wished he had a sibling, someone to hang with, but he has never, ever voiced that to me. He is a fine young man, giving and with a great sense of humor.
He truly is the definition of his name, Gift from God....for whateverpurpose he has on earth, he is one lucky child to be here. Besides almost dying at 9 months, I went into labor at 27 weeks, and then was overdue. He really is a survivor.
I feel blessed to have him enriching my life and although my dreams of a baseball team of boys...sorry girls! not a girl mommy...did not come to reality, I am glad I that I had the experience of being a Mom. His friends have been my surragote children. The home was the hang out when the were young and they still come to visit when in town. So I never felt like I had one child.
Don't feel bad that he will be the only one, be glad that he is the onel


Congratulations......savor every moment, the time goes by so quickly!
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Old 09-04-2007, 07:08 AM
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Liza,
I have tears in my eyes reading this. My son and I have a very close bond also. Its been him and I since he was 14 months when Daddy was killed. My boyfriend moved in 2 1/2 years ago when he was 8, but it was the 2 of us for so long and at the most impressionable ages. I only wanted to adopt children, but so thankful that "my mistake" was made and that my husband got to spend the first year of his life with him.

You are so right about spending and savor every moment. It seems like yesterday that he was in first grade and now he's in fifth. Time goes way too fast. As a daycare provider, I wish that all parents would understand that and spend as much time as you can with them. Soon they wont want to be with Mom and will want to be with their friends.

Your son truly is a blessing.
Tammy
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Old 09-04-2007, 11:34 AM
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I am a single parent of an only child. When I discovered I was pregnant I was thrilled, however I knew my boyfriend was not going to be nor would my parents. I always wanted alot of children but at 34 that wasn't happening. I had no intention of marrying my boyfriend, I knew it would never work out, beer and gambling on horses were more important than pretty much anyone or anything else.
I knew he was going to be my only child. I already had only one ovary when I was 19, I had a mass growing on one ovary and had to have it and the ovary removed. The summer after my son was born for other medical reasons I had a hysterectomy. I know he would have liked to have a brother or sister. We live a few blocks from my sister and her family, her son is six months younger than mine, so they really grew up together and are very close to this day in many of the same classes in school and on the same baseball team.

His dad and I were together till my son was around 7, he couldn't take the "boring" everyday familylife. My parents helped me out tremendously, they watched him for me everyday I worked till he started kindergarten, I even enrolled him in preschool near my parents home. My dad used to meet me at a half way point between my home and theirs, he would take my son home with him and i went to work. I went to their home most everynight had dinner with them and went home. This arrangement was wonderful, my son is so close to his grandparents especially my dad. From kindergarden to 4th grade my neighbor and my sister watched him afterschool till I got home, but grandpa missed him, so grandpa came out to my house to be there when he got off the bus each day.

His dad has always been around, he comes out very often and does help out alot. I have no regrets at all about being a single mom of an only child. I would have loved to have more children, but when I see how much my brother pays for his three children for things it amazes me. Just to get into Disney World or any amusement park is a fortune for one child never mind three, same goes for paying fees for sports teams, equipment and even buying sneakers. One child is much cheaper than a few children. My son and I have been on many vacations, even travelling to Hawaii two summers ago. I could not imagine being able to pay for that with more than one child.

My son is beginning his senior year of High School tomorrow. He is a great kid. I cannot tell you how many people compliment me on what a great kid he is. He does very well in school and in sports. He excels in baseball and is being recruited by a number of colleges now. I am very proud of my son, he is truly a good kid very independent, very polite, a good cook, he can do laundry and he is wonderful with my parents especially now that they are up in years.

Your child will be fine and so will you, there are many more only children these days that of years ago. Your child will make many friends and will have a wonderful loving life. Good Luck !
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