When Cancer hits home

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  • Just wondering how others get through, when dealing with cancer? DH has skin cancer, we've been fighting this for a year now. We though he was going to be fine, but in March he had lymph nodes come up. They first treated him for a viral thing, when that didn't work, they did a biopsy that came back with skin cancer in the lymph nodes.

    We survived the first round with just radiation, but this time he has chemo and radiation. My world is upside down and backwards. I am forgetting things, never on time and just don't plain have it together anymore.

    Without fail, I am still reading the Bible and prayer, even have prayer walks with the puppy, but I still feel so out of control.

    How do you survive?
  • I was forgetting to pay bills when DH was going through his cancer because I wasn't keeping track of the date. Get a big calendar and mark what needs done each day on it so you and DH know what needs to be done. Even marking clean toilet as an item insures it gets done once a week and mark the items off as they are done.

    Or make a daily/weekly list of what needs to be done and cross it off when finished. Let people help out be it picking up 5 items at the grocery while they are there saving you 30 min to helping with the yard or whatever relieves some pressure from your shoulders.

    I'm sure I lost a couple of customers over not getting things done as quickly as "normal" and not getting one or two orders placed on time but the priority wasn't on the job.

  • Bernice, sorry to hear of your troubles and I wish dh the best result with his treatments.

    Also agreeing with Roberta here. The priority is yourself and dh. If you get truly behind on a bill, call the company and have them put a note in the file about why, re-cancr, and that will help for everyone gets touched by this and most struggle too like you said.

    At one point I had to ask friends and family not to call because it was always during dinner hour and it was the only time we had as a family from the normally hectic pace of life.

    My lists were regional. The errands were divided into north of town, west, south, east, and town center. oh yes, and home based lists were...today, tomorrow, later this week, and this month.

    Talking with someone professional helped me share and unload my feelings and thoughts so I was able to concentrate on the daily mundane. Each week I could visit the 'talk office' and when I left after that hour, I could 'leave' my troubles behind, and go forward with the things of life that take so much time. It was a way of giving boundaries to the concerning thoughts, telling those thoughts to take their turn.

    Also, address with your dh the what if's so you can settle your mind about those things. What if he dies from this...ask him about remarriage or retirements or funeral preferences etc. Opening up discussion to the what if's gives fear a face and becomes less threatening.
  • Robert D and Ellenmelon, thank you for input. You gave me some great ideals. I think later I will sit down and start me list and divide things up and make a calendar to help me keep track.

    I am feel so stressed, but I have to work so we have some income. DS, who is 17 is helping me out quite a bit. He is scared to leave the house and will only see his GF when I am home. I know others have it harder, but there are times when this just plain overwhelms a person.

    I have a very understanding Boss and that helps out tremendously, but with only one income, I need every penny.
  • Very good tips. I can't think of anything to add. Having lost both parents and my son to cancer, I understand the stress. Some days I was just plain numb and did everything in a daze.
    Prayers for you and your dh and son.
  • Reading thro' this I was trying to think
    of something to help you Bernice. But outside of
    bills etc do try to spend time with hubby doing things
    you both like if he feels up to it. Bless your son for
    being such a wonderful son. Otto & I did silly things
    important things like church. And talked a lot about down
    the road if he should not be with me. Thank God for that
    as it was a blessing to me. In my prayers Bernice.
  • Thanks Pag36. I sometimes feel so isolated. Lost..... This past Friday was horrible, I thought at first he was having a heart attack, but it turned out to be blood clots. They life flighted to Memphis. Spent all weekend ICU. Things are much better & he is on a regular heart/lung floor. I am so thankful he still here & getting better.
  • Bernice you are very welcome. I hope he
    is able to come home with you soon. We also took a lot of
    pix which I cherish now for sure. God called my Otto home
    Oct 18th of '95 day after my b'day. We lost my dear Mom
    Jan 7th of '95 day after my brother's b'day. So when Otto
    was still in hosp on 17th I knew in my heart I would lose
    him next day. Did a lot of praying that he would go peacefully
    and he did. You and hubby are in my prayers.
  • same here Bernice, thinking of you and your husband, too - take care and cherish
  • Hopefully the blood clots have been dissolved by now and he is on his way to healing.