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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 05-19-2005, 06:51 AM
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I agree! Dh's family has so many bp'ers and depressives in it.... .we could help each other so much IF we could only talk about it. Can't do that though..... Funny thing is I do talk about with my kids. They will be educated, peroid. That is why we do not get along with dh's family at all. We raise our kids a comptely different way ...... we are soooo werid. LOL
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Old 05-19-2005, 10:30 AM
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chuckle

My family is pretty lucky (even if we are all over the edge We can all pretty much talk about our symptoms, meds and feelings. We can even tease each other about it all to some extent since we all know where the others are coming from.

But it didn't use to be like that. It used to be taboo to bring it up "Just smile and pretend everything is okay. Nothing unpleasant here today!" Ugh!! I finally blew up at my mom & uncles and told them to deal with the issues, accept them as part of who we are and learn to function and treat them. It took a while but we all much prefer that we can now lean on each other when needed and be there for each other when needed.

The only time I don't like talking to my mom about things is when I am really horribly down. And it's not that I don't trust her, it is the fact that it hurts her and makes her sad when I am not doing so well.

Nothing worse than having someone you love in pain and not being able to fix them. It makes a person feel very powerless and out of control to go through that. As panhandler said - it can cause the non bp spouse or loved one to become depressed themselves. It happened to my husband. Luckily he went on Zyban to quit smoking and since it is in actuality Wellbutrin, an antidepressant, he started noticing a huge difference in himself.

I hope it helps to hear from "the other side". I have no problem talking about these things if anyone has questions (as long as I take my pills anyhow!)


Hugs to all!
Erica
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  #23 (permalink)  
Old 05-19-2005, 01:07 PM
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Dear bluebird, God bless your heart> I certainly feel for you. There are no easy answers. I know the Bible says that God will not lay on us more than we can handle, but will provide us a way out. Some times, my faith is severely tested, I often wonder how much more can I take? I certainly will pray for you.
I think you have pretty much empowered yourself. There is a time that we all are responsible for ourselves and our actions; there is only so much that we can blame on our disorders. When a person becomes aware of right and wrong, I believe it's there that we learn to control ourselves. I'm thinking about my ex's son, who is also bi-polar and without meds or psycho-therapy. After a while, enough is enough. Stop it with the stupid ***, and be an adult!! Treat others the way you want to be treated.
Sometimes, I think we need to return to being able to commit someone, even if they are over the age of 18, when there is proof that there is some sort of mental illness involved. We can't help having the disorder, nor can we help how it effects our body, but we can control quite a bit of our actions with the help of meds and therapy, esp. behavior modification!! Good luck to you dear! Know that we all are rooting for you!
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Old 05-19-2005, 03:57 PM
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Im so so sorry Bluebird...I really really hope things start looking up for you and yours.

I was recently put on Zoloft and so was hubby...I hope *pray* that it works for me..Im so sad and depressed all the time. I think it has helped hubby thou, he has calmed down alot with his anger!! I feel so bad for him too cuz he is so stressed and works swing shifts..so I cant imagine how he was feeling.
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Old 05-19-2005, 07:35 PM
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Sorry..I don't agree that a bi-polar patient knows the difference between right and wrong while in the throws of mania i(f they are not receiving treatment for the disorder).
Meds and therapy for any mental illness is just like wearing glasses for myopia. Would you tell someone to throw their glasses away, stop being self-indulgent and just force themselves to see clearly?
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  #26 (permalink)  
Old 05-20-2005, 07:05 AM
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I know my dh uses his mental illness to hide from issues he doesn't want to face. One, he is irresponsible in our marriage, family life and around the house. Two 'we' don't get along with his family. He refuses to accept thier role in the problems and thinks if he 'offers' himself up then the kids and I should too. Three, he has some serious issues with his mom. In the 23+ years I have known this family, I have never seen his mom act lovingly to dh. Never. I have seen her be polite, at times nice. The kids and I are treated the same way. I refuse to lay down and allow people to walk all over me. And he refuses to face reality. We thought our Explorer would be totalled ( we were wrong!) so we each were looking at cars. I looked at a used SUV and figured the payments. NO way. Will not pay that much for a car. What was dh looking at? Brand new, off the showroom floor, four door pickup. The new one with the tiny box. $35,000. This man is got to be crazy to think I would ever agree to spend that much. We can't afford and even if we could, it goes agains the grain of my being to spend that much money on a car. He knows we can't afford that but since he is not dealing with the mental illness issues, he can daydream. Time to wake up and smell the coffee and deal with the real world.

Can you tell that we didn't get the pool up and running last night? Someone couldn't remember how to put the screws in the skimmer.... then he couldnt do this or that. And he had to keep watching the sky... Guess ET was going to come down and help us? Since the cover is off, but the skimmer and pump are not attached, my backyard will smell like pond water today. Gross.
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  #27 (permalink)  
Old 05-20-2005, 07:53 PM
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My dh figured out how to paypal on ebay. Every once in a while I hand him the checkbook and the pile of bills and tell him to figure it out
Excessive spending is yet another symptom of bi-polar. So is the magical thinking!
Another common thread is the family of origin being more concerned with appearance rather than seeking help with unpredictable behavior.
dh also can't remember how to put anything back together or where he left it in the first place. I have become very handy
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Old 05-21-2005, 04:50 AM
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He must have known how upset I was getting. He finished putting the pool parts together while I made dinner last night. We ran the filter all night will add chemical today and hopefully have a crystal clear pool tomorrow. He wasn't very happy about his doctors appt on June 3 but he knew enough not to complain. He will get a complete physical. We need to know if the wanting to sleep all the time has a physical reason or not. Also the doctor can talk to him about getting surgery on his shoulder.
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Old 05-21-2005, 02:28 PM
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All I wanna do is sleep too!
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  #30 (permalink)  
Old 05-30-2005, 12:59 AM
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Was wondering how everyone was doing. My dh and I have been doing yard work so I've lost touch.
Hope everyone is able to enjoy the long weekend.
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