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barbszy 10-07-2004 03:17 PM

Death of a Friend
In the past couple of days I have come to know that a friend of mine is dying. She has had cancer for 5 years.

During the past couple of years we have had our disagreements about things, and because I have a toddler and she has a large dog (not really well trained), visits haven't happened.

Now I am feeling bad that I didn't make more of an effort. It's basically too late to do anything about it, since she pretty much is unconscious at this point.

Just had to vent. I know the guilt will not go away for a long time. :(

Abear 10-07-2004 05:38 PM

Get a sitter for Luke and go talk to her! Tell her everything you want her to know. Just because she is unconcious doesn't mean that she can't hear you.

You'll be in our prayers.


bar_bar 10-08-2004 02:35 PM

Oh Barbz, I'm so sorry to hear of this saddness, but I do agree with Abear...
I know I believe with all my heart that my step daddy heard me up to his death... I could be wrong, but I have to hold onto that, and if nothing else you are going to feel better if you do this....

and remember forgiveness comes from the LORD and you... and you cannot hold this against yourself... Plus like I was told when I was so worried about John that we cannot predict when death will happen...

Plus this could be a lesson for others to come to realize that life is short and we need to make the most out of life...

for now get a sitter and go and stay the day with your friend or however long you want and open up to her...

sending hugs to you dear... bless your heart....
was this one that was put on the prayer chain?

barbszy 10-09-2004 04:24 PM

Yes, Barbara, this is the one I asked for prayer for on the prayer chain board.

Tonight I did get a chance to visit her for a while. She is in a hospice care unit in the hospital. Her DH had a triple bypass Thursday AND has to have a pacemaker put in tomorrow (different hospital). The 2 kids (high school) are staying with friends. She had a wonderful nurse today who was going off duty when I left, and he said that he would not be back until Tuesday so he said goodbye to her. He really did take great care of her and I thanked him for that.

She is not too lucid but she did know me. Mostly I just was quiet and held her hand. She is sometimes agitated and looks for cigarettes.

After a while some other friends of hers came, and I stayed a little longer and then when still more visitors came, then I went home. I don't know if I will be able to get back. Her kids aren't going to see her. I don't know what to do for the family; they are going to need so much.

bar_bar 10-09-2004 06:08 PM

I'm glad you got to go and visit with her... what saddness.

of course you know above all prayers is the best thing, but at times like this the feelings of what to do is so helpless...

maybe you could offer if you can to help with the children, and when he gets home to take some food over there.

How are you doing dear?
Also how do you feel after the visit with her. for that is important too...

sending hugs to you along with prayers.

sharonmarsh2001 10-11-2004 02:21 AM

Oh Dear, I know how you feel about talking to someone that is unconscious. When my daughter was 6 years old she was in a coma. I talked with her all the time, and told her that we all loved her...and that we wanted her to hurry up and get day her little eyes fluttered open and she said "OK". It was the happiest point in my life I think. She is now 35 years old.
Go talk to your friend...she hears you. :) And God is there holding her hand too. Please don't feel guilty about not going to see her...we all have busy lives these days. She will understand.

Sharon Marsh

barbszy 10-11-2004 02:42 AM

Bar_bar and Sharon, thanks :typ: I really needed the support. Sharon, what a wonderful thing that happened with your little girl! :clapp: And by the way, welcome to Family Corner! From your caring words I can tell you will fit in just fine here :angel:

barbszy 10-11-2004 08:40 AM

Well, to all of you who have posted here or even just read....thank you so much for listening. It means a lot :heart2:

I got a phone call this morning that Irene went to heaven during the night last night. :bawl:
So it is a sad day here. I am glad, though, that I went to be with her and hold her hand during part of her final days. I was feeling very agitated Saturday evening, and I just knew in my heart that I could not relax until I had spent some time with my friend. So I got back in the car and went right to the hospital.
Thanks again :heart2:

Abear 10-11-2004 09:06 AM

Oh Barb I am so saddened to hear that!

Her poor children and DH. Did her DH have the pacemaker surgery yesterday as planned?

One can only imagine what that family has been through in the last few months & weeks. :( :(

Everyone will be in our thoughts & prayers.


sharonmarsh2001 10-11-2004 12:34 PM

Dear Barb,

I am so sorry you are sad. I don't think your friend would want you to be sad...she is no longer in pain, and she is in the arms of our Father. So take heart dear.

I know what it is like to loose a friend. A few years ago, my best friend Dennis took his own life. I was the last to see him alive. It was really traumatic on me, and my friends put out a suicide watch on me. I was not left alone at all for several weeks. The funeral was a packed house and I gave the eulogy...that was really hard. My daughter said there wasn't a dry eye in the house as I read the poem I had written. I couldn't see either for the tears.

So head up dear...time will heal your heart.


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