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Family Love/hate relationship with your sister in law? Situation with your Mom? Plenty of things to talk about here.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 10-17-2011, 03:05 PM
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Try and remember things do get better my dd has been clean for 21 years now and is a responsible and caring person. even if I hadnot been so lucky you must do what is needed to save your own sanity
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Old 04-18-2013, 08:50 AM
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I can't believe it's a year and a half since I opened this thread. And here I am - my son will be 21 in two months, and he's still here. He was gone for a little over a month when my brother took him in for me and taught him the homeless ropes down in Chicago. My brother was homeless for 3 years and now has a job and lives in a cruddy hotel, but at least he isn't homeless anymore. I don't know if he learned anything, I thought he had. But all it did was scare him a bit and then make him fall into the same old promises. I've decided again to give him until Wednesday to be employed. If he isn't, I'm driving him to the homeless shelter and he'll have to figure things out on his own. I can't keep doing this.

Thank you to everyone who replied here. I really appreciate your support and you sharing your stories!
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Old 04-18-2013, 09:21 AM
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Praying for you and your son Amanda so
very sorry you are going thro' this
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Old 04-18-2013, 12:42 PM
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My grandson didn't like working and his dad told him if he didn't work , he would be living in a cardboard box. Robert didn't care if he lived in the street. Until I told him he would be eating out of garbage cans and bins sitting behind restaurants. He said there was no way he was eating out of garbage cans. All I had to say was No Work, No Money, No Food.
He changed his whole outlook. He has a good job working in an insurance office, married and twin boys. And he has told me he is glad he has a job. He is a good hubby and father and helps with the boys. And I tell him I am proud of him.

Prayers that all works out for your son. Prayers for you to do what you know is right.
Big hugs.
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Old 04-18-2013, 01:46 PM
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Sending prayers for you both, I know this is soo hard on you also
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Old 04-18-2013, 06:46 PM
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I will be praying for you two.My son was and is a alcoholic. I had to try and enforce The law of not coming unless sober. lots of issues but that is the worst. I didn't want to do it but sometimes you just plain can't cope with someone else's problems and you shouldn't have to. I talk to my son randomly , and it hurts me that things are the way they are but I just couldn't stand the fighting and yelling and so on. My son works steady, but he tears himself up over the past. I keep praying he will turn to God and will stop drinking.
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Old 04-19-2013, 05:35 AM
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Amanda, you are in a tough situation but I think you are doing the right thing. As long as he is enabled at home, he is never going to grow up, get a job, and take responsibility for himself. When my dd graduated high school, I gave her two choices - she could either go to college or get a job. She chose college (two year program) and once she got her Associates degree she went out and got a job. I think it took her a couple extra years to grow up but it worked. Perhaps once your son experiences what it is like to go without and be homeless, he will appreciate all you have done for him, realize that you WORKED for what you have and will then start getting his life together. I often think it is harder on the parents enforcing the touch love than it is for the children to go through it. You and your son are in my prayers!
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Old 04-20-2013, 03:23 PM
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Thank you again ladies! You are all so supportive and I truly appreciate it

My husband and I talked about it again. Tony will be 21 mid-June. He keeps swearing up and down that he is going to get his CDL through one of the trucking companies that still offer the license training and then he'll be going on the road. So we are giving him until then. He can't get his CDL until he's 21, so none of the companies will take him yet. We've decided that once he heads off to a trucking company that's it. The door is locked behind him. If he screws that up and doesn't make it work he's on his own. There's just nothing more I can do. I have been hounding him to get a job and he claims he's trying, but I just don't see it. All I can say is he better not screw things up with the trucking companies or he's in for a rude awakening!
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Old 04-21-2013, 11:22 AM
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Amanda, you can hound just so long and then you have to put your foot down. Kids are not going to go on their own if we enable them to live at home and for nothing. Some kids are ready to go out in the world right out of high school and others are not. They are like the little birds that mama has to push out of the nest.

It is very hard on parents to have to push kids out but we have to have tough love. We do it for their own good and sooner or later they do realize that.
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Old 04-21-2013, 12:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by seleach View Post
Amanda, you can hound just so long and then you have to put your foot down. Kids are not going to go on their own if we enable them to live at home and for nothing. Some kids are ready to go out in the world right out of high school and others are not. They are like the little birds that mama has to push out of the nest.

It is very hard on parents to have to push kids out but we have to have tough love. We do it for their own good and sooner or later they do realize that.
Thanks Sharon. I just wish he had somewhere to go. He pretty much has no friends left, so he has left himself with no other options. While he's hard headed and can be a real jerk, he's not a complete monster. That makes it even harder. I know he loves me and he trusts me, but I also know that he's manipulating me. That's what makes it all so hard. He tells me he's trying, but I know better. I just wish it wasn't so hard
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