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Family Love/hate relationship with your sister in law? Situation with your Mom? Plenty of things to talk about here.

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Old 06-09-2008, 10:30 AM
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Need advice-Not wanting to go to baby shower

I am hoping that all you ladies can give me at least advice if not direction here!

My niece is due at the end of July. Apparently they are having a baby shower for her, that I never got an invite to. I just got a message from my sister(mom of preg niece) Wanting to know if I am going to the shower and if I wanted to go together with her to get "baby" something nicer.

Now, here is my first complaint. My DS is only 1 1/2. I had just one week before she announced her pregnancy donated all my baby baby stuff to a resale store. When I told my niece that she just sort of stuck up her nose and said something in the line of Oh, oh well, I am sure I will get all new things anyway I don't think I would need it!! All the stuff I had was given to us that had only been used for one child, that is the stuff that was given to me. The rest I ended up buying brand new! I had a like new baby swing, a baby walker, a brand new baby bathtub, a breast pump, TONS of baby clothing.

And last I am a bit jealous of this shower! I will admit to that. My family never had a shower for me, not even when I had my first baby!?!?!? Why? I have no idea! Shouldn't this have been in the place of my Mom or my sisters? Okay, so I wasn't married when my first two kids were born, and I did have all the stuff left from my first born for my sencond born. But, my third child came 5 years later, and my fourth came 5 years after that, and my fifth came 5 more years after that. I leterally had nothing for my last child, I even had to get all new maternity clothing!

I do have to tell that I did not mind her bridal shower. Which I never had one of those. I think I didn't mind that due to the fact that DH and I moved in together before we married so no hard feelings there.

What are others thoughts on this, my niece and I are not close by any means.(not to mention, nor are my sister and I) I guess I just have a hard nose(jealousy) about this being that I never had a baby shower.

Am I being overly childish by not going for these reasons?
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Old 06-09-2008, 11:26 AM
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As far as I'm concerned, you were never invited to the shower. So you are not obligated to send a gift.

Tell your sister that you will be purchasing a gift on your own after Baby arrives. I'm sure you would have done that anyway. I wouldn't even bother mentioning the lack of invitation, just leave it there. What good would it do if she found that out? (I am assuming that she is not the one giving the shower when I ask that last question.)

I'm personally superstitious about baby showers; I have had one nephew stillborn (just before the baby shower was to be held) and I just feel that it's better to shower the baby with gifts AFTER the birth.

I understand your feeling of jealousy about family going out of their way to spoil some other baby in the family when they never spoiled yours.
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Old 06-09-2008, 06:38 PM
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hi, My nephew and fiance are expecting in a couple of weeks. There is to be a shower and we did not recieve invitations either. We got either a generic phone message or email with info.
This girl, who has nothing, has the same attitude as your neice. They don't even have all their furniture and cooking utensils etc, she quit her job when she found out she was expecting and he is working his dogs off to support them. We had offered to get all sorts of nice things 2nd hand and she said no. She wants all new and no used stuff for her baby. I was making a baby quilt for her and then she wanted pink! It was a beautiful multi coloured blanket, all hand pieced and of course, it was not good enough, so I ended up making another and am keeping this one for my grand baby of the future. My sis was also hurt as we were not allowed to throw a shower, she wanted her shower to be done a certain way and wanted no surprises, so I threw a gramma shower for her! What fun!

Kids, and quite a few of their parents, feel that they are owed everything these days. I don't get it. We had pretty much everything handed down or home made for our children! I even made my own diapers.

I am going to the shower and I plan on having lots to eat! I am not going because of anyone but my nephew and his soon to be baby girl. I know how you feel, but I think you are punishing yourself, you are a good person who had bad things happen. Please ask yourself how you will feel if you don't go. If you are okay with that, then by all means stay home and do something fun for yourself, if not, then go and enjoy yourself for you and nobody else cause you deserve it!

We are also consoling ourselves by thinking about this spoiled self proclaimed princess (yes, she actually thinks of herself that way) in long and painful labour and delivery. Then we think about all the attention the darling little baby is going to get while mommy is pushed to the background. I know it is catty, but hey, it seems to help!
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Old 06-10-2008, 04:23 AM
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Gee, people can be RUDE!!! Cooked, I cannot believe that someone asked you to make a new baby blanket after you had started one! I was thrilled for the handmade baby blankets people gave my children & would never dream of telling someone it was the wrong color.

I would suggest that if someone is a snob about "my baby only can have new" items, buy them a case of diapers for the baby gift. Diapers and wipes are just about the only thing any baby needs NEW!
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Old 06-10-2008, 05:39 AM
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This has become a self-indulgent, 'give me, give me," world. I wouldn't go to the baby shower if I didn't want to, whatever the reason. I don't think you owe anyone an explanation as to why either. If they ask, you can tell them that since you didn't know that you were invited, you made other plans.
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Old 06-10-2008, 06:22 AM
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Barbzy, right on! Deb, that is good advice. I wish I had the guts to do that too! I am just a wimp who, as my mom always tells me, tries to save the world and make everyone happy but me.
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Old 06-10-2008, 06:28 AM
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Cooked, I am married to a peace maker, which is probably what you are. There is nothing wrong with that. I think we are all trying to find that balance between setting healthy boundaries without being mean and being peaceful with everyone. Some of us find the setting limits easier and others find the being nice easier. I wish we could all be perfect and be that perfect balance. lol
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Old 06-10-2008, 08:10 AM
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I would politely decline to your sister if it is brought up again. We did have a shower (thrown by my MIL & close friends, both my parents have been deceased quite a long time) for both boys. But the 2nd one I had a say in, we have the guests bring gifts to donate to the pregnancy crisis center in our area.
anyway...
I agree that if you "want" to do something personal for the baby after it arrives, then that should be up to you.
You should not be made to feel guilty or pressured into attending just because it is family.
There is nothing wrong with gently used items being passed along.
I'm sorry they are shallow & snobby.
You deserve better
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Old 06-13-2008, 09:06 AM
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I guess Im different or maybe there is just something wrong with me.. ( but thats another story)... I would so much rather have a "gift from the heart" than everything new...a passed on baby swing that consoled and comforted a loved one..etc... but hey ... if this young lady wants all new everything.. more power to her.. a year from now she will see the errors in that... dont go to the shower unless you really want to.. and quit letting it bother you, their loss not yours..
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Old 06-13-2008, 08:40 PM
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I am going to "the" shower tomorrow, I will let you know how it goes for me, and maybe that will help you decide. This really bites.
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