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Family Love/hate relationship with your sister in law? Situation with your Mom? Plenty of things to talk about here.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 07-13-2006, 09:05 AM
mgoodcooke's Avatar
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sad really how men dont stick up for their wives and kids many times..mine is the same way gatherings that were smoked filled that i did go to his sisters said all kinds of things like is your engagement ring is so pretty it front of everyone and tom said nothing to defend me..or we were playing some trivial pursuit game and the same sister said when i didnt know the answer oh great you're on my team and you're stupid again no comment from the husband..never did he tell them which there are 5 to back off or defend me in any have to stick to your beliefs otherwise you resent them and are mad at yourself when you are washing the smoke filled curtains and your house smells awful..i had even told my husband that statistics showed that babies especially boy babies were must susceptible to ear infections because of second hand smoke i showed it to him...he knew morethen the professionals.since he has stopped smoking cigarettes but when he's mad at me for something he will light up a huge stogie to stink up the whole upstairs....he does and the scented candles gets lit on the table in the hallway and i spray air freshner so thick that when he walks out of the door with bare feet he gets them wet..........its just self centered ..a lot of people who smoke are very inconsiderate and were more so in the past when no one dared to tell them not to smoke around them......i feel...fine they made the choice to smoke i didnt so i have as much right to breath clean air as they do...and that goes double for my kids and pets.....the inlaws arent invited as much i gave up on having parties but at the last one they commented on how cruel it was to have aquariums of fish and caged birds..we have a ****atiel and a parakeet who are very well taken care of and with cats in the house its probably a smart move that they stay in their cages :-) i have found it easier to stay away fromthe inlaws at this point and have for the past two years, i dont need it.......soon they will all be x in laws anyway no more dealing with them or him. one of his sisters and i had become really close but during the divorce she says she cant be friends with that i say ok she made her choice i myself wouldnt do that someone elses divorce if its not nasty has nothing to do with me. but as far as being friends later ,not going to happen ...where was she when i needed her .....good to stick up for yourself and you are all your kids have to keep them healthy and safe
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Old 07-13-2006, 07:04 PM
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I never have smoked, and come from a family where the majority did not smoke. If I ever had to put up with the selfishness of smokers who came to my home, I KNOW I would not be polite about their inconsideration in another's home.

It's a lot of gall to be in another's home, and take for granted they can do things there that they know the home owners do not like. A total lack of respect.

Now that I'm at the age I am, I no longer am quite as shy as I was when younger. I'd just come out to lay down the rules of my home, and if they didn't like it, I'd show them the door.

Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Cry, and you cry alone.

Last edited by Blondie; 07-13-2006 at 07:10 PM. Reason: mistakes
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Old 07-14-2006, 02:09 PM
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Aurora, first of all, I can get on the add thing pretty fast too, here is my advice. Your posts brought back conflicts I had with my inlaws, only it was about hours of sleeping/lack of naps and safety issues like medicines laying all over, nothing illegal like you are dealing with. Here is my advice.

1. See your dr about medication changes or something to help with the stress so that you can think clearly and not get caught in the middle.

2. Stay in a hotel, make it part of your visit expenses/christmas present or whatever, use the money that way.

3. Meet in restaurants and not at the house, go ahead and explain why.

4. If illegal drugs/controlled substances are involved, you are risking your future and your chilren's if they are at the house and there is a raid, I wouldn't want them anywhere near my house or property, make hotel reservations for them the next time they want to visit. Give them a choice of hotels in a choice of price ranges. This also falls into the area of child endangerment.

5. The USA has seat belt laws. You are liable for not enforcing them for your children, called 'child endangerment.'

It is you and your husband's responsibility to ensure the safety of your children. He must be made to understand this. Show him this post if you must. He is being negligent to excuse the behavior of his parents.
Ellen in PA

"God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of love, power, and a sound mind."

Last edited by ellenmelon; 07-14-2006 at 02:16 PM.
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Old 07-14-2006, 07:57 PM
Bilby's Avatar
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Location: Australia
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Originally Posted by aurora8202
My parents borrowed a neighbors camper/trailer thing and his parents stayed in there for the weekend.
Maybe that campervan to borrow would be an option if all parties are agreeable.

As Ellenmelon says there are all sorts of legal ramifications here, which I never considered, I wonder if you looked up some of the drug law books and let your hubby read them, he may see where you're coming from and at least give him something to think about if they were caught and how it could effect you, fines, jail time, childerens services????
Good luck.

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Old 07-22-2006, 08:01 AM
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I think what happens is the in laws have always probably smoked and had smokers in the family.smokers tend to be self centered and dont want to look bad or feel guilty so they tend to treat you like you are the crazy one protecting your children..they act like you are over reacting we all know better, they want to continue to smoke and dont want to feel guilty about it ..i was told for ever i was over reacting ,there was an air filter in the room , stay in the other room (smoke travels) the window is open.....but i know how smelly and smokey i was when i got home and in knew how awful my lungs felt after hours of them being filled with toxins because others enjoyed a good smoke after dinnner...and it goes on and on smokers have to smoke for everything coffee time , after coffee ,before coffee time....gonna fix dinner gotta have a cigarette everything is a great excuse to have another one so its not like they smoked one or two while you were visiting ...the room you watch go from clear to a misty blue .when my sister in laws kids would come home from school with important info about smoking she would just laugh them out of the room ,they were being silly as well one stopped to think those kids had a right to clean lungs too....and its a form of child abuse a smoker knows what they are doing ,they will do everything they can to rationalize it....good thing the laws have opened peoples more having to sit near the smelly smoking section like the smoke didnt go across a special division its like you cant smell it its not affecting you we are inthe smoking section and you're not ..were you in the same room ? unreal....i dont think they mean to be bad they are addicted and dont want to be uncomfortable about their first love a lot of times above their own kids..their cigarettes.
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Old 07-22-2006, 08:02 AM
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stick to your guns, they are in denial but you dont have to get lung cancer because they are blind to the truth .
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Old 12-02-2016, 12:43 AM
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