Visit for tons of seasonal ideas!
quick link - go to our home page quick link - kid's crafts, family fun, printables, etc quick link - sign up for our free newsletter quick link - holiday crafts, recipes and ideas quick link - gardening, organizing, saving money, decorating and more quick link - our FunBook is filled with lots of quick ideas, tips and crafts quick link - join our bustling community of friendly members

Go Back Forums > >

Family Love/hate relationship with your sister in law? Situation with your Mom? Plenty of things to talk about here.

Thread Tools Rate Thread
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 11-02-2005, 01:15 PM
kmarie67's Avatar
FamilyCorner Newbie
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 1
Trouble With 14 Year Old Son

Hi.. my name is Kelley. I stumbled upon this site while searching for some advice with my 14 year old son. I have custody of him, but he now chooses to stay with his father. He is failing in school, and is not compliaint with all of my house rules. He is playing one parent against the other. Or I should say he started that way any way. Now I'm just out of the loop! I have tried to drag him home and make him stay and go by my house rules, but his father allows him to go there and do what ever he wants. Now the school is saying that we need to do something because the Dad is enabling my son to do what he wants and get away with it. I have tried for months to talk to the father but he will not respond to me. He tells our son that its not his place to be mad at him if he doesn't tell me where he is or where is going to be, but he must call and tell his father. I have spoken with the schools set up counseling and tons of things but his father will not make our son go. Nor will he communicate with me about anything. When I speak to my son and tell him that its important to have rules and stablilty he continues to feel that Dad is where he needs to be. The school now wants to get srs and health services involved. My son's counsler at school is advising me to attend a meeting with everyone involved and turn over my son to his father for full custody since my son will not come home here without running.. My ex husband allows my 14 year old to come and go as he pleases. As well as detentioins, suspensions and failing school. He still allows our son to do what he wants with no consequences, and still no communicating with me. I hear it from the school. I really don't know what I can do. Any ideas? I've done everything from setting up counseling, anger managment, meetings with school and chasing kiddoe down and making him come home. It has all fallen apart and his Dad is allowing our son to fail. Thanks for letting me talk.
Reply With Quote
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 11-02-2005, 04:24 PM
RobertaD's Avatar
Nine Year Member
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Ohio
Posts: 16,481
I feel for you. I would think that you would be able to have your son put into a juvenial dedention center to get the schooling, counciling, etc. that he needs and get him away from his father until Dad grows up. Basically your son has run away from home (you) and his father is not doing anything to return him to his legal home.

I would talk to the school councilor and anyone else you can about your legal resourses to help your son get on the right track. I know in some states you would be legally liable for your son's lack of attendance at school because you have custody of him.

use code TAKE10 for 10% off your first direct delivery order in 2019 with me!
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 11-03-2005, 10:32 PM
trekmom's Avatar
Nine Year Member
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Winnabow, NC
Posts: 4,451
do you and your ex actually have joint custody with you being the custodial parent?? If you have sole custody, where you are the one to make any decisions about what your son does then your ex should be able to be held in contempt of a court order-mainly the custody agreement. If you actually have joint custody-where he also has a say in what your son does it will be harder to get him out of loop. Have you gotten the police involved when your son has gone to his dad?? If you/they don't want to put him in juvenile detention for a while, maybe they'll agree to have him under house arrest where he'll have to go to school and be at your house or they will pick him up and he will have to go to juvenile detention for awhile.
You really need a lawyer, social worker and judge who are willing to look outside the 'box' for a fix to this problem before your son ends up in real trouble. But if none of this is an option it might be to your advantage to give custody to your ex and really make him the responsible adult, he may change and be harder on your son when he realizes that the authorities will come after him if your son isn't going to school, etc.
I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Take care.
We donít know who we are until we see what we can doÖ Martha Grimes
Reply With Quote
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 11-04-2005, 06:25 AM
beckri's Avatar
Seven Year Member
FamilyCorner Admirer
Join Date: May 2004
Location: MN
Posts: 182
I agree with the posters above, as well as your school's counseler. Fourteen year olds aren't always sensible-surprise. I'm sure you can see already that the harder you pull to hang on the harder he's going to keep trying to break away. If there's no concern of abuse, I'd send him to dad.
Reply With Quote
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 11-04-2005, 07:23 AM
bacraig's Avatar
Nine Year Member
FamilyCorner Newbie
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Greenville, TX which is about 40 north of Dallas
Posts: 59
trouble with 14 year old son

Looks like 'daddy' needs the consequences. He is encouraging your son to do the things he is doing. On purpose, probably as a source of irritation and grief for you. Get an attorney before you do as the school has suggested. That will solve their problem and may heap more on to you. Find out from the school attorney what THEY will do for you and your son IF you go to court. Get all the information from the school about what is going on with your son...behavior, what they have tried to do,etc., the meetings that you have made, etc. Be sure to include all types of communication that your ex has had with the school.

Sounds like a family court session is in order. A good judge will tell your ex that if his son does not comply with the school (esp. truency) that HE himself will be held in contempt of court, be fined, go to jail, etc. He is using your son as a way of 'getting' you. HE Sounds like a real jerk and certainly not responsible enough for or WHO deserves custody of a child.

One thing I will caution you about though, IF you do give full custody to him, he can, in most states, come back on you for child support - another way to 'get' you. Which might be what this is all about anyway, IN MY OPINION. Even if the judge says you don't have to pay him support, some laws will allow him to get a re-evaluation after a certain time.

Good luck to you and your son.

Not a native Texan, but I got here as soon as I could!:-)
Reply With Quote
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 11-04-2005, 09:53 AM
Jeannie's Avatar
Nine Year Member
FamilyCorner Junkie
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: In the piney woods of Texas
Posts: 1,185
See a lawyer and get this into Family Court.. they have huge resources to help you deal with this... do it now before it gets totally out of hand....
Get a rise out of life!- Bake Bread!

"A hundred years from now, it will not matter the sort of house I lived in, what my bank account was, or the car I drove....but the world may be different because I was important in the life of the animals and the creatures on this earth."
Reply With Quote
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 11-04-2005, 01:08 PM
Coll's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Greensburg, PA
Posts: 8,381
I really agree with trekmom and the others. Maybe its time your ex takes on the responsibility of raising your son. It seems like they both need to learn the hard way. If you have sole custody you may be able to file incorrigibility charges against your son. that will put him on probation but he'll live with you. He will have many rules to follow~attend school, have a curfew, chores, etc. Doing this will amaze you at how quick a turn around can be.

Good Luck.

Reply With Quote
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 11-04-2005, 02:32 PM
cyncerp's Avatar
Nine Year Member
FamilyCorner Newbie
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Michigan
Posts: 32
I had the same problem with a 15 year old, nothing you can do, really. Just leave your door open, chat with him when you can, and let him learn the hard way. I tried to get my son to stay home with me, but he wouldn't and went to live with the ex. He doesn't talk to me at all, but I hope I raised him well enough while I could so that he will be able to care for himself....Good Luck, hon!
Reply With Quote
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 11-05-2005, 09:50 AM
Jeannie's Avatar
Nine Year Member
FamilyCorner Junkie
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: In the piney woods of Texas
Posts: 1,185
I'm sorry, but saying there is nothing you can do, is what makes them incorrigible. As parents, we MUST keep a handle on our children and not indulge them so much. Parents are afraid of their kids, and that attitude of wringing your hands and saying there is nothing you can do is what enables them. Parents have a responsibility to their children to take control and put them on the right track.

There is PLENTY you can do.
Get a rise out of life!- Bake Bread!

"A hundred years from now, it will not matter the sort of house I lived in, what my bank account was, or the car I drove....but the world may be different because I was important in the life of the animals and the creatures on this earth."
Reply With Quote
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 11-08-2005, 08:13 AM
catrose44's Avatar
Nine Year Member
FamilyCorner Newbie
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Quad Cities
Posts: 30
The worse thing you can do is nothing! Contact a lawyer ASAP. Your son will never succeed in life by doing whatever he wants at age 14! He needs the discipline and rules more now than ever. He is spreading his wings, but needs the proper guidance (obviously, not Dad) to help him in the right direction. Don't give up!!
Reply With Quote

Related Topics
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
(Food) For Luck in the New Year ajrsmom New Year's 10 12-30-2015 05:23 AM
What Birthday Year are you dreading? ladyinmaille About You 37 03-21-2015 03:16 PM
Disciplining A Two Year Old mom2-4 Toddlers 10 02-27-2009 05:23 PM
Are you making plans to become more frugal this year? ajrsmom Frugal Living 73 01-18-2009 06:58 PM
15 year old daughter trouble Sasha_Jade Teenagers 25 07-21-2008 12:08 PM

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Thread Tools
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -8. The time now is 01:51 AM.

Copyright © 2018 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.


Our Family FunBook is packed full of ideas from parents just like you!

Our members say that they have never found a friendlier message board community than ours!

Our kid's craft section is filled with easy ideas for creative little minds.

We have tons of free printable coloring pages to keep your little ones happy.

We offer a wide variety of free newsletters delivered right to your inbox.

Our Household Hints & Tips have a wealth of information on cleaning, organizing, and more!
Go to the funbook Go to forums Go to kid's crafts Go to printables Go to newsletters Go to Hints & Tips

Home || Newsletters || Advertising || Terms of Use || Privacy || Services || Submissions || Contact Us || Media Opportunities || Link To Us || Shop || Feedback || Staff || e-Cards || Reminder Service® is sponsored in part by...

Visit our friends --> MomsMenu | Main Street Mom | She Knows | Baby University | Personal Fitness Zone |

Copyright Notice | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use/Disclaimer