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Family Love/hate relationship with your sister in law? Situation with your Mom? Plenty of things to talk about here.

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Old 08-13-2005, 01:15 PM
LdyLopes's Avatar
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Just my humble opinion

I agree with everyone, be more involved with her. Maybe talk to a few others in the family to do the same.

Maybe even just talking to her about how "public" is different from "private" in that you are more under the microscopic eye. Everyone is looking at you. She seems to be quite an individual, and if that is played upon in the right way, her personality can only bloom. Buying a pair of shoes that are too big and then shuffling around in them brought a smile to my eyes. How many of us would do that........! I think she has potential to be a great person. A true individual. Don't just think of her as a spoiled, unclean cousin. I think there might be a lot more under there. The fingernails things gives me the creeps, but if enough is said about it in the right way, I think she will learn it is not proper nor hygienic.

later,

Ellen
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Old 08-13-2005, 06:03 PM
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I like the suggestion about giving a gift certificate to a salon...you could make it a "graduate to high school" kind of gift.

Or, is there anyone she thinks less of because of the way they dress or "keep themsevles"?

I mean, you could use the direct approach and tell her what you think, but that might create more problems and hurt feelings in the process. Best of luck in whatever you decide.
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Brian , Benjamin , and Trinity
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Old 08-13-2005, 07:03 PM
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advise on ur cuz

Hello
I not sure on the $$ issue but can u do a makeover party and have friends over like a slumber party and have fun doing things it will be FUN and everyone gets madeover.
My d does not like to comb her hair and gets teased she will be going into middle school soon. So what we did was I sent some bow,clips,tangle spray to school with her the teacher picked out a close friend of hers and before school starts they go in the restroom and fix their hairs. My d is not stress out and I dont worry about her telling me that I brush too hard everyone is happy
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Old 08-13-2005, 08:27 PM
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I was sitting here reading the comments and was thinking about maybe calling a Mary Kay consultant and schedule facials and makeovers for the two of you. The consultant doesn't charge for it and you are not required to buy anything. However since they are trained in makeup and skin care they can make suggestions that she would possibly listen too better than if it came from you. You can always talk to the lady and fill her in on some of the problem. You could also do a beauty college with her hair and nails and go the day before the appointment and let them in on the situation so they could kind of tactfully advise her as well. As far as the clothes go can you do a shopping day with another girl or two who dress more appropriatly and kind of guide her while you are shopping. Have her try on clothes and point out things. (of course this part depends on how your relationship is though) If none of that works it sounds like some of it she may have to learn the hard way.
I have a daughter who is starting middle school and she doesn't notice things like hair and things. I have really been working on her this summer. I don't understand how she just doesn't seem to get it and my older daughter is maticulous about her appearance. Hopefully we can get through to her before school starts. I know I have been really blunt in telling her if she doesn't start watching how she takes care of herself she is going to have a really hard time next year. She is begining to listen. (She does keep herself clean but doesn't keep her hair neat and forgets to zip her pants or tries to wear shoes that don't match, stuff like that)
Good luck
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Old 08-14-2005, 08:29 PM
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LaTraviata,

Welcome to the boards too. I've given you situation some thought.
Since you seem so concerned for your cousin and how she will be treated this year and going on to high school.
Would it be possible and you could afford it; to kind of give her a going back to school gift? Even if you two are or aren't really close you could give her a gift basket of lots of samples;
like some bath supplies (oils, gels, bath salts or body sprays)
makeup samples
nail polish and remover and a small manacuring set
either a large bottle of hair shampoo and conditioner or several samples
also maybe some deoderant samples.
Then maybe suggest going to a thrift store to see if you could put together several outfits to help start her and you with the new year at school and surprise the friends she does have.
This is just an idea for you. I think that it's great that you are so concerned about her and want to help her. Good Luck and let us know how it goes.
Vicky vbmenu_register("postmenu_274509", true);
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Old 08-15-2005, 06:00 AM
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blushing Personal Hygiene problems

Just giving her a few pointers and a gift certificate to a hair salon will probally not help much, she needs to learn all over hygiene. Call your local hospital/health clinic and 4-H office see if they have any upcoming hygeniene and/or appearance classes where you could go with her to this class, lots of them are overnight (pajama party) type events that are lots of fun, we had one we used to call growing up and liking it. You can ask her to go with you, tell her you don't know anyone and would feel better if she went along, this way she will feel like she is helping you out. In growing up and liking it they teach young girls about how we become women and how to deal with this along with make-up/ fashion advice etc.. We also had a What's Your Color (picking fashion colors/make-up colors/and styles for all body types). I learned a lot from this. Just try it. Good Luck and you are awesome for worrying about what humility she will face, kids can be very cruel and she will probally go through a lot of pain. Just be there for her.
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Old 08-20-2005, 09:25 PM
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My sister had almost the same problem with her 15 year old daughter. She was into dressing all in black. School started the first week of August, a BOY told her he thought she would look prettier in colors. Guess what? She has given up the all black thing. Maybe thats all it will take for Sallie Mae to dress more appropriately, a boy to tell her she would be prettier in something that fits better.

Coll
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Old 08-21-2005, 09:37 PM
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No,no,no, you've got to tell her!!! Just flat out be honest with her and tell her that she shouldn't be showing her belly or gut like that and make a comment on her nasty fingernails. If her mother doesn't want to do it someone has to or else she will be not only teased in school but who's going to want to be friends with her?
When I 9 I had a favorite shirt and wanted to wear it daily for some unknown reason. I would hide it at night so my mother couldn't put it in the dirty clothes and I'm sure that shirt stunk like some had died in it. She finally took it away from and cut it up. Sure I was mad but I got over it. Sometimes you have to do and say harsh things in order for them to sink in, especially with teenagers because didn't we all know it all when we were that age? I did. LOL.
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