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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 03-23-2003, 06:26 AM
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Hi Broomhilda

Are you sure we're not talking about the same family? LOL!
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Old 03-23-2003, 07:55 AM
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Isn't it funny how sometimes we think certain things only happen within our own family.....when in reality, it happens in ALOT of families!!
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  #23 (permalink)  
Old 03-23-2003, 09:13 AM
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Hi Abear

Yeah, it's a shame that the only perfect families are on t.v. and aren't real.
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  #24 (permalink)  
Old 03-23-2003, 09:23 AM
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You can say that again and now days even the Tv familys arn't so perfect.
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Old 03-23-2003, 09:28 AM
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Hi Boggz

I know. I remember growing up and watching the shows and really being jealous over how perfect their lives were, their dads were so great, moms stayed at home and were always in a good mood and talked so calmly when mine was in her rollers and jeans yelling at us to shut up, get off the phone, make our beds, etc. And then later on we hear how the kids playing those perfect kids were on drugs, drinking and going to prison. LOL. Talk about bursting my bubble. Ha. Guess we're lucky we didn't have a family like the t.v. family after all. Hey, if we had perfect families we'd not have much to talk about. LOL.
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Old 03-23-2003, 05:46 PM
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I've been reading through these posts & I can really relate to some of the feelings. I was divorced 12 years ago & have since remarried a wonderful man. My ex & his wife and my husband & I have been on friendly terms for the kids sake but it has been really hard at times. The hardest thing though was when they started coming to MY church!!! All the things that he had put me & my kids through & still continues to do so at times and there they were. It was hard having everyone stare at me to see what I would do & how I would react. I didn't do anything (even though I wanted too!!!) I just acted like everything was OK, but it really wasn't. It bothered me soooo much to think that I had done the right thing all my life along with my children & there they were & it just seemed like the church family - MY church family!!! was bending over backwards for them and I guess I felt betrayed. Even though I know the people were taking there que from me, it was still hard & at times it still is really hard. I prayed & prayed about this situation & talked with my Pastor and we finally decided that God still wanted us to stay at this church. We act like everything is OK & most of the time, it is & It is great for the kids to see their Dad at church. One thing that I didn't do.....They joined the church about 2 months ago.....When folks join our church, all the members go up & give them the right hand of fellowship....That is one thing that I wouldn't do LOL - It was/is just too stinken weird!!! Yes, at times it still bothers me quite a bit but God has really blessed us & I know that we are doing what he wants & that's the important thing......Anyways, just my ramblings.
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Old 03-23-2003, 06:04 PM
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Hi Stekim

Okay, did he go to church before he was married to her and if so, did they belong to another church? I can fully see where it would bother you and it's not right at all for them to do that. I would have asked them why. And I know me, I would have gone to another church. God doesn't care what church you go to just as long as you belive in God. Oh, gotten my blood boiling just thinking about that. To me that's like walking into your home because I'm sure he knew that's the church you belonged to.
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Old 03-24-2003, 03:27 AM
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I can relate completely to the church thing. My ex and my dh were in the Army, both officers and in the same COMPANY. It was totally strange having to attend functions while everyone stared--and they didn't even pretend not to. Fortunately my ex was a screw-up and got transferred to another Unit.

As for the ex being invited to family functions, I can relate to this as well. My oldest and middle dd's are divorced. One ex is EVIL and unwelcome to the point that I'll call the police on him. The other however was family. He was/is like our son. Yes he made mistakes while married to our daughter but then so did she. Just because they divorced doesn't mean that WE stopped loving him. He doesn't visit often but when he does he is always welcomed here and he knows this as does our daughter. We have yet to meet his new wife but if the time ever comes we will graciously welcome her as well.

When grandkids are involved grandparents will do what they need to do to keep peace. If there was a genuine relationship between the exes and the parents then WHY should they be expected to suddenly exclude and stop loving them? They were family before and remain family now. Or should they only be part-time family? They do have a history after all. My in-laws have a similar situation with an ex-d-i-l and they welcome her as well as keeping in touch. The new d-i-l doesn't appear to object because she feels secure.

Just my 2 cents worth!

Jayne
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  #29 (permalink)  
Old 03-24-2003, 03:40 AM
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My ex went to MY church when he was a kid but had not been to church in years & years. In fact, He wanted nothing to do with anything religious at all. He knew that this was MY church and that we were really involved. At first, we really were tempted to change churches because it was so hard but I didn't want them to force me out of what I had been a part of for soooo many years. Like I said, I kinda felt betrayed because My family had been trying to do the right thing for years & then they waltzed right in & everyone fell all over them, making them feel welcome. It was really hard at first and still is sometimes. I am in charge of all the dinners/parties at church. I also get together food for the sick folks & funeral dinners. I didn't want to throw everything away & walk away from a job that I love, just because He came to MY church, you know? It was kind of letting him win....AGAIN!!! It was definitely a HUGE struggle BUT through a lot of prayers & discussions with my family, & my Pastor & especially my husband, we really feel that this is our home and we are staying as long as God gives us peace about it. One funny thing though......Folks just don't get it sometimes......They asked my EX & his wife to be in the Sunday School play and then they came to me to ask if one of my sons from this marriage could play their son......I laughed so hard & came home to talk to my husband......People try so hard to be friendly, that they tend to forget about ME & the situation. I talked to my husband & he laughed too & said if Ryan wanted to do it, then we would let him do it. Ryan did play their son and we just sat there & clapped for him. When Ryan ( he is 10) was studying his lines, He said, Mom, isn't this weird? I'm supposed to call Dale Dad. We said, we know & he said OK and kept stuyding. It still is hard sometimes, but is getting better. I just keep thinking through this whole thing that God loves them just as much as He loves us and that WE will be blessed in the long run. WEIRD, HUH?
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Old 03-24-2003, 04:12 AM
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Jayne,

I am not saying that it is wrong to continue to love a sil or dil. But, the situation that I have been living with is downright unfair. In the beginning they included her because they were afraid that if they didn't bend over backwards for her, they'd not be allowed to see their granddaughter. they did this with the knowledge that she slept around on their son, and that she was raking him over the coals in divorce court. In fact, she asked them for $400 to pay her attorney during the divorce and they agreed, although they wouldn't lend a cent to their own son. At one time, my husband's mother confided in me that she thought his daughter might not actually be his biologically, yet when my husband voiced this same thing to her and his father during a recent visit to their home, she and her husband became outraged and through our entire family out. They treat that child and her half brother (no blood relation) better than the children their son and I have together. In fact, even my oldest daughter has noticed the difference in the way she and her sisters are treated versus her half sister and her brother. Yes, I am jealous, but I am also angry. I am angry that my children aren't loved by his parents, and apparently he isn't either. No matter what problems I might have in my marriage to my husband, I still feel that he deserves to be loved by his parents more than they love his ex-spouse. So, you see, it's not that they may love her, it's that they forfeited everyone else to include her.
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