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Old 12-27-2007, 03:54 AM
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Just when i thought I could deal with MIL

Okay, I need to vent!

First, MIL had asked what to get the kids for Christmas. I told her they would prefer money. DH and I get gifts for them to open. My Mom gives them money, and they love to go to the Mall and ToysRUs and get what they want. I told her if she wanted Karrie(7yo) to have something to open to get her a LPS curio shelf.

Well she called me before Christmas, and let me know she got the shelf, a LPS pet, and some other little artsy craftsy things.

She had Christmas at her house the Sunday before Christmas.

First thing when we walk in the door, MIL only says hello to DDs Kate and Karrie. When Kim comes in MIL starts hugging, caressing, kissing, (I mean what we called making out in high school) saying "oh my granddaughter I miss you, where have you been, (whisper, whisper[can't hear what is being said]). I love you." and called her Kimmie after repeadetly asking her not to call her Kimmie. I mean if it had been me, I would have pushed her away, and I could tell it made Kim uncomfortable, and irritable. Keep in mind, Kim is not the same after her accident. When she opened one of the gifts it was a bath set. Kim can't use bath sets, due to infections. Of course Kim stated this and DH got mad at Kim. I think I will ask Kim if I may have the bath set to regift to MIL next year. (I always seem to get the gifts back from her that I give to her)

Than MIL brings out the gifts. Well, she has gifts for Kim, Kate, Karrie and Zac, a bag for Kevin(who is in jail). Kim, Kate and Kevin each got $100 along with gifts to open.

Than there was Karrie's gifts, the gifts described above that she told me about, plus a LPS round and round town, which I had already purchased for Karrie, months ago, of course I no longer have the receipt for it. And $20. Well Karrie is old enough to know, and she is really upset about it.(I am going to take the LPS gift back to WalMart, and I did give Karrie $20 from Santa in exchange for the gift). The gifts that she had to open there were about 7 gifts, she really only wanted 3 of them, and one of them she already had.

Now how hard was it to listen to me? All the toys she got for Zac are toys he already has. Keep in mind here he is the baby out of five children, and we rarely get rid of things until they no longer work.

Okay so the gift part is over. Now they live in a ranch style home, with about 20 cats! It smelled like I don't know what it was? A mix of dog, poop, basement, and bad feet. Nearly gagged me.

And than the door to the basement was slightly opened. Zachary is only 13 months old, and very adventerous. I shut the door, several times. She complained, and said the door needed to be left opened for the cats so they can go down there and use the litter box. Uhhh, why not put the cats down in the basement and close the door? The cats don't like that. Zac got scolded several times for going to one of the cats. He likes to give kitties aye ayes.

Am I wrong about being ticked off about all this? Or am I just suffering from in-law syndrome?
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Old 12-27-2007, 04:31 AM
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Karen, I would be upset too. First of all she is not taking into account the safety of your baby! And why ask what your children want if she isn't going to follow up? Makes no sense.

How is Kim doing?
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Old 12-27-2007, 07:10 AM
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I would be upset too. Is there a way that you can open the gifts at your home without grammy? Then if you want you can peek and see if you need to exchange or add to the gifts. My kids got extra gifts at my inlaws for years from.... no one (us). Because their gifts were so terrible or unfair.
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Old 12-27-2007, 08:27 PM
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I feel for you. I have had those problems too and after 25 + years I still can't get over having my "what the ...?" reaction. I would love to tell you it just doesn't matter, cause really it shouldn't, but IT REALLY DOES!!!! I send you a big ((hug)) from one mom with an MIL to another.
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Old 12-28-2007, 06:01 AM
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Thank you! This input makes me feel at least better for feeling the way I do. I thought maybe I was feeling this way just because it is in-laws. But, on the other hand, DH's father(DH comes from a divorced family) brought over a push-me-popper for Zac. Which they didn't ask what to get him, and they had no clue that he already had one. And it was no big deal to me, so now he has two. (because they didn't ask)

bluebird, no there was no way they could have opened them at home. MIL has the gull to tell the kids that Santa came early to her house and brought gifts that they need to open them!(oh, the nerve)

If she would have at least kept it fair, I would feel a little bit better too. But, I calculated it, and she spent only about $50 on Karrie. And gave Kim, Kate and Kevin $100, plus extra stuff. I really don't mind if she spent less on Zac, he is unaware at this point.

Barb, Kim is doing okay. She has changed. She is real quick to speak her mind on even the smallest issues, that really should not matter. She is also having a hard time holding a job. She has just lost her third job in a years time. I don't know how to help her. She enjoyed all three jobs, but, she got fired from two. And the third one she didn't like the way she was being treated.
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Old 12-28-2007, 06:56 AM
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I think that yourMIL is wrong and is trying to show you up and I would tell her that if she is not going to get what she said she was not to get anything at all. I think that if you do recycle the bath set back to her she Just may get the message I do hope so. and You and your DH is going to have to talk to MIL and tell her what she is doing to Kim. Take care and keep your head up.
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Old 12-28-2007, 08:54 AM
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I'm sorry Karen, I would have been mad too!

Can I tell you I love my mil don't get me wrong but her christmas gifts behoov me. I have 2 nephews that live out of state one is 19 and the other 14 she gives the oldest $50.00 (who has a job making his own money) and the 14 yr old got $25.00 who is in school and no job! As my sil is telling me this I am thinking great my kids are going to get $10 and $5.00 well Evan got a rubiks cube and a shirt Josh got a cheap plastic dinosaur and a shirt. Now I know we should be grateful but this woman has the funds but yet is so cheap for xmas and birthdays I just dont understand. Really am not trying to sound greedy but jeez once in awhile open the purse straps.
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Old 12-28-2007, 11:31 AM
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I agree, with the 'what the ____ reaction'. What are these people thinking??? Let's see how unfair and nasty we can be this year. You and your dh need to decide how you want to handle this. Then your dh needs to talk, lay down the law with his mother. If she can't be fair then NO gifts. We did this with my inlaws.

It is so funny! I didn't send out Christmas cards last year. With full time college, homeschooling two kids, and one kids being crazy I had no time. So last year and this year our punishment is getting our Christmas cash in plain envelopes. LOL We recieved cash now since we took our names out of the extended family gift exchange. Our punishment for that was no more gifts, we now get cash. My kids love it. They laugh, now we get cash instead of crappy unfair gifts. It is so funny!
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Old 12-28-2007, 08:03 PM
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Oh, Bunny, it is really not DH and I that she is trying to show up. It is DH's dad and my parents. My parents are the "A" grandparents. Mostly because they have done way more with the kids over the years.

Leighann, that is too funny. A rubiks cube? What I don't understand iswhy can't they keep in equal for the older kids who understand. Like I said I don't mind that Zac didn't get as much as he is not into the expensive electronic stuff yet, or the sets of stuff that get added to.

Like DH's dad he didn't give Zac money, but they gave him a cute outfit, and a push-me-popper. and that was fine.

Now, my Mom on the other hand all the kids got the same amount of money. And she didn't give us any for Kevin. Now DH's dad did give for Kevin, and asked us to put it in Kevin's account to buy what he needs in jail.

Bluebird, isn't it amazing how much more they do appreciate the money. I know my kiddos do. We got to go to the mall where Kate went crazy, and bought the name brand clothing that I normally don't buy for her. And Karrie and Zac got to have fun at Toys R Us.

Not to mention, it is teaching them about money. I got to see them each being careful and really thinking about what they buy and how they spend it. So not only are they happy, they are learning a little bit about spending wisely.
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Old 12-29-2007, 12:51 AM
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Hi Karen...I thought I was the only one who had the monster-in-law from hell...mine loves to put my kids down and me down...I would tell you to ignore what she does and says,but that is easier said than done...

About re-gifting the gift back to her...I did that one year when my monster-in-law sent me a red t-shirt(hate the color red,and she knew this) and a pair of the ugliest slippers you would ever want to see...I sent them back to her and she re-gifted them to her daughter,and her daughter re-gifted them to her daughter and guess who got them 2 years ago...I did...and I sent them right back to her...you would have thought that she would have gotten the message,but she didn't...

Every year it is the same thing with my mil...she asks what to send for the grandkids or to me or hubby and the woman just never listens to what we say...you see I collect bears and every year it was something dumb,like perfume(allergic)or clothes that I would never wear but they are great for cleaning the toilet...

If your mil cannot treat all your children the same then by all means tell you not to bother at all...it is not fair that your daughter is treated any differently than any of the other grandchildren...I can see why your parents are the "A Grandparents" they treat all their grandchildren the same and that is the way it should be...

I hope all works out for you and your family...Here's hoping that 2008 is a much easier and better year...

Smiles & Hugs...
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Last edited by BuddyBeanieBaby; 12-29-2007 at 12:55 AM.
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