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Empty Nesters Are all of your kids gone? Need to talk to those in your situation? Stop by here!

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Old 11-03-2002, 10:28 AM
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Hi! Wow! I dont feel bad about being such a baby about the youngest leaving now! I have 2 girls, now they are 24 and 22. When the oldest left for college 3 hours away that was saddening for her more than me. I was just proud that she was going to college plus I still had one at home. She finally got over the home sickness and did well.

Now when the youngest left for college (only 1 hour away) Thats when I lost it! Im getting tears right now remembering that! I sat on her bed and cried for 2 weeks! I didnt touch anything in her room, Just in case, ya know! Well she ended up getting a job she loved where she was at, which is Seattle, So she couldnt come home very much, and its only an hour to her, so it was petty easy to see her. So after about her being gone a year and 1/2, I was sitting in her room and really started thinking! She had her own bathroom too. Well, that room is now my room! And I love my "space " in here! I have MY own bathoroom now, that I dont have to share with hubby (the seat is always down!) This is my PC, Tv, Stereo, etc room! Plus the bathroom is all redone with my stuff so hubby doesnt have to go wading through all my products!

So there is a plus to the empty nest, and just think, you can go anywhere you want at anytime without having to worry about what to do with kids! I love my girls dearly, and what ended up happening is now they both live in Seattle (the oldest is married now) 1 block apart!!!! So that makes it very easy to visit both at same time!

After I got MY room all fixed up. youngest came home, and she just kind of stood in middle of it, she shed a couple tears! I left her bed in here, so they is a place for them to come a stay if needed, Except the married one and her hubby really dont like the idea of sleeping in a twin bed! So they usually go to his parents, which is right here, and sleep in their motor home!

You will be fine!!! It will take a bit, and alot of long distance phone bills, but life was great raising them, now its your turn to relax! Just think, no more open houses, school plays, etc to go to! They were fun at the time, but its still nice.

The one thing I still have a prob with is I cook way too much food for just the 2 of us! But I dont have to buy the extra food type things that they ate and I didnt. So your food bill goes down too! See Lots of plusses!

Good Luck!!!
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Old 11-03-2002, 05:35 PM
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kinship

..your teares made me remember...and to steel myself for another loss....smiling at you...we alle go thru passages...some harder than others...children leaving...how can they...when there is so much to worry about out there...but then again Mom...you have trained her to be an independent strong young woman with a daughter to raise...like you raised here. Not seeing grandchildren is hard...mine are 8 hours away...over a couple of mtn passes...yours will be only 2 hours away....you are very lucky...cry...get that done with...then realize how strong enough for this.....and she showed great strength in setting out with childe to lead her own life....and to try and be the Mother that you were....what more could you want I ask?...no matter what your spirituality is Lady....it will ground you and hold you and enfold you and give you the strengthe...for one with so many losses you may yell...WHY?...but then...if we did not know great sorrow how can we experience great joy?...Blessings....blessings to every hearte thee love and blessings to every hearte that loves thee...may love walke by the right side of you for alle thy days....
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Old 11-05-2002, 02:39 PM
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I would like to thank everyone for sharing with me their thoughts and ideas.
My husband and I took a trip to where my daughter has moved and took a load of some of her stuff to her, in fact it was last week on Halloween. She is living in a nice, safe apartment with lots of room. She has learned that you don't put regular dishwashing soap in a dishwasher (that involved a lot of time cleaning up the soap suds, but she did get very clean kitchen floor out of it). She seems to be happy with where she is living, and she had her daughters room all put together and fixed really cute.
My granddaughter is very happy with her "new house" and her "new room". In fact she was very happy that it was Halloween and wanted to get out and go trick-or-treating. She is only two, and I have had her at my house since my daughter became pregnant with her. I think I was afraid she would be confused at the new house and miss her grandma (or me-ma, as she calls me). I didn't feel sad about her not missing me, I felt very relieved and happy that she is so well adjusted and happy.
I think the trip did me a lot of good. In fact, they came and stayed the following weekend with us. I gave them a care package to take back home with them: laundry soap, pajamas for granddaughter, some food, things like that. My daughter called and told me they all made it home safe, and that she loved me and then she thanked me for everything.
My son-in-law has some issues with his work situation where he is working with his father and the family restaurant, but I'm sure it will work out. He is a good guy, and he loves my daughter and granddaughter.
Anyway, I don't want to go on too much. I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm doing much better. I love you all for taking the time to let me know your own experiences as an "empty nester", and it helped me so much to know that what I was feeling was normal.
God Bless you all
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Old 11-05-2002, 02:53 PM
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So glad to hear you are doing better and that your girls are happy in their new home. Thanks for letting us help you out. Isn't this a great place?
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Old 11-05-2002, 03:06 PM
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Thank you for letting us know how you and your "girls" are. We will continue to keep you in our prayers.
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Old 11-05-2002, 04:12 PM
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ChrisG

That is wonderful that your girls are adjusting so well and that you are doing ok, too. Thanks for letting us know how you are.
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Old 11-06-2002, 06:58 AM
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Janet! Your tears are healthy. It would be more unhealthy if you didn't shed some. You are moving on and getting over it. You know it's best for your daughter to move with her life, and even though you will miss her and your granddaughter, you have a life of your own to explore!!! Many blessings on your wonderful and bright future!
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Old 11-07-2002, 04:37 PM
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This is something that is very hard to go through. My youngest just left for college this past September. Because I knew this was coming, I tried to prepare myself during the past year. I separated myself from her as much as possible. It did help because I had a difficult 3 days and then it became better. But I do keep in contact with our cell phone and we both have AOL IM so that helps. Remember, you will get through this. Its a natural part of life and try to keep remembering how you felt when you left home as a young adult. This is just part of life. Hopefully you can get involved in various activities so you can develop your own identity away from the kids.
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Old 11-08-2002, 03:35 AM
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Becoming an Empty Nester

ChrisG
This is the first year that both children are out of the house. Until this year, we had never taken a vacation without the children. We are doing things that we have wanted to do--we went on a camping trip and have now kind of extended it to doing something each weekend, even if it is just for one day. One evening my husband and I had a candlelit dinner at the Cape Cod Canal (we cooked it there in our motorhome).

My suggestion is to find a hobby for yourself, even if it is books--there are a lot of book discussion groups around where you can meet people; and also find something that you and your husband like to do together-- cook a special dinner together (May I suggest the book DDinner Dates by Martha Cotton).

I know your house is quiet, but your grandchild is near enough to have her come visit for a weekend or so.

You mentioned that you hoped to be getting a job soon, that will help also. I now work outside the house part time and it is just enough. (I worked outside the house when the children were home)

Enjoy. It is a new time for you, your husband, and your daughter.

TypingN
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Old 11-08-2002, 11:41 AM
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blushing to the empty nester!!!

Dear empty nester..I just read your note, and wanted to let you know that it gets better. My oldest son left for college, then my next son joined the Navy, then my baby girl also joined the Navy!!! Talk about crying buckets of tears!!! I thought that I'd never recover...but, lots of talking with friends who had been there and talking with God helped me so much. That has been over a period of 7 yrs., and now when they do come home, the visits are wonderful!!! Seeing the grandbabies, sharing life moments, and all the extra cooking,cleaning, laundry, and extras are fun; for about 7-10 days!!! Then believe it or not, you'll be counting the days and hours, till it's time for the visit to end....your peace and quiet to return, your life to come back to you... Like the old saying goes....the visits are grand!!! but the leaving becomes just as grand!! Then before you know it, it starts all over again....believe me when I tell you that God did know what He was doing in the procession of life moments!!! Hang tuff, and write in your journal, and talk with friends.....it will become just anohter way of life. P.S. I was a mom who loved every waking moment of mothering...the pregnancy,babies, toddlers,teen years, all of it!!! It will get better.
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