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Empty Nesters Are all of your kids gone? Need to talk to those in your situation? Stop by here!

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Old 07-17-2002, 08:00 AM
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adult kids come back home.

are there others out there who have their adult children living with them? My daughter and grandaughters have moved back home again ! This is the ? time she has come home before it always included her husband too but now they are seperated. Actually the grandaughters think of this as home and all the other places they have lived as "the house" the apartment" "the trailor" ----------

This time it is just about too much. We have a very small house with one regular size bedroom and 1 half size and 1 bath. Now with 7 of us living here we are a bit crowded. Oh yes forgot to say that last week one of dd friends came to stay with us because when she left an abusive mate. I am ready to move out and leave it all to them We have never really had time to enjoy the empty nest that others talk about

I guess we carry on with what comes our way.


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Old 08-14-2002, 07:58 PM
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chuckle I'm half way there

Sandy,
I hope that things are getting better for you.I'm not sure what your plans are besides moving out your self

But some times it helps to have a plan. Giving you daughter so many monthes to get her act together and move or you will be chargeing her rent.

My Father Started chargeing my younger brother rent when he moved home after college. Started with a small amount and kept uping the rent until it equaled rent on a small E-Appartment.
My brother said I could rent my own place for that much and my Father said do as you please. The point here is that my Father got him use to paying rent. So he had to learn to manage his money. He had to teach him to stand on his own after all my Father said "Im not going to be around the rest of your life to take care of you"

Just a thought
Kathy
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Old 08-22-2002, 11:19 AM
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Last year our son, his wife and their two children moved in with us. My son was still paying off some big bills left from his first wife, then was involved in a tragic accident soon after this marriage - left them in a terrible financial bind. However, after several months of them living with us, we decided to take from our retirement fund and "help" them live in a place of their own - for our sanity! They are both working at WalMart close to full time, but that does not mean much per hour for a family of four - and they are going to college full time. Thank goodness their CCCS (my husband was a financial counselor at the time recommended that they get on with CCCS to get the bills lined up and paid) is all paid off this November. That coincides with our available money running out and they should be able to be on their own - except for the "unusual" expenses - such as auto repairs, etc. We felt that what we provdie for them each month is not a whole lot more than the food, extra utilities, etc would be. We do take care of their children (10 and 3) when they have class or work in the evenings or weekends and DayCare for Gage is closed.

I had retired from my banking job to care for my youngest daughters' baby 6 years ago and continued on when she had her other girl two years later. She had just moved to a job where she could do all on her own (divorced with a most of the time "dead-beat ex" on "intensive probation for non-payment of child support), my husband retired, and we thought we finally had the "empty nest" thing, too.

My prayers are with you - it is not an easy thing to have two families living in the same household. And, as much as I hate to face it, we are not of the age to have little ones around constantly - as much as we may love them!
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Old 08-22-2002, 06:05 PM
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chuckle

Wow, My heart goes out to the both of you.

I have 2 Grown children.

My daughter has just left home to live in California. She just got her RN and has taken a job in Orange County.

That is why I'm half way there.
My son is 20 Out of work a the moment, But has job appts out.
I hope he working soon.
But is still living at home.

I guess I'm looking forward to in being just the 2 of us again.


Well I can dream, can't I?

Kathy








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Old 08-22-2002, 07:14 PM
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wish the best of luck to your daughter and her new venture!And hope your son gets a job soon. Keep me posted!;-)
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Old 08-22-2002, 08:05 PM
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Sorry about everyone who has young adults back home. Alot of the problems out there is that it is so expensive to live anymore. In 1972 the wage of $7.95 an hr was needed for a family of 3 just to survive!!!(not live in their car) Now with all the cut backs and all it is hard to find a job that actually pays you a living wage...great paying factory jobs are a thing of the past and not everyone has the finances for college...this age old problem goes on and on.

Now when my single son had to return home after the service he stayed with us for a few months..it is very hard to have and adult child under your roof...their lifestyles are so different than their folks.

Also it is not easy for the adult child returning home either...they all know they are suppose to be on their own.

Good luck everyone and I hope all the birdies will leave the nest and get along well in life!

janet
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Old 08-23-2002, 07:04 AM
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How about checking into HUD? Don't know all of the qualifications but when we were trying to sell our last house there were several families that wanted to rent it through HUD. It doesn't have to be a life time deal but it might help until they can get on their own feet. We just didn't want to be landlords so we ended up selling the house after we built this one.
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Old 08-31-2002, 07:00 AM
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Charging Rent ?

What do you all think about charging rent to an adult child that has moved back in or just hasn't left yet? I have more than a few friends dealing with this problem.

My boss has had all three +25 kids move back home. For one reason or another. They all work ( found new jobs etc.) No one pays her a dime, they spend their money any way they want with no signs of moving back out. She is at the end of her rope!!


I'm not sure what to tell her but if she doesn't do something soon, I'm afraid she will go crazy or loose her health.

Thanks for your time
Kathy
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Old 08-31-2002, 10:24 AM
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I for sure agree with charging rent - or something. Our son was in such financial straits that they had very little to spare - was just glad they could take care of their bills - BUT - they were responsible for the extra food they wanted that I would not usually buy, the needs for their kids, and they from time to time brough home other stuff as they could afford it. Michael also took care of oil changes, etc on our cars - they may not have paid rent, but he was always helping out - even with full time college and work.

They can always do help at home to defray some expenses. Then, as they can afford, they really NEED to be paying something And it sounds as if these kids could all afford to pay some rent. I know it is hard to be firm on money matters with your kids - but it is not at all fair that they "use" them like that. It was easier for us as we are retired and, while we are OK (not near as much as I had hoped with the stock market effect on our IRA's), it is because we are not big spenders (I drive a 92 Buick Regal and Charles a 74 Duster, by choice). Our kids know there is a limit to our "extra". What we loan them, they make payments as they can - tax returns, etc.

I have always been a firm believer that, even if you help out, they need to be working their way to be becoming self-sufficient. Saw a lot of this when I was a bank officer - and I told many "What happens when you are no longer around to "pick up the pieces"? They can't do it. That is why we decided to help defray the rent and utilities until their Credit Counseling contract was completed. That way they could be in the habit of being on their own - and as a family, we all needed that.

Good luck to your boss and his wife. My heart goes out to both of them - esp to her.
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Old 09-20-2002, 02:14 PM
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I'ts been a few weeks since my last post.

My son has found a full time job

He will be going for his drivers test next week. I will be nice not having to drive him to work every morning before I go to work at my first job. I know that he is 20 but he never had the money to pay for it himself so he never drove. Mom drove everywhere.

He always worked at low paying part-time jobs. So this is a step up for him.

No change for my boss. I think she will need to kick butt soon.

Bye
Charmquilts
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