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Empty Nesters Are all of your kids gone? Need to talk to those in your situation? Stop by here!

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  #31 (permalink)  
Old 08-19-2004, 05:32 AM
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Just a little update on my Dad.

He has started with a bad cough. He told my sister that he did cough up some blood. And they did take a chest X-ray. So, I am hoping that this is not the worst that I am thinking it is.

But, on the other hand am prepared for it.
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  #32 (permalink)  
Old 08-19-2004, 06:05 AM
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Could just be he coughed so hard he broke a blood vessel in his throat (happens - especially to older people with more fragile vessels). DO go with him to the doctor at his next visit and get the info from the "horse's mouth." Then you'll know what's going on.

Our prayers are with y'all!

Cheerio!
Elizabeth
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Old 08-19-2004, 06:34 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by ewriggs
DO go with him to the doctor at his next visit and get the info from the "horse's mouth." Then you'll know what's going on.

Correct me if I am wrong Karen, but isn't your Dad still in the hospital?? Or was he discharged and I missed it??

Prayers are with your Dad.
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  #34 (permalink)  
Old 08-19-2004, 06:39 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Abear
Correct me if I am wrong Karen, but isn't your Dad still in the hospital?? Or was he discharged and I missed it??

Prayers are with your Dad.
No, you are not wrong. He is still in the hospital, today it is a week. Yesterday he was moved from IICU and into a regular room.
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Old 08-30-2004, 07:32 AM
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I have a problem that I have not seen here yet. Both of my children are grown and they are married. Adam, the youngest has just recently become a married man (four months) and Gerard has been married 10t years and has a son Liam. Both of my daughter in law are terrific girls. They both lived with me before they married my sons. Shannon because her parents kicked her out of the house. Her parents kicked her out due to a huge argument. While staying at the house, she found out she was pregnant with Liam. It wasn't a major issue. Sarah's home situation was so bad, she would call me crying. She was also working at a job where her boss was verbally abusing her. (I heard this over the phone one night while she was having a conversation with this man! Unbelievable!)

My problem is this.. I think? that Shannon feels that I love Sarah more than her. I don't by no stretch of the imagination. I love all my kids. No child more than the other. Each child just gave me someone else to have my love expand and grow. I would love to have a close relationship with Shannon, however, I don't want to step on her mothers toes, either. She is close to her mother now.
Sarah, on the other hand, is not. There has already been a decision made about future grandchildren ( that I hope changes)
where her mother is concerned.

Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks.
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Old 08-30-2004, 08:35 AM
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kellydid

Let me preface by saying it is so obvious that you are a caring and loving person. Every gal should have a mother in law like you..

Gather the girls and tell them that you love them both very much and that they have brought so much happiness into your life and wouldn't even consider what it would be without both of them.

Also tell them that there is no competition for your affection or attention, that you are always available to both of them, and that you will listen to them when they need an ear. You will be NON-Judgemental, but try to guide them to a solution, if you can. If you can't, then help them find the source of a solution, for instance, professional counseling.

I don't understand what is meant by *There has already been a decision made about future grandchildren ( that I hope changes)
where her mother is concerned. * You aren't giving specifics, and the print is too small between the lines...*chuckle*

I can only add this....since I don't know what the 'small print' is..
As to future grandchildren, that is not your decision. It is the sole decision of the couple involved, for ultimately, they are the legally responsible parties.

Continue to be loving and supportive and don't make it a 'favorites' issue... good luck! *hugs* *s*
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Old 08-30-2004, 08:43 AM
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I second Jeanie's suggestions. It is less likely to become a "soap opera" if you keep stuff in the open and deal directly with people.

(Have you ever noticed that if the people in the soap operas actually talked to each other and were open and honest in their relationships, there would be no plots??)

I've found that the times my life was like episodes of "Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman," was when communications were below the table and behind people's backs.

It may be difficult to "confront" people - to be "up front" with them - but it is well worth it in the end.

Just my 2 cents worth - and remember, free advice is worth what you pay for it!

Cheerio!
Elizabeth
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Old 08-30-2004, 08:58 AM
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I have asked Shannon about this because it was weighing so heavy on my heart. She has assured me that she knows I love her just as much as I do Sarah. We have had a rocky relationship in the past and we are working on a better relationship. It could quite possibly be just me. Worrying! Also, not trying to intrude too much on her relationship with her own mother.

The agreement the kids have made about their future children regarding Sarahs mother is that they have no intention of letting this woman near their children. They will let her see their children but she will never be left alone with them. It's their choice and I know that..I did put my 2cents in when they said they would never let her see any children they may have. I wouldn't stand for that and told them both so.

I guess I just want all my kids to love me. Does that sound weird? or selfish? strange? I just love them all so much and I want them to know how much they all mean to me and I know in my heart, I guess, that they do, but this onery ole head of mine can't seem to get it through it that they do.
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Old 08-30-2004, 10:09 AM
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Here's another two pennies worth.... the 'kids' have to make those decisions on their own without outside influence.

If you want to KEEP their love and trust in you, the best thing you can do is remain neutral...neither condemn or backup their decisions...... right now they think they have made the right decision, in time they might change their minds.... so no matter what you sanction, they can always change their minds and it can wind up smacking you in the butt..

I do not get involved in decisions my children make... I listen, and I say, you have to do what YOU feel is right.....( and then hope they make the right choices....) I am there if they need help, but for the most part.... I say nothing.... I listen...for in listening, and they talking it out, they come to the right course most of the time....and if they don't, well then they learn more about life not being a bed of roses and we reap what we sew..... Ma (me) is always a safe haven....... *s* We don't have all the answers...we try to give them information according to our experiences, but ultimately, they have to be the ones in charge of their own selves and hope we gave the right influences throughout their growing years.

When they still can't decide on their own, I ask them to draw 3 columns on a sheet of paper... On the top line to write the problem. I ask them to come up with several solutions....

In column one, to write a solution.... in the middle column to write the Pro to that solution and the 3rd column to write the Con to that solution.... It makes them think.... *s*

ok that's about a nickel's worth ...*chuckle*
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Old 08-30-2004, 12:01 PM
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I'm staying out of that decision altogether. I told them both that I wanted them to change their mind about letting her even "see" any potential grandchildren because that just wasn't right. Period! No matter what she at least had somewhat of a right to at least see her grandchild. They did think long and hard and finally agreed that they would let her "see" any future children. The rest, I am leaving up to them. On the one hand, I agree with it. On the other, being a grandmother, I don't. So, I told them I was out of it and they could come to me or dad for advice but if they did, they would have to agree to listen to the advice. We have left it at that.

I really don't think I can do any more until there even is the possibility of children. Which, I hope will be further down the road which is, also, what they both want.
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