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Empty Nesters Are all of your kids gone? Need to talk to those in your situation? Stop by here!

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Old 08-16-2004, 03:17 AM
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Dad was in physical therapy. I am not sure what happened with that?? He just got a little irritated when I questioned him about it. (I know that the therapy was at a good office as that is where I ended up taking DS for his second round of therapy, and actually was seeing improvement).

He does use one of the seven day pill boxes. And his diet is hard to "keep up" with because with the seasonal fruits, it changes his blood thickness, than he has to change his coumadin(sp?)[blood thinner].

I do like Abear's idea of keeping a list. I was looking around the site that Sueanne offered about COPD. I did find ideas similar to that.

It is not really my preference to have all of us going to the Dr. with him separately. But, I want to at least offer it to the others. My brother and older sister seemed annoyed that I was the one that was called to take him to the hosptial. He did not "just pick me". All the rest were at work, and I live about a 1 min drive from the office he was at all the rest live/work approx. a 20 min drive from the office he was at.
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Old 08-16-2004, 03:25 AM
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The hospital was telling Dad he would be able to go home today.

I talked to Mom last night. The Drs. are going to do a procedure, some time today, where they go through an artery?? to look at his heart.

So, I doubt that he will be coming home today. He is in the IICU, so it is very hard for one of us to be in with him when a Dr. comes in to visit him. And the nurses don't seem to want to tell them much about what is going on.

I am having a very hard time to get in to see him due to him being in IICU. He is only allowed two visitors at a time. No one under the age of 12. Visiting hours are from 10 to 2 and 4 to 8. Which my mom usually visits him with someone else from 4 to 8. And I can not count on DD to watch my two youngest kids.

Not too mention, my two youngest kids really want to see him. This is the only grandfather they are close to. And my youngest DD has adored grandpa from the very begining(usually kids are afraid of him and try to run from him). And grandpa calls her "my Karrie". He was even disappointed that I didn't bring her with when I picked him up to take him to the hosptial.
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Old 08-16-2004, 03:33 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by mom2-4
So, I doubt that he will be coming home today. He is in the IICU, so it is very hard for one of us to be in with him when a Dr. comes in to visit him. And the nurses don't seem to want to tell them much about what is going on.
Karen, with the "new" HIPA regulations, they can not tell you anything unless your father has signed a release telling them that they can talk to you....and it has to be very specific as to exact names, etc... He can't say that they can give infor mation to "my children" - it HAS to state names.

I would strongly urge you to get him to sign one for the hospital and each of his doctors. Have him sign that they can release information to whomever it is decided will be taking him to appts. at the very least.
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Old 08-16-2004, 03:49 AM
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I was wondering about that. Do you think if he signed a paper, the nurses would tell more?

I mean they were talking of sending him home today. He is still on the oxygen, and has still not been up to walk around other than to go to the bathroom. He asked if he could walk around and the nurse told him no you are not ready for that!

So, it just seems to me there might be more going on than what is being told, and maybe Dad is just not telling??? Or don't know???
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Old 08-16-2004, 07:46 AM
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I was wondering about that. Do you think if he signed a paper, the nurses would tell more?
Possibly but until he signs that paper, they can't tell you anything.
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Old 08-16-2004, 08:43 AM
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Okay, thank you Abear. My sister and I are going to talk to my Mom tonight about talking to Dad about signing the paper.
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Old 08-16-2004, 01:18 PM
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mom 2 4..

Cindy is your best guide because she has been through it.
When my parents were in hospital .. we didn't have to go through
all this... we were the immediate family.......

It's an education now for me as well... When my husband got his supplemental insurance to go with medicare, he had to put me down or no info..not even to me, the wife.
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Old 08-16-2004, 02:42 PM
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OK - the nurse is going to horn in here

Cindy's idea of the medical info sheet is extremely good. My ol' curmudgeon and I each have multiple medical conditions, and I keep our medical histories and medication lists updated at all times. I print them out on business cards, and laminate them, then DH and I each have each other's info as well as our own. I also send updated copies to DD and the 2 DS's - actually, they given them to the DIL's so I might as well just send the updates directly to the DIL's!

The other ideas that I want to underscore are going to the doctor with your parents. In my case, being a nurse, I usually go alone and jot notes. But under no circumstances would I consider letting the ol' curmudgeon go to *any* doctor without me. On the very rare occasions I haven't been able to go, he has strict instructions to call me from the doctor's office and let me ask questions and get info we need. The docs know me and just give me the info. In fact, at the last internal medicine visit, I stayed in the room for DH's entire history and physical. Not all wives or offspring can deal with this, but if possible, you should at least attend the office visits.

Rather than "spreading it out" among the DS's, DD's, and DIL's, I suggest that one person make the sacrifice to be the one resource - then spread the info around so all know what's what.

Also, make sure that your parents have wills and that the executor has all the info about life insurance, and any other resources. A durable power of attorney is important, too, especially if either of your parents have any feelings - either way - about artificially sustaining life. It would not be unusual for one of the children to have the durable power of attorney for medical decision making, but usually it is the spouse. There should be one for each of them. DH has mine, and I have his. When one or the other of us dies, the remaining one will give the executor (youngest DS) our durable power of attorney for medical decision making.

COPD is a chronic lung condition that sometimes responds well to a mild to moderate exercise program. That may be what your father meant when he said the doctor wants him to "push" himself. Better be sure exactly what kinds of exercise the doctor meant, how many reps and how many times a day or how long at a time. Also, if there are signals that the exercise should be stopped and the doctor contacted. The doctor probably has told your father / FIL all this, and he isn't telling anyone because:
a. he is in denial
b. he doesn't want to "worry" your mother
c. he doesn't want people "fussing" over him
or
d. all of the above.

You are on the right track. Follow your basic instincts on this, and both he and his wife will do a lot better. In the long run, I suspect it will be a relief to them that y'all are going to help them out in this area. As we get older, either we begin to face up to our impending death, or we fall into denial and totally avoid all reference and discussion of it. Some people become very depressed about the end of life.

Refocus their attention to something very positive - like making videos and tapes of interviews with them and reminiscences about their life. Get one of those books like Grandmother Remembers and get them involved in filling it out. That way, they have some degree of immortality, and it gives them something to focus on other than their end-of-life issues.

Just some ideas.

Cheerio!
Elizabeth - who is also 62 (well, almost!)
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Old 08-16-2004, 05:00 PM
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Thank you, Elizabeth!! That is all soo very helpful.

I know that he is very concerned about "the end". I stated in my first post that Dad wanted Mom to continue working. But, now he wants her to quit work.

I didn't know that he wants her to now quit. He left my sister know. He wants her to quit so they can spend some time together. As Dad said he is unsure how much time he has. I am sure also meaning to be mobile!

I like the video idea. My sister did get him a book, of Dad remembers. But, that didn't go over very well with him as he can not write very well, nor is he a good speller, and very discouraged by it!
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Old 08-16-2004, 05:13 PM
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Yes - video or audio (tape recorder) is great. The people get to record their voices and don't have to worry about spelling and grammar and all that. Get a cheap tape recorder and get out the "Dad Remembers" book and get him to just answer the questions into the tape recorder. If you sit with him, you can ask him questions and add comments that will stimulate him to remember even more things. And this is good.

Same thing for your Mom, too. She needs to be involved. Get a "Mom Remembers" book for her. Once they have some things recorded, you can get the tapes transcribed - either do it yourself or have it done, or invest in voice transcription software like Dragon Naturally Speaking and let it transcribe directly from the tape. You'll have to make some corrections, but it will be at least a little less time consuming.

Good luck!

Cheerio!
Elizabeth
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