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Elementary Aged Kids Your little ones have grown up right before your eyes! They are no longer those little babies they once were, and soon they are moving to adolescence.

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Old 03-02-2003, 05:26 AM
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need help disciplining

i am at my wits end with my 6 year old dd. she can press every possible button. i have practiced attachedd parenting. she likes to be close with me alot in the evenings and doesnt like sharing me much with my older 9 year old dd. the problem is she doesnt listen at all. there are times when she she does if she is being playful or in a good mood, but we( the whole family ) are constantly working around her moods and tantrums. we have been doing it since i can remember. i have tried positive rewards, charts stickers, time-outs, a few spankings, not many, they have only happened when i have completely lost it. she is very jealous and has very poor sportsmanship. i try to work on that and understand it is part of herself. has anyone had a child similar to this and have you found anything that works? it seems she almost only and always does it for me and not at school and not with friends or her father.


diane

morgan 6 jackie 8
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Old 03-09-2003, 01:35 PM
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My youngest sounds just like your daughter.

Nothing was working for us but one day, I feel back to my military training and put my 4 yr old in the "front leaning rest position". It's the start position for push ups. Now I don't ask her to do push ups but I leave her either on the floor in that position until she is ready to listen to reason, or when she tires I change the exercise.

And it worked. Now when she starts misbehaving, I shout out an excersize and she knows mommy means business.

She know does leg lifts, T-time (arms at shoulder level), and set-ups along with the front leaning rest position. She knows I am not afraid to do it in the middle of a store, church or anywhere else. It really puts the burden of her behavior on her and she knows that until she is ready to behave, she will keep working out.

Now this is not for everyone and you do have to be careful not to over strain your child's muscles. That is why we rotate the exercises. But it might work for you, it did for us and I have my sweet little dd back, well, most of the time.

Oh, and don't be afraid and get down and do the exercise with your child. That is what we do and if she isn't wearing us out at times. LOL
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Old 03-09-2003, 01:59 PM
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Why are you working around HER moods.. ? you have made her the center and she is now selfish, that's what happens when you do that. Don't let it bother you.. Say no...and mean it. If she throws a tantrum, turn and walk away. She sees it bothers you.. you have taught her to behave that way, You gave her the buttons and marked them "THIS ONE GETS TO ME". Perhaps you should have a talk with a child psychologist to help you get her adjusted to the rest of the world. The more she is allowed to continue ruling the roost, the harder it's going to be to get her adjusted.
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Old 03-09-2003, 02:53 PM
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I found that you have to say something and mean it and stick to your guns, don't let her see she's getting to you. The only punishment that worked for me was to say you will loose a priveledge. To bed early, less tv, etc. If my boys fight over the playstation they lose it for the rest of the weekend, because it's only a weekend thing they do, and they don't like to lose it.
If she is only doing it for you she obviously knows what sets you off, DON'T let her see it.
Hope it helps You're the Mum!
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Old 03-09-2003, 03:28 PM
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many years ago i had the same experience with my 2 (now grown girl and boy childs". now my son and daughter are having the same problem with their daughters. this is like a battle and you are the general.when the child knows (they are smarter than we give them credit for) that there is a "button" they can push , they will push it, at this point (if you are paying attention ) you do not react. "kids" are an action - reaction "animal". when you don't react, it's like they hit a wall and they don't know what to do. you are the adult, you are in control, you make the rules and "the short people" go by the rules. stand "tough", believe it gets better
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Old 03-10-2003, 05:48 AM
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Boy I hear ya!!!

I feel like I could have written what you wrote!! Only I have a 10 year old son and he has been a dream then we had our daughter and the nightmares began! She has a lot of the same characteristics as your daughter only with my "angel" she escalates the behavior, especially in public.
What to do???
My husband and I decided that we are not only older and bigger but smarter so we made a pact that when she "starts her act" we stop whatever we are doing and one of us takes her to calm down, the other stays withl our son so he doesnt have to be punished for her behavior. We always have something we enjoy doing with us, CD player, a magazine or book to read, we take her to a quiet place and let her stew! We enjoy the rest time, our son gets a one-on-one with one of us and she is starting to get the picture that she is only hurting herself. We now are getting results with a warning. At home she is sent directly to her room, door closed no distractions and we let her know when we are ready to be with her again, not when she thinks she is ready! Holding her responsible for her actions has made a huge and much happier difference in our home!
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Old 03-10-2003, 05:16 PM
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I hear you too! My soon to be 4 year old knows how to push my buttons as well. She only does it for me, not dad or school. There are only a few things that will help when I'm at my wits end. 1. I've learned not to show how angry I'm getting. I stay calm and shrug my shoulders (and a little prayer helps). She'll keep pushing and then 2. I warn her in a soft tone that I'm going to take her playdough away (whatever), but the real clincher to getting her to behave is I threaten to take her to bed NOW, and I have and it has been a saving grace for me. She'll sob in her bed, I reassure her I love her but her behavior is unacceptable and she needs to stay in her bed while the family is down stairs. I check on her constantly and she always falls asleep. Luckily it has been around 6:30-7 p.m. or nearing a nap. She knows I mean business and I won't put up with her misbehaving. She learns a lot of rebellion from her older siblings who are in their teens, and I think she gets jealous as well, but I do try and invest 20 minutes to 1/2 hour just being and playing with her or reading. I hope this helps, if anything you are not alone and many of us feel your frustration. Children are a wonderful blessing. Take care and all the best.
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Old 03-10-2003, 06:33 PM
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I know how you feel. My son has learned this trick with a twist and he is almost 7. He does a great job most of the time until it is time to "go" somewhere. It is very hard to keep your cool when you are both going to be late regardless of what time you start out. It doesn't seem to matter what the activity is either.

He just likes to stay home. and while this is an enduring trait, it does provide this single mom with some challenges. If anyone has some advice on how to solve this one I am open to suggestions..

During the past when stubborness has shown up at other times, I have used ignoring, time out of the item, swats, and loss of priveleges for everything but this "go" problem, these things are working great. Now all I do is count back from 5 and by 2, he is usually moving.
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Old 03-10-2003, 06:54 PM
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We certainly feel for you! We have a child that sounds like yours too. Try looking up the information on this website. Even if your child doesn't fall into this catagory (ours does), the books/tapes - discipline techniques - have been a God send for us and our other children. http://nancythomasparenting.com

Ede
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Old 03-10-2003, 07:52 PM
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I just received my redbook in the mail today and was talking about disciplining children.

For younger children the best thing that worked was time out.

For older children from like 8 to 12 (don't have the article in front of me) was taking away a privledge.

I can scan it in if you want, it's basically a survey with percentages of what worked best, spanking was another choice.

Let me know if you want me to share it.

You could always contact Dr. Phil He did have a show on this and if I can remember correctly he said to stick to your guns. My 14 yr gives me a hard time every so often and he looses privledges, he says he hates me, but it doesn't last long. Nip it in the butt now! ((( ))) hugs to you.
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