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Elementary Aged Kids Your little ones have grown up right before your eyes! They are no longer those little babies they once were, and soon they are moving to adolescence.

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Old 08-19-2002, 09:11 AM
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Robin

God bless that woman in Costco who took the time to approach your son in a loving way and to share with you a possible way out of a difficult life. I do hope you get the answers you and your son need to make both of your lives calm and peaceful and loving.

It is so difficult when we have children whose behavior is so outrageously off. We love them and want the best for them but feel so inadequate to deal with what we don't really understand. I don't know about you but my self-esteem has really taken a beating because I feel like I am failing my son because he can get so out of control. We have an appointment set with our peditrician on the 29th. I have realized that I need help to help him and am going to ask for it.

Best of luck to you and your son.
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  #22 (permalink)  
Old 08-19-2002, 09:38 AM
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I guess the real reason I wrote is to tell you that you are not alone. Many times I feel as though I am in this unpleasant journey. What's worse for me is the feeling of loss of control on my part. When he acts like this I'm afraid I'm going to lose control or hurt him. He has litterally attacked me and thrown stuff at me. He then feels so bad after it is over with. I then feel so bad for him and for me for not being in control more myself. I've had people who see him tell me I'm a good Mom for not losing it but it doesn't feel like it.
The strange part is that he is very good in school and his grades don't reflect a problem. He is behind in reading a bit but he had a terrible set back when my Mother died unexpectadly Christmas Eve. It tore his world apart. We buried her the day before his 7th birthday. And no this isn't what started his episodes he was doing it long before that but it certainly didn't help.
I wish you all the luck in the world. Blessings, Robin
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Old 08-19-2002, 09:44 AM
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Robin, my dd's like that--an angel in school. I think they save all those feelings inside, and explode at home.
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Old 08-19-2002, 10:59 AM
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Cissicat...

I am going to say this as if you were sitting across a table from me. You might not like it, but it needs saying without it being sugar coated. You are making every excuse not to bring your child to counseling.

If what you say is true, he NEEDS professional counseling before all these feelings he is having begins to fester. YOU are in denial of a problem. It didn't begin with a visit to his uncle. And, he may not be telling you all his feelings and confusions.

PLEASE make an appointment with a family counselor. YOU need it as well....Please, for the sake of your child.
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Old 08-19-2002, 12:48 PM
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I will add this. My son is a middle child. He is a high needs child. I've yet to find a counselor to help. I have found that he does much better if I keep him active (this on the advice of a counselor 2 years ago). He is in scouts, participates in acvtivites at the YMCA and does baseball and soccer when in season.
I make sure he gets a premium multi vitamin, sustained released vit. C and a calcium complex all in a chewable form. I cook healthy foods most of the time. I cook many vegetarian meals or wholesome dinners. We don't do junk food much and I stay away from prepackaged stuff when I can. I have healthy snacks for them to eat. I make sure he gets plenty to drink especially water. I make sure it is purifyed as well. Dehydration can casue a variety of problems. I also make sure he gets plenty of rest as it seems he goes downhill quickly if he gets tired and I try very hard to keep him out of stressful situations. And to top it off I use environmentally safe cleaners ect. and keep chemicals out of the house as much as possible. I've done alot of reading and some thoughts on this kind of behavior is that it can be related to diet, to indoor air pollution, to additives in the water, to chemical sensitivity etc. There seems to be many trains of thought so I've done my best to improve the situation. Again, good luck! I hope you are able to find a counselor you are happy with. The one and only counselor that ever was a help left our school and moved to another. I wish he was still available. Robin
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Old 08-19-2002, 01:23 PM
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You are not alone.

I also have a 7 y.o. ds who has terrible fits. he screams, hits, kicks yells, throws things... and after it was over he would cry and want to be loved.

He is really coming out of it and hasnt done this in several months. But it was at the point that I could not take him in public by myself.

somethings that I think were contributing

1. he finally told me some older boys were hitting/picking on him at school.

2. he said his teacher sometimes made him feel bad, (this is when he was in first grade) she would bring her 3 year old daughter to class with her and would compare them!!! *she can sit quieter than you and she is only 3 *she says her abc's better than you and she is just a baby (the whole class was saying Lmnop not L m n o p )

so a few calls to the principle, a couple of suspensions for the bullys, a new teacher and now things are so much better.

He really would never tell me anything was happening at school, daily I ask how was school, what was for lunch, what'd you do at recess...and he would just say I had a good day, pizza, and basketball. it took a long time to finally find out this was happening.

also, it was very hard because dh didnt understand..."well, he doesnt act that way with me!! you need to be firmer and more consistent, you need to do this..." and on and on. well Iam a SAHM and he was at work all day so he had no idea. finally we (my mom and brother) videotaped one of his episodes and dh couldn't believe that was our son.

so now the fits have stopped and I think it was a combination of the problems at school being fixed and him maturing a little, his principle told me once (we were talking about a seperate issue) that boys mature A LOT between 1st and 2nd grade.

gina.
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Old 08-19-2002, 01:43 PM
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I think that some of my sons behavior has something to do with bottled up emotions. I know kids can be cruel to one another. I'm hoping that my DS will mature some this year and he will regain control over himself and deal with things better.
My husband seems to think our DS is the only one that has ever acted like this. He isn't consistant with his enforcement. Only when he's had enough or when DS has a fit in front of him does he help me. He does not like the idea that DS is hitting me etc. and won't tolerate if he's here, but that's not often.
I do know that there are a couple boys who tease him at school and these same boys stay in trouble and not just from what I've reported happening. I'm hoping with all the things I'm doing at home and trying to maintain at school that thing will turn around soon. Robin
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Old 08-23-2002, 01:02 PM
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I feel your pain!

I had the same problems with my son (who is now 14)... he was so angry all the time and I couldn't figure out why. We finally took him to a pediatrician who suggested counseling along with medication. They did an extensive evaluation and concluded that he suffered from depression and anxiety. He ultimately went on a medication called Metidate. It was a success after many years of wrong medication. Doesn't make him loopy or groggy, but definately helps keep him "even".... Hope this helps.

p.s. I also make sure to spend some time with just him at least 2 times a week - just going for a walk or playing a game or something. Good Luck!

Jiggly (aka Cassie) ;-)
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Old 08-30-2002, 02:25 PM
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Took my four year old to the peditrician today. She gave me a referral to a psychologist for assessment. From what she said, she thinks more ODD rather than ADHD. I've called to set the appointment, just waiting for a call back. She did say it would take quite a while to get in to see him. Guess I'll keep reading and praying and trying to maintain some control for him.

Peace be with all of you.
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Old 08-30-2002, 03:57 PM
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I hope that you find a counselor that works. As I said previously, I've been there and done that with no luck. DS has been to Ped who recommended counseling. We've been to five.
One at our church. Two at school and another professional group and one at our local mental health facility. One of the school counselors was the only one who ever helped and he left. He's been through extensive testing and came back a high normal to ADHD. Last year the teacher said he had no problem with his attention span or focusing. His grades were good. This year the teacher has a different story. Guess we'll start all over again. I think he gets worse, in fact, I know it. If he is under stress or tired it accels in a hurry. On Wed. he had a bad evening. Then that night after he went to bed he called me in and started crying. He said he'd pulled 7 cards in recent days and he was afraid to tell me but decided to do the right thing so we could talk. He said he'd pulled them for talking and not turning in a homework assignment. I questioned the teacher and that's when I found out he was having a hard time keeping on track and focused during the day.
This morning we had a hard time but this evening he is calm and in control. It comes and goes.
Again, I wish you luck. Robin

Last edited by Robin whittington; 08-30-2002 at 04:15 PM.
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