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Elementary Aged Kids Your little ones have grown up right before your eyes! They are no longer those little babies they once were, and soon they are moving to adolescence.

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Old 09-25-2005, 11:12 AM
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Two Against One

Two of our neighbors have 5-year-old daughters. They like to play together and my DS (age 3 1/2) sometimes plays with them. Without fail, the 2 girls will spend their entire time making sure that my DS does not get to play. They will run toward a toy they didn't want to play with if they see him heading for it. They will keep him off the swings or slide.
Generally if he's only playing with one of these kids it's not a problem--but when the 2 girls are together then he's always miserable. Yet he always wants to play with them.
I wish we had neighbors with little boys his age, but this block is really heavy on girls...
Other than keeping him from playing with the 2 girls when they're together, is there anything that can be done about this? We like our neighbors & don't want to start any feuds.
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Old 09-30-2005, 09:05 PM
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Barb, I really feel for you! ( and poor Luke!)

It just seems that an odd number of kids is always a problem. I know in my neighborhood and with my DD's three was a "nasty" number..

My younger DD, almost 11, still gets excluded and treated like a "second class citizen" by our neighbor's DD.. We're friends with our neighbors, so It's very hard! The child is an emotional bully... and whenever there is another kid to manipulate, she'll set it up to exclude my DD..Oddly enough, if it's just the two of them. It usually works out... at least for a while...

I'd speak up and advocate for your son.. since at his age he doean't have a voive. I think the 5 year olds like him, because they can feel powerful in a way they can't with kids their own age.

Be outside with your son as he plays with them. Teach those girls come cmpasssion and empathy..

I'd say things like "sweetie, Let him have a turn now." Or "It's important to share, with him, just like you do with her.. And " remember how it felt to be left out? " Just like you probably did with your older kids.

All I can say is that it rips my heart out to see and hear her being treated that way! And definately bothers me more than it bothers my DD. I try to find her friends ho are better suited to her temperment, and make onr=on=one playdates whenever I can.

Perhaps there is a mother's group or a playgroup locally. Many libraries do a story-time.. Maybe you can meet other moms with kids the same age..

I do hope you can get it fixed. I know how upsetting it id..

Vs;
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Old 09-30-2005, 09:09 PM
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This is the very reason why I would never allow my DD to have 2 friends over to spend the night. I wish I could explain why, but 2 children will play just fine. However, when you put a 3rd child in the equation, 2 will tend to gain up on the 3rd, who is usually younger or weaker. I would personally allow your DS play with others in a one-on-one basis unless there is more than 3 total. Keep in mind, this is only my opinion from experience and I have only noticed this with girls. They seem okay in large groups, but when put in groups of 3--one seems to be left out and hurt.
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Old 10-01-2005, 02:46 AM
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Believe me, I know that 3 is a bad number. I've been convinced of it for years! And yes, it's mostly GIRLS....3 boys don't act the same way. I think girls just tend to pair up more, but boys run in packs, LOL!

Definitely I think this is a power thing. It drives me nuts. And poor Luke has no clue. He's just so happy to be playing with other kids.

We do go to storytime, and in December the local "pre-K hour" will start, and he's signed up for that. So we'll have a chance to expand his horizons a bit. There is one boy down the street but he is JUST 2, and hardly verbal, and although he is the same size as Luke they really aren't well suited as playmates yet. It worked fine at the pool in the summer but not as well indoors.
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Old 10-01-2005, 07:57 AM
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Barbszy, the thing is that I never understood why the girls would always gang up on the 3rd one with they were in 3s. I never noticed whether or not boys did it, but I did notice that I never had problems with my DS and his friends--probably because they were always running in packs! lol As a psychology major, this is something that I would like to learn about though. I would LOVE to understand this dynamic. I don't care what people say, there IS a difference between boys and girls.

When the "problem" stuff happened with my DS, it was usually a bully who came into the equation. The bully usually created problems with almost all the boys in that particular group. Of course, there seemed to be a few boys that would "join" the side of the bully in order to not be the brunt of whatever he dished out. However, most of us parents knew each other because we were in the same prayer groups and the like. We would get togehter and talk about this particular bully. Then, we would decide that our children could not be around this child, who was usually unsupervised and unloved. (This is not to say that all bullies fit this.)

I hope that your DS finds a male friend his age to play with. Have you thought about asking a someone you know from work, church, or some other place to allow their child to come over for a play date? It was easier for me to do as I lived in a town of bout 1,000 at the time. But a young little friend could come over and play and I'd serve a special lunch.

Good luck!

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Old 10-04-2005, 07:05 AM
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Pinkie Winky Girls v. Boys

Hey there---we are going through the same thing with our neighbors. I just try to make a point to be outside now with the kids so I can intervene when necessary. If at all possible I let them work it out themselves, but when the cruel treatment begins I step in. As the others have said, I have no problems when there is a yard full of boys, but let the girls start up and somebody inevitably starts crying. Words of encouragement to the kids when they do share seem to help encourage more good behavior of sharing, etc.

Good Luck!

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Old 05-01-2006, 04:15 PM
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I'm revisiting this thread because the problem is cropping up again as the weather warms up and we are all outside more.

It really is ONE of the girls who causes the trouble. She goes out of her way to exclude Luke. If we come outside and they are already out, she will actually come to the fence and tell me why Luke cannot play with her today.

Now her mother is telling me that she is having a lot of problems with this child, who will not eat anything, and is giving them trouble about going to school. To me it sounds like one big power play. I don't know what kind of advice to give the mom and I know she is looking for some. We have not let the parents know just how much the child's attitude is a problem. Haven't found a way to do that without causing severe stress among the grownups involved.
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Old 05-02-2006, 07:53 AM
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Do 3's have to be limited to girls vs boys? It seems that in our neighborhood the middle school years were atrocious! My dds were the ones caught in the middle of two divas. It was like seeing them pulled down the middle, and sometimes literally. One girl would take one hand and the other girl the other hand and they would pull on dds arms! One day, dd1 summoned enough strength and closed her arms in front of herself, pulling the two girls together! They were so surprised! Face to face.

From that time on, the conflicts were face to face between the two of them and my dds just played with whoever was not angry that day. It was miserable. It was a good thing to have school friends to invite over and play with because otherwise they would have been very lonely.

At ballet one day I got talking with one of the dads. He specializes his research on middle school triangles, especially girls, and especially with jealousy. Apparently this is common. And yes, most of it disappeared by the end of 8th grade. The two divas can coexist peacefully now and sometimes can even work on projects together.
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