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Old 01-27-2008, 05:20 PM
ellenmelon's Avatar
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Location: Pennsylvania
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Setting up Long Term Care for Mom

My brother called tonight. My sister is experiencing burnout in taking care of my mom. As a family we need to come up with a plan of extended care for my mom. We have only begun to explore what can be done, what is affordable, and what is agreeable and good for my mother's health and well being. Please keep us in prayer over the next months as we work this out.

I have also started this thread on hearing from others what they have done, what has worked, obstacles, etc. Even websites and resources that were a help. We have some agencies and talks in town that I will begin to attend.
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Old 01-27-2008, 08:20 PM
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ellenmelon....So sorry to hear about your Mom. I don't remember how old she is and if she can take care of herself? These are all questions that determine what to do.
Nursing homes are very expensive but if she has the money it is worth it.
My Brothers Motherinlaw just went into a nursing home and she loves it. When their money runs out they can go on medicaid. Usually this is all discussed when you sign in with them.

I did take care of my Mom as you remember but if she became an invalid I could not have done it alone. She even said she would go in a nursing home if it happened.

Hopefully you will get some good advice so you can make this decision with your family together.
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Old 01-29-2008, 12:41 AM
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Thank you Sueanne, I do remember how you took great care with your mom. Well, I see that mine is in the Independent part. One quick fall or a fast progression of dementia would change all that.

I have made two suggestions to my dbrother, that we look into in home care through one of the agencies in her town or that I take her in up here. I like the first choice as it is less disruption for mom and her friends. I like the second choice because we like Mom and it would be a benefit to all of us, solving many problems at once with little being spent.
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Old 02-01-2008, 04:25 PM
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Ellen You have my prayers . That said please check out what services are available even if she moves in with you.Depending on how much care she needs in can beverydemanding ,physically & mentally. You want the best care you can get her. I had my mom living with me her last year and I am very thankful my family supported me and helped me. We even sold our home and bought a new ranch for her & my dd & dgd. My kids took turns making sure she was not alone toward the end if I had to go out. They helped with bathing as she became more needy. It is little things like that you need help with. Many services are there , see if your city or town has a office for Senior care. They are a big help, Good Luck and know I'm not sorry for a minuate we had her
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Old 02-01-2008, 05:16 PM
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ellenmelllon....AARP has a great website that discusses caregiving related articles, resources, and message board discussions.
www.aarpmagazine.org/caregiving
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Last edited by Sueanne; 02-01-2008 at 05:20 PM.
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Old 02-02-2008, 05:22 AM
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Thank you for the tips, I did check out a couple sites for care in both my mom's hometown and this one. And I have visited 3 of them for other reasons and feel they are more than adequate. And both dds have said they would help. I think being here she would not feel isolated and I know we'll need to hire some relief care. But first choice would be for her to be able to stay in her own home (she has been there now for 50 years!)

Our house is easy because all the living areas are on one floor and she could have her own bathroom and kitchen on the same. Back home is a two-story and the basement has most of the things she likes to use so that's two flights daily and with her heart it is hard to do. But being separated from her only living sibling might not be good either. So I have offered to help with both and to say also that we need to consider long term care, finding a way to have minimal disruption.

I missed the alzheimer's talk at work, our human resources dept does a fabulous job in support of all health related things, but I got the materials, and continuity of the living environment is important to reduce confusion.

I've asked my brother to get a baseline on mom's mental health. He finally noticed the decline which I saw a year ago and no one else would acknowledge it then.
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Old 02-02-2008, 02:22 PM
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Ellenmellon Check into Adult Family homes in your moms area. This is what I do. We have 2 developmentally disabled young women living with us. We live as a family and help our gals with dailey living skills. We take them where they want to go etc. We can take in DD or elderly clients. Much nicer than a nursing home if extensive care is not needed. Medical assistance will pay for this service if money is a problem. Contact social services in your area for more info.
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Old 02-04-2008, 05:19 AM
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Ellen, it is so hard when it comes time that our parents can no longer live alone. If your mom is still fairly able to care for herself, she may qualify for a home health aid, someone who can come into her home and help care for her. They can help with anything from cleaning and household chores to personal care. Meals on Wheels can also help. If she does come to live with you, it can still be difficult. Does your area have adult daycare or social clubs? You might check with your state's agency on aging. If she does live with you, make sure you have resources set up to help you out so you do not burn out. Caring for another person can be hard sometimes if you also do not have an outlet. Nursing homes often have different levels of care depending on need. My advice is to check them out very carefully because what you see on the surface is not always what happens. My dad was in 3 nursing homes before he passed away. The first one was gorgeous and it seemed they had many many activities and programs for the patients yet none of it was an actuality. Visit several times and talk with other families who have family members there. They also can be very expensive but the most expensive nursing home does not mean it is the best. As Sueanne mentioned, AARP can also be a great resource. Your mom is very lucky to have a daughter that is so concerned and willing to take such good care of her. I hope you are able to make an informed decision that fits for your mom and your family.
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