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Divorce Divorce can be an emptional and financial roller coaster. Talk about it with those who have been through it before.

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Old 08-06-2002, 08:21 AM
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Question Divorce

Hi ,
I am currently going through a divorce in Canada . I know the laws are different everywhere but i would love to hear from other people that are going through the same thing , or that have gone through a divorce and are willing to share some support and tips.

Sue
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Old 08-06-2002, 11:35 AM
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Hi Sue, Im here to offer you support through all of it. I have been through an amicable divorce with my ex husband--was only a matter of signing the papers...we really had nothing to split up because we had been seperated for a while before hand. On the other hand, my husband went through a very long, hard divorce with his ex. It made it worse because they had kids and she moved to Texas from Pa. right before the process started. She tried to pull a fast one on him by moving and trying to declare residency there in time for the proceedings so that he wouldve had to travel there for all of the hearings. It didnt work.

The kids and the custody agreement are a whole other story

Can I ask, Is this a friendly divorce or not so friendly divorce ? Do you have kids ?

The best advice I can give you right off the top is to save every document that you can get your hands on. All legal papers, copies of taxes, copies of pay stubs, house info. ....

Im here if you want to talk more about it or you can email me too.

It helps to have people to talk to during this, especially days when you just want to vent about it !!


Take care,
Tami
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Old 08-06-2002, 04:32 PM
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Hi Tami ,

Thank you so much for your support ....believe me i am going to need it
In answer to your two questions ..umm NO it isnt a friendly divorce ( he is an idiot * i used a nice word LOL) and we have three kids but i have sole custody of them.
As for keeping everything , i even print the emails he sends to me and then BCC them to my mom as well who keeps a file for me ...along with any other details that i find out ..she takes notes then we type them up and hand them over to my lawyer ( i am in the wrong profession i swear lol) and let him deal with it .
The biggest thing right now is that he doesnt pay the proper amount of child support and here in Canada they wont grant you a divorce until the proper child support is paid to the custodial parent. He wont pay the $950.00 approx. he is supposed to so it will be a battle to get something close to that so that i can have my divorce. The court proceedings for the divorce were to start today but i havent heard back from my lawyer as to what he has done yet . He goes to all the court dates for me so i dont have to attend. I might have to attend one court date towards the end .... i am so not looking forward to that
Well, i have rambled on enough for right now lol Thank you again for being here and for your support... i sure do appreciate it a lot

Sue
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Old 08-06-2002, 06:22 PM
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Hi Sue! I'm sorry to hear of your current situation. Divorce is not easy. My parents were divorced and I wasn't about to get into that situation when I married - or so I thought!! But, life happens! Anyway, the best thing I can tell you is that things WILL get better. I actually had an amicable divorce, too. I would have given up everything for custody of my daughter. Of course, we didn't have alot so there wasn't really a problem there. Just try and take it one day at a time! And, of course, come here and talk with your friends whenever you need to!!

I wish you the very best!

Angela
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Old 08-06-2002, 06:40 PM
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momof4

Thank you for those kind words .. of course i will come and share with my extended ' family'
One thing i dont have to worry about is division of things .... we didnt own our home and he gave me the car cuz i need it for medical emergencies with the kids . Plus he was told he has to give it to me lol
Thank you again for all your support ... i really do appreciate it and i am taking things one day at a time

Sue
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Old 08-11-2002, 09:24 AM
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Divorce

I've been divorced for 25 years! The one hint I have for you is to not bad mouth your husband in front of the kids. They will figure out on their own that he's a jerk. My child was always available for reasonable visitation, but my ex seldom visited. Back then child support was pretty much optional and I mostly didn't get any support. My ex moved from state to state and just wouldn't show up for court dates, or would come and say he wasn't prepared. It cost too much in attorney fees to make him pay, so I basically quit trying. I know it is easier now to collect, at least here in the States. I hope you have some marketable skills. Three kids are a lot to handle. How old are they? I remember child care costing a fortune and that was way back then. Good luck. I hope things turn out better for you then they did for me.
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Old 08-11-2002, 09:39 AM
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Sorry about this time in your life Craftymom, I divorced my first husband after 10 years of marriage and child support was basically little...then they were promoting joint custody...it DIDN"T work in our case....I finally won full custody of my son and still child support was nil...I finally took him back to court and got a WAGE ASSIGNMENT...this way wherever he worked, I got paid first!!! Then I had support. So I don't know if this is possible in Canada but ask! Also now if they owe back support they can seize their tax refunds...of course this only works if they work. If your kids might need braces...get this in your settlement, even 1/2 of the bill is better than nothing.

I too, never talked bad about the father in front of my son...I let him find that out for himself...Now my sons realizes why I could not stay married to him.

On the bright side I found a great man, met him at work, and we have been married for 17years and have a son together.

janet
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Old 08-11-2002, 03:13 PM
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mulberry204 and janet ,

Thank you for your support and your helpful information
I also do not talk bad about their father infront of the kids .... the kids do however know what a jerk he is and often will make comments of which i just say ' that is just your opinion' although i wish i could add a few words to their comments half the time lol

As for the child support i am not sure what is going on with that right now as it is all in my lawyers hands ... i will hopefully hear something this week about that as i would like to get my divorce finalized before the end of summer !

I have learnt that just because one man treats you wrong for nearly 13 years it doesnt mean that every man will ... i have found a very nice , caring man who takes a great interest in me and my kids and their welfare. We have been together for just over 2 years now so i do know that there are REAL men out there that do treat ladies nicely!!!

Oops , got off track there for a second lol i will let you know what the lawyer tells me as soon as i hear something. I never realized that getting rid of 'junk' would be so hard or mentally draining. You cant just put it at the curb and let the garbage man take it away you have to fight to have it taken away!!!!!

Anyway , thank you everyone for your support and help... i need all the help i can get

Sue
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Old 08-11-2002, 07:05 PM
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divorce

Just want to add support and sympathy to what you are and will be going through for awhile. I did not have a friendly divorce but I can tell you that when I look back on it I wonder why I wasted so much time and energy fighting about some of the stuff that I did. Things WILL get better and I ended up thanking God for it. If husband hadn't chosen to leave with younger woman (but wanted me at his disposal also) I would still be there because I didn't believe in taking marriage lightly. Now I see that my kids suffered more for my staying than if I had ended it sooner. My advice is to focus on the good that you have left... no matter how little, your kids, and mapping out your future. Try to take the high road but don't be a doormat. You will end up with no regrets at how you handle things and will hold your head up and someday you will have a much better life.All the gameplaying and bitterness eats up so much of your energies and you will look back and wonder why you gave it so much of yourself. Spend your time focusing on something that will benefit you and the kids! I give this advice because I didn't do it that way..I exhausted myself chasing around trying to find the truth, fighting, losing sleep, etc. etc. I did take the high road and got taken advantage of, but I know that I did everything that i knew how to do at the time and there are no regrets.And by the way, I ended up finding a wonderful man (and a great friend) quite by accident and my life is better than I could have ever hoped....Good luck, shari
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Old 08-12-2002, 04:41 AM
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divorce

I really agree with what slb427 had to say. She is right. She made me remember my own parents staying together for the sake of the children, and I remember how awful it was for everyone. We all had to tiptoe around. She is also right about taking the high road and not beating yourself up. You can only change yourself, you can't change the other party and you need to be prepared to be able to handle yourself and children to the best of your ability - financially, emotionally, be there for their problems - there will be quite a few, be the disciplinarian, the whole bit. It is going to be rough, but you just couldn't allow your children to witness what your husband was trying to put you through. It would have been a horrible example for your children to see a man be so emotionally abusive. I really wish you luck in all of this. You will at some point look back at it as a bump in the road and you can take pride in having chosen to do the right and moral thing for your kids. Good Luck! Don't you feel better about yourself already? Imagine living with that fool and getting treated so unfairly? Men!
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