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Divorce Divorce can be an emptional and financial roller coaster. Talk about it with those who have been through it before.

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  #41 (permalink)  
Old 06-06-2006, 12:23 AM
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Good to hear Fran. Are you still in separate households or have things improved beyond that?!
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Old 06-06-2006, 06:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by megrayau
Good to hear Fran. Are you still in separate households or have things improved beyond that?!
No because of finances we are still in different households. Me and our daughter are with my parents and he is with his dad.We do see each other alot and talk many times a day. It is hard but it will get better, hopefully.
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  #43 (permalink)  
Old 11-17-2006, 06:16 AM
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my experience is you have to make your plans before you can just leave. Therapy helps a lot to make you strong emotionally. I listened to how he was leaving me for 24 years ,he would scare me and threaten so years before i even filed i read some books on the subject, start saving some money so so if you need it you will have it for the first and last months rent ,movers are expensive about 834.00 depending on how far you move. you need to have your own credit card because the first thing they do is cancel everything. and if he decided to take the money like mine did you have money to live on . divorce takes at least 8-l0 months know what you want to do ,where you might want to live and if it never happens that's great but you are ready if it does. to just leave is very scarey to many what abouts..but when you have made your mind up you need then to be strong and move forward. looking at old photos confuses you , for me our relationship had changed drastically. the person that i had said never leave me we will be so happy turned into the enemy.but mine was an emotional abuse case and he had been messing around for years i just didnt admit it i had to see it on paper my friends figured it out long before i did. i waited till my son was in college and daughter was 15 so she didnt have to go for visitations if she didnt want to . i couldnt make her go she never would have understood it was the law and i didnt have a choice.i dont understand why men are so self centered now a days like they are jealous of their own children they miss out on a great experience dont they......how fun it would be to have family bedtime stories , or play games with the kids and how secure would the children feel it would be great ...seems to be rare when it does happen though.mine would be so crabby and start fights if we wanted to go shopping or get pumpkins so the kids and i just went on our own. we would go out when he would go out of town for the week and do everything from doing pumpkins to buying a real tree and putting it up before he got home he preferred it that way and so did we , we got to have fun. some people want to go out for date night and some dont i didnt , it was hard to leave the kids with a sitter i felt bad leaving them ... he was an adult i felt and could have adapted to our world i certainly did.we have kids we grow up and are giving every minute of the day men just cant..wouldnt you think after being gone all day he'd love to come home and be with the family....do things with the kids while you get to take a long hot bath...women are much more giving to each other and understand what we are going thru but men just dont have a clue. but as we have seen there are men who can and do get involved so we know our men could but they are very into themselves.we would make projects during the day and the kids would want to show him but the computer was more interesting to him...i am of the thought if they want date night they should have more family nights, be more a part of our worlds instead of taking so much.they are truly missing out. I hope things work out for you but if something happens you will be prepared. i have found the pics are nice but they are of a different time, we dont know what happened and i think its that men just dont take the time ,they want everyone to cater to them and their needs forgetting the wife and kids have needs as well.
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Old 11-17-2006, 06:24 AM
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i also agree with candy....my thing was i meant it when i said my vows not only did i say them to my husband but to God as well but as she said both of you have to be into the marriage ...I'm sure God doesnt want women to take all kinds of abuse either, he opens doors and guides you thru it, he is with you every step of the way and gets you to a safer place.
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  #45 (permalink)  
Old 04-15-2007, 08:47 AM
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update from fran

I feel so bad I have not kept in touch or been online in many many months. I am here to post an update. Things are as confusing as ever since I last posted in June. My husband insisted we participate in fmaily holiday over Thanksgiving and Christmas at his family so I considered that a good sign of better things to come. Come Jan however the phone calls slowed down and he went back to hardly seeing my daughter or even calling. I would call and he would say things are COMPLICATED right now. I could not imagine what could be so darn complicated you either want your family or not. There were many long phone calls of him saying he was confused, conflicted, confused, etc so I gave him space.

Fast forward to Easter weekend. He has our daughter for the weekend and when i pick her up she says she played with Katie. I was like who is Katie. Apparently my 33 yr old husband has a 19 yr old girlfriend in which he has had since last 4th of July! I WAS SHOCKED! Not so much about the girlfriend part but more than she is a family friend we have known and been around since she was 10! She is best friends with my 20 yr old niece (his sisters daughter) His whole family knew and all this time they were comforting me and supporting me in my decision to save my marriage all along they knew he had been seeing (in all accounts) a child. (He is 32 as well)

Anyway I felt betrayed by the amily I had once been close to and didn't know how to react. I was supposed to attend a family dinner (his family) this week as well as another neice's first communion. I regretfully declined to attend last week. I am now regretting that however it is already done. I had a 2 hour screaming match with my husband on easter and said IN ANGER he would not see our daughter until the courts demanded it. I have since changed my mind as it is not fair to her but made it very clear he is only causing confusion and damage to her in the long run by having her around his child girlfriend. I explained that I was from a broken home and had people in and out of my life growing up and since then I have real hard time getting close to anyone because in the past they always left.

I am getting counseling however he is not. I have grown alot in the last 15 months and he seems just as confused as before and now signs of wanting help.

At this point I dont know whether I am coming or going. I am sure the confusion is normal and other in similiar situations have experience the same however one day I will be filled with rage and wanting the quickest divorce ever then the next day I want to continue to give him time.

I love my husband very dearly and know and understand what our problems were in our marriage however I can not fix them myself and not without a chance.

Any opionions, advice or prayers would be appreciated and I am back online now I can actually read them.

I miss having this outlet.
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  #46 (permalink)  
Old 04-15-2007, 02:47 PM
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Fran,
you must have been reading my mind, I was just thinking about you. Wondering how you are.
In my opinion it is time to call it quits with your husband.
As for his family, what they did just isn't right. Although it wasn't their place to tell you about the girlfriend I think that maybe they should have since you were trying so hard to reconcile.
I feel that he has had more then enough time to sort through things. If he has hidden this relationship for the past how ever many months, then he doesn't want to be married. He may not want a divorce, but he sure as you-know-what doesn't want to be married.
Hope I didn't sound harsh, but I think its time for you to move on with your life and take care of you and your little one.
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Old 04-17-2007, 05:41 PM
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i know it is just hard and I am not sure if I am ready to give up. I know where you are coming from though. I am trying to continue my counseling so I will feel better about whatever decision I decide.

Thanks... love (not too harsh
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Old 04-17-2007, 08:44 PM
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Fran, For you and your dds sake I really think you should move on. He seems to only be into the relationship when it sutes him. Now he is seeing another girl, how can you ever forget forgive and trust him again. I wish you luck with whatever you decide but I really think there is happiness out there for you but not with him. Sorry if that comes across as harsh but I hate to see people hurt and thats all he keeps doing to you. After all this time do YOU really think he is going to change? Did you ever in your marriage come first to him? I remember lots of your posts and I dont think you did. (Finances, his son etc) Sending lots of hugs and prayers your way.

Dont stay away so long next time. We do care!!!!
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Old 04-17-2007, 11:14 PM
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Fran - I will keep you and your dear daughter in my prayers. I am glad that you are still in counseling and pray that it helps you.

As much as I hate to see a marriage break-up from what you have written your husband does not seem to be to concerned about yours or trying very hard to reconcile.
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Old 11-03-2007, 10:31 AM
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Update...

Okay girls, it has been awhile again and I am sorry. I have so busy. My daughter and I finally moved into an apartment out of the house we were staying with family. It has been a good transition but hard financially. We make it pay check to pay check so I will be checking out the frugal boards often for ideas.. lol

My husband and I are still married however still not together. Each day that goes by I am closer and closer to accepting it. I would file for divorce now if I could afford it however right now I am trying to come up with the money to get divorced by the end of the year, I hope.

I just wanted to drop a line and say things are getting better, day by day. I do still miss him but know we will just probably never be again. We are still friends and he calls often but I try hard to not answer and leave him wondering as to not be so accesible.

I have not started dating but am at least open to the idea now so we will see where that takes us.

Thanks to everyone for the prayers, emails, etc. My daughter is getting so big and is about the best thing in the world to me right now. She has been my saving grace.

love all..
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