Divorce, baby, which?

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  • I will look for it. I had gotten a book about a year ago after my daughter was born called "the walk out woman" from the christian store and it makes alot of sense. It says on front "for any man wanting to love his wife more deeply - and for any woman dying to be loved that way" It talks about inside how to decide which to do. It is a christian book of course so it says ways to prevent divorce however it also says it takes two and if both parties are not willing then you need to let it be and be one for God, yourself and your kids. It is a great book for anyone needing more from marriage not just those of us of the brink of divorce. I wish I would have gotten it years ago before it got so bad. Maybe I could have stopped it earlier but I agree I must move on. If he decides later he wants his family then the ball when then be in my court as to whether I want to try again instead of my life being on hold (standing in middle of intersection) for who knows how long. Like I said before I have very little hope that he will EVER change and if he does will he even change to the extent of what I want from a husband and father. He has alwasy been selfish and I think that is coded in his brain.

    GLAD there are people here to share with.
  • Quote: I would hate for me to file for divorce and then his world come crashing down where he has not other choice but to grow up and then him realize he had a good thing in his family. YET I don't want to stall either because I don't see him sticking to anything that is not enforced by court.
    Candy is right - none of us know exactly what you and your DD are going through. However, since he has stated that he wants the divorce and you do not see him sticking to anything not enforced by court papers, I would get things rolling ASAP. If the situation changes later, you could always hold off on signing the final papers, etc.. But I would at least get something temporary put in place by the court.

    Good Luck!!!

  • Good News!!
    A little dose of reality and a few days alone for him to think and he has decided his family is important and he is now willing to do whatever it takes for me to trust him again. I said that is great and I agree but that I still think we need to continue with our plans to split and just hold off on the divorce. This will give us both time alone to think, reflect and time for us to not only work together but work on us individually as well. I said I can not make any promises but the fact is willing to try is a HUGE step.

    We will see. I do feel better. Back to packing. Maybe now since there is hope I won't be so depressed and I can get more packed thinking.
  • Prayers & Hugs
    I have heard that distance makes the heart grow fond.

    I am happy for you that he has come back & eased some of your pain. But I think you must have the wisdom of Solomon to tell him it is probably still a good idea to seperate for a time.

    Perhaps, during this time you and he can remember why you fell in love with one another in the first place ("date night")!? This would be an ideal time to bring up couples counceling again. See how he reacts. That will tell you a lot about how much he really is willing to DO to keep your marriage together. It probably wouldn't be too bad an idea for each of you to also get individual counseling. I reccommend a christian counselor, though. If you go to church, your pastor could probably reccommend a counselor to you.

    I will continue to pray for you and your family. May I ask what your husbands name is so I can pray for him using his name? You can PM me if you don't want to share this info with everyone. Or simply don't respond if you don't want to share that info at all. It's fine. God knows the situation without my knowing his name.

    If you have more specific prayer requests, please feel free to PM me with those requests. I will be happy to pray for you. For your marriage to make through hard times (any and all that you will ever face) will make the bond between you and your husband stronger every time you make it accross the hurdle, and bring glory and honor to both of you and God.

  • Txchef_Fran, whether or not this works out for you, I think it would do you good to enter therapy. If if doesn't work out in the beginning, find a different therapist that works well with you and your DH, if he is willing to go. Many churches also have therapists available as well. He or she may be able to help you see things better and more clearly since he/she isn't emotionally involved. (It's easier to see things when you aren't in the situation.)

    This is only my opinion, but men in our culture seem to still need raising after they are grown. (Sorry guys. LOL) He may feel a bit jealous about the baby. Who knows? You know the saying, "The only difference between a man and a boy if the price of their toys?" LOL Sometimes we women have to have a little bit of patience with these men. However, I am not involved in your situation, so I don't know how bad it is. But, it does sound like he needs to grow up or he'll be on his upteenth marriage. I know it must be frustrating for you.

    Please keep us posted. This has got to be very difficult for you and the children.
  • Yes he has agreed to counseling and anything else he said he needs to do. I am still planning on moving. I told him that was great but I needed action not just words. We will see.
  • I'm glad you're sticking to your guns. Good luck!
  • Texchef_fran - sorry to hear of your situation. I hope he goes to the counseling and it helps you all out with whatever decision is best for you. Good Luck!
  • Fran,
    I was so sorry to hear this news. I pray that the counseling will help and you two will be able to work it out. My heart goes out to you.

    hugs, train
  • Hi Texchef_fran,

    I am glad to hear you are sticking to your guns but have you ever found out if he was even cheating in the first place?

    Although I am contemplating divorce myself now it is not because he's not here or anything like you, but I wish you all the best!

    Keep us updated!