Visit for tons of seasonal ideas!
quick link - go to our home page quick link - kid's crafts, family fun, printables, etc quick link - sign up for our free newsletter quick link - holiday crafts, recipes and ideas quick link - gardening, organizing, saving money, decorating and more quick link - our FunBook is filled with lots of quick ideas, tips and crafts quick link - join our bustling community of friendly members

Go Back Forums > >

Divorce Divorce can be an emptional and financial roller coaster. Talk about it with those who have been through it before.

Thread Tools Rate Thread
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 03-30-2005, 07:52 AM
cwrp's Avatar
Six Year Member
FamilyCorner Newbie
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 32
Question Getting Past Divorce

I was married for 29 years and had 3 children. We did not have the perfect marriage, but everyone thought we did. I knew something was happening, but could not put my finger on it. As it turned out he was having affairs all the time we were married. I suspected one but not all that he admitted to. What I can not get over is the fact that it was happening right in front of me, and I was blind. The women he was with were all acquaintances, or so called friends, one was a step neice. I just can not seem to get over the fact that I was so blind. It has made me trust no one anymore, I did very little before. He has 2 kids outside of ours, one a so called friend, the other his sister in law, no tests were ever done but he admits this. It can go on and on, but it has been three years now and I still can not get over it...even though I am married to someone who is wonderful to me.
Have a nice day, Carol

"Of all the gifts to the human race...what is sweeter than a child?"
Reply With Quote
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 03-31-2005, 11:50 AM
VickiLynn's Avatar
Seven Year Member
FamilyCorner Junkie
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 790
I can't imagine being hurt so deeply by someone you trust. I don't know if I could get over it, either. Have you tried counseling?

Hopefully the hurt will fade in time, as the bad memories are replaced with good ones with your current husband.
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 03-31-2005, 01:33 PM
sandieluvsbears's Avatar
Nine Year Member
FamilyCorner Fanatic
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 4,138

Hi Carol, I truly feel for you. This is my second marriage and we have been married for 13 years now, but even though its been that long and we are happy and I love my dh to death and he is great to me, I still at times revert back to the old feelings of inadequency my ex instilled in me that werent true. Or I may do something and think to myself Oh no dh is gonna kill me, because I was so conditioned from my first marraige to feel that way, once again in reality I know it isnt true. What Im tryig to say is it takes a long time to get over those things, longer for some than others, therapy may help, but I think you just have to learn to let go of the past and keep going forward. I know its hard sometimes and you were really hurt and decieved,but if your marriage now is good than accept it and enjoy it, and try not to look back. Its totally understandable how you are afraid to trust others, but try not to let the fear ruin anything for you.If you need to talk pm me any time, or I can send you my email addy, sometimes it takes a person that isnt so close to you to see the problem in a different way. Either way good luck , I know its hard but what I say to myself now is I would go thru it all again if I knew it would lead me to the great dh I now have.If that was gods way of bringing him to me so be it, because things happen for a reason, and take advantage of your life now, life is too short as it is.I have 2 beautiful GD's now and a great dd, and it makes me happy to know that I was able to move on and enjoy it all, and I know you will be able to do that too.
Hugs to you
Attached Images
Reply With Quote
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 03-31-2005, 03:19 PM
CHERYL12661's Avatar
Eight Year Member
FamilyCorner Admirer
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Bensalem, Pennsylvania
Posts: 88
I truly feel for you and have been there also. What part have you not gotten over in the three years? Is it that you still love your ex husband and cannot get him out of your mind or is it simply that you have a hard time trusting people? If it is simply the trust then I think that is understandable and will take time. I think it is only natural to feel "I have been burned once and can surely be burned again." I think also that going through what you did diminishes ones self-esteem and it takes time to rebuild that. If it is that you cannot get your mind off of him then perhaps you should consult a therapist.
Reply With Quote
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 03-31-2005, 07:56 PM
Lifestar's Avatar
Nine Year Member
FamilyCorner Junkie
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: I'm in a New York State of Mind
Posts: 1,823
Your post broke my heart!

What stands out most to me, is the statement "I just can not seem to get over the fact that I was so blind."

I feel like giving you a big ((hug)) and reminding you that you didn't do anything wrong! You werent blind.. You'e making that harsh judgement of yourself based on hindsight.. which is the only way all things become clear..

Please don't blame yourself! YOU were not deficient in any way.. He injured you terribly. (as did the women who dared participate in this cruel deception.) And whatever sense of inadequacy you are feeling now is a result of the years of hurt and anger they caused you.. Not because of any inability to "see" on your part.

You were injured terribly by this experience.. What ever psychic scars you are carrying were put there by HIM, and are no fault of your own.

My gosh! The fact that you were able to open your heart again and build a new marriage shows me how wonderfully resillient you are. And I applaud you for picking yourself up and moving forward.

Don't let him hurt you anymore by indulging in self-blame.. Put the blame squarely where it belongs.. on him and those women. And see only what's ahead of you.. Leave the hindsight behind ..
Reply With Quote
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 04-01-2005, 06:12 AM
Pamela'shome's Avatar
Six Year Member
FamilyCorner Admirer
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Arizona
Posts: 88
Carol, I have been there too. As to the previous post about blaming the other women, well it may ahve decieved them also or some of them into the fact that he was not married. Do not feel like you are alone in this there are plenty of us in this boat. As to trust it takes time, but evedentely you trusted somenone enough to remarry already that alone is a big trust issue just to say "I do". As To trusting your ex there is nothing that says you have to! Mine still likes to play head games I just try not to talk to him unless I absolutely have to, luccky for me he moved out of state 4 years ago. Plus he signed over his rights so my husband could adopt Scott(didn't want to pay child support anymore). The past is the past remember it as that & look to the future & remember "today is a gift that is why it is called the present". If you are really having a lot of problems about this then I too recomend getting counseling, either from a professional or your pastor. My ex loved controlling everything & if yours does too then you are still gratifying that for him. I had a counselor tell me to make a pair of scissors with my fingers & when ever he started in & getting to me to cut those strings right in front of him, drove my ex crazy asking "what are you doing"? I told him protecting myself! From what? You! Dumbfounded him everytime but it deterred him from what he would be doing(or trying) to do to me. Which it did help. Now that my son is 19 I never talk to the man haven't in over 1 year. He calls my sons cell phone all the time & not my home number. Won't have to deal with him again until Scott gets married if he would even come back for that, he is more interested in his second family. Be strong for yourself because you can be & those 3 wonderful children you share. Make a point to only discuss the children with him also. I did that too, "if you want to talk about Scott I will be more than happy to talk to you, anything else you may speak to my husband about" drove him crazy also. And when he would try to talk about other things I would put Don on the phone, of course ex would hang up. Little things like that help take the pressure off of you & put it back where it belongs. These were all things that counslers had me do & boy did it save my sanity! Sorry so long, I guess I could write a book on this subject. Good luck!!!
Pam, wife of Don, Mother of Scott19, Richard6, & 3 angels in heaven!!
Reply With Quote

Related Topics
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Golden Oldie Juke Box Songs From The Past Sueanne Idle Chit Chat! 2 02-25-2014 10:19 AM
Divorce lawyers janithataylor Marriage & Divorce 3 08-05-2008 07:09 AM
Divorce craftymom Divorce 41 07-12-2007 01:56 PM
Need divorce opinion!!! mom2-4 Divorce 6 01-11-2003 01:31 PM

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Thread Tools
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -8. The time now is 04:16 AM.

Copyright 2018 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.


Our Family FunBook is packed full of ideas from parents just like you!

Our members say that they have never found a friendlier message board community than ours!

Our kid's craft section is filled with easy ideas for creative little minds.

We have tons of free printable coloring pages to keep your little ones happy.

We offer a wide variety of free newsletters delivered right to your inbox.

Our Household Hints & Tips have a wealth of information on cleaning, organizing, and more!
Go to the funbook Go to forums Go to kid's crafts Go to printables Go to newsletters Go to Hints & Tips

Home || Newsletters || Advertising || Terms of Use || Privacy || Services || Submissions || Contact Us || Media Opportunities || Link To Us || Shop || Feedback || Staff || e-Cards || Reminder Service® is sponsored in part by...

Visit our friends --> MomsMenu | Main Street Mom | She Knows | Baby University | Personal Fitness Zone |

Copyright Notice | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use/Disclaimer