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Divorce Divorce can be an emptional and financial roller coaster. Talk about it with those who have been through it before.

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Old 12-26-2004, 10:55 AM
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What a coincedence!

I have had a membership here for a long time but I have posted rarely. I found this divorce forum by accident. I am hoping the following short story will help other "mature" widowed ladies avoid a pitfall I have run into.

I am a widow that got married 4 years ago. The man I married worked full time for the first 2 years we were married, he is a sweetheart of a guy but has not worked for the last 2 years. He has developed a chronic back problem. I found out after we were married that he had a period of 10 years with the first wife that he did not work at all from a back injury received on a job. I am wife #3 and there is a lot I don't know about wife #2. So you see, I took the leap on faith. Well, to cut to the chase..........I am getting a divorce from him ASAP. We are still going to live together, he is still a nice guy and a great companion, but unmotivated to find any other work outside of his professed trade as an electrician. He and I are 57 years old, I am still working at a (barely above minimum wage job) and supporting both of us. I did some research and found out that if I am single by the time I am 60 years old, I can collect on my deceased husbands Social Security benefits and he was a work aholic that always made as much money as he could. Another reason I am going to this extreme measure is I do not want a financial obligation for him if he becomes seriously ill or does not pay his tax obligations.

The reason I am putting this here is that I want other ladies that might be in a similar situation as I am to know what I found out. We are going tomorrow and sign the documents I had prepared by a paralegal in front of a notary public at the bank. I am taking back my other married name so it will make it easier for me to collect on my departed husbands S.S. benefits. I also feel this gives me even more financial and legal "arm room".

So, if your contemplating marriage at a mature age there is more to it than "love".

Thanks for letting me air my dirty and vent a bit.
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Old 12-26-2004, 01:37 PM
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bobbiegirl....So glad you found out about that ruling before it was too late. I have seen to many widows lose everything even their husbands pension from remarrying too soon. I am glad he knows that you are smart and looking out for your future.

In some states you can even lose half of the house from your first marriage when you remarry and divorce, if he contributed to the upkeep of the house.

There are many websites to keep you well informed about divorce and marriage. Hope this one helps?

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Sueanne http://www.divorcenet.com/bbs/
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Old 12-27-2004, 03:41 PM
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chuckle So am I!!

It is hard to imagine that I got lucky because either by design or accident, he stopped working. I am trying to get on the web address you provided. There is something about my email address it just doesn't like. I will keep trying. Thank you for the kind words. We live in an apt. and we don't even have joint bills. Thank goodness for that!! I am also looking forward to not being responsible for any of his medical bills if he (God forbid) fall seriously ill. I know this might sound "cold" but it is just the truth. I would not expect him to be responsible for mine, that is why I have a job with health insurance benefits.

Thanks again!!
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Old 01-13-2005, 05:13 AM
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Bobbiegirl I applaud your initiative, and also your dh's support and understanding.

My dad has been "co habitatating" with his better- half for almost 20 years. They never legally married for the very reasons you outlined here. They both had their own finances, and stood to risk too much.

Now my dear dad is in end stage altzheimers. and his entire wealth is being stripped away to pay for his care and support. And his dear "wife" is protected. She will be able to survive, nad support herself for many more vital years.. as it should be. The state cannot touch her passed husband's social security pension that she collects since his death .. They own their home jointly, so that is protected until her death, when the estate will go into probate.

Aren't "the Golden Years" lovely?
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