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IndigoTears 09-12-2004 06:28 PM

How to Overcome Husbands Adversity in Redecorating House
I have a question. Is it a normal response from a husband to be totally uninterested or even negative/adverse in having any improvements made to the house? I have always been a do-it-yourselfer as explained in my previous posting about paint removal here. And even though my husband disapproved of the work I did in previous houses I thought it was mainly because we rented there and weren't the property owners. Recently though I have had to slow down due to health limitations and we can now afford to pay others to do redecorating, painting etc. We bought a solid 1930's brick home in excellent condition that still has actual paper-wallpaper on some of the walls, and the rest of the entire house seems to be painted in a semi-gloss white paint. The curtains are circa 1930's; one set of drapes which I have already left for the garbage men to haul off and indoor wood sill trim and exterior wood front door that have suffered from sun damage among other small things. Every time I try to initiate any type of contact with contractors or set up a decorating scheme plan, I get actual negative adversity from my husband that makes me feel like I am asking him walk into the path of a coming semi-truck. When I ask if its okay to replace the wallpaper with something more durable, he says, "Sure." When I tell him I want his input so we won't go through the argument and contempt he usually shows for my choices he says, "Sure." But when it comes down to actually doing something, I get nothing but a baulky mule. I can't figure out why he thinks my taste is so poor. I am a member of a local artists' group and just started showing my paintings to a receptive and quite complimentary audience. Any ideas about what is going on here or how to resolve the issue without divorce proceedings are greatly appreciated:bawl:

barbszy 09-13-2004 10:47 AM

Is the issue over the choices in decorating (taste) or the cost of decorating (money)?
I mean, is the "taste" excuse a cover up for worry or anger about the cost of decorating?

IndigoTears 09-13-2004 08:03 PM

I have seriously been trying to find out by asking and by thinking back about things, but haven't gotten very far. I think part of it may be a control issue. He is a Vietnam Veteran with PTSD disability and is medicated for Manic Depressive Disorder. I thought it was weird that some time back he had no adversity to the color green, but now he says he will absolutely have nothing to do with ANY shade of green in the house anywhere. He claims when he retired from the Army he left all the green he could stand in his past. I think part of it is the fact that he lived in too much base housing units most of his life which were all white-walled... Which makes me ask why he thinks semi-gloss white all over the house is desirable? When I repainted the guest bedroom a soft blue he had a fit. I had to get help from the neighbor to do the ceiling and it's not perfect. But when I got done he complimented me on the appearance of the room. (???) Part of it is just plain adversity to change. He commented that as far as he was concerned he could live here until "they carry me out feet first." Part of it is just unwillingness to go through the process of picking out designs etc. When I bring wallpaper pattern books home and show him what I like, he is more than likely to agree with me until I actually buy the wallpaper trim and bring it home. When it is all paid for he tells me he hates it (?). So far I have spent $120 on wallpaper trim that I can't return due to the store and supplier's policy that he refuses to have in the house!:confus: If this is because of money one would think he would have preferred not to spend it in the first place. When I asked why he agreed in the first place with one of my choices he just said, "I just did that's all." It feels like he doesn't want anything done but just doesn't want to say anything... As far as my color perspective, I've received many compliments about the way I handle the costuming job at our local Community Theatre, so I suppose that is not an issue... Except when he is one of the stage actors and then complains to me about what I have pulled for him to wear. Is this one of those "guy things" that at age 54 I am just learning about? I thought that taking care of the house and decorating was a responsibility that women usually handled... But I still had hoped it to be a joint decision. Should I go ahead with his former comment of , "Sure." and contact some contractors? I know that money isn't really that big of an issue.I am really, really perplexed about the whole thing!:goof:

sunny_mom 09-16-2004 11:39 AM

Sounds like he just is not into interior decoration. I guess you could say it is a guy thing because a lot of guys are averse to painting, wall papering etc the walls any special color or design.
But I do know a couple of guys that are not interested in such things but won't stop their wives from indulging themselves and decorating the house (even if it is just to keep the peace).
May be your husband doesn't want to be deciding, picking, decorating any thing. But I think you should find out if he is Ok if you go do it.

MomsZoo 09-16-2004 12:47 PM

My husband is similar in that he just doesn't get what it means to decorate. He thinks a room is decorated enough with just a fresh coat of paint and can't imagine why I would want things on the walls and such. Prime example: after we painted our bedroom a beautiful plum color, he hung mini blinds, which was fine with me for room darkening purposes. But when I bought plum sheers to match he got all bent out of shape "what's wrong with the blinds?!?!" I told him the blinds were fine, but I wanted something pretty over them and he looked at me as if I had 2 heads. The sheers were only $7 per pair so it wasn't the price, he just doesn't get it. I've finally told him to leave the decorating to me, end of discussion :rednose:

IndigoTears 09-16-2004 07:11 PM

:wave2: Thanks a bunch for even a little input... I have been going nuts trying to figure out what was going on, or if I was missing something... Ya' know still learning and all that stuff. Think I'll just give a small project a try and see what happens.8-)

sunny_mom 09-17-2004 07:10 AM

Good idea. Keep us posted.:)

Jora 09-19-2004 07:47 AM

What would you do with a husband who wants to get involved -- and who does have good suggestions, but who is a perfectionist and feels no reason to get done in a reasonable amount of time?

For example ... we once had no curtains in our front window for 14 MONTHS because he didn't have time and only 'he' could do it 'right.'

He sees no problem with this. But he's been working on our rec room floor -- since New Year's Day.

SarahV 09-19-2004 06:28 PM

Jora, my hubby is the EXACT same way. We have to wait for the perfect time, the perfect day, the perfect price, or whatever, to get something done. Well you know and I know that "perfect" does not exist very often in the real world. I finally gave up and just do most things myself. Honestly, nothing would get done otherwise!


MomsZoo 09-19-2004 06:31 PM

Exactly!!!!! :yakk: :lol: :yakk:

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