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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 04-30-2003, 08:52 PM
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Bilby.. that shows planning, responsibility, maturity and cooperation.. !

BRAVA!! *s*
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Old 04-30-2003, 09:47 PM
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Well, Tx chef, I hate to say it but it sounds like you are in for a rough road if you don't get this sorted out. We have been married for 11 years. The first year my Dh handled the finances until I discovered that he really didn't understand them and bills were being paid late (seems to be a common problem doesn't it?). At that point I took them over. He was a little upset at first, wounded pride I think, but I have been handling them ever since. We don't have "his" money and "her" money. We're partners and as someone else earlier said, that's really important to make a marrige work. Usually he has made more money than me but occasionally it's been me. We both do our best and that's the main thing
I have a notebook that I keep which has listed out each of the bills. They way I handle our finances is that I set aside each week a 1/4 of the monthly amount i.e. if the mtg is 800 a month then
200 is set aside each week so that at the end of the month you have $800 sitting there so you just pay the bill. The tricky part is you have to include everything, credit card payments, gas, electric, ins hair cuts etc. This includes the bills I only pay every six months like car ins. I break it down and figure out how many weeks till its due, divide that into the amount and that amount gets set aside.
All the money goes into the bank. Each week I balance my bank account and add up how much I should be at to cover whats in the log. What is left is what we have to play with- period. If there is something we want that is a big purchase then I add it to the list, figure out realistically how much I can set aside each week and when we have set the amount aside that"s needed then we purchase it. It knocks out the instant gratification but also the impulse buying. On the other hand it makes it so I don't have to just say no to bigger things, they just have to be planned for.
It takes discipline but my bills are always paid on time and there are no emergencies. Also if my Dh wants to know where the money is going I can just sit down with the book and show him.
There has been plenty of times when we've stressed over money but we have never fought over it. Money itself is not evil. It's
an exchange for work we do and allows us to then purchase the things we need (or want if we have earned enough). The evil comes in when someone doesn't understand how exchange works and thinks that they should get something for nothing and just takes it even if they haven't earned it. Some might think it would be nice if we could just have everything we wanted (although personally I don't think it would really make anyone happier) but that is not the way the world works and the sooner you Dh realizes that the better off he will be. Good luck.
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Old 04-30-2003, 10:00 PM
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Well said carrotpatch...
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Get a rise out of life!- Bake Bread!

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Old 04-30-2003, 11:10 PM
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Just a question ............. do your banks or whoever you get your mortgage from let you do payments weekly? Ours don't let on, but it can be done and we've found that weekly payments to the bank gets rid of the interest quicker even fortnightly payments. Also we are able to pay extra on top of minimum payments even if it is only an extra $10 or $20 a week.

Thanks Jeanie, it just seems to work for us no his or hers, it's just always been ours.

I am a part time worker in our own business, we have 3 full time employees.
We don't have a cheque account but we have 1 credit card each, to the same account, which when the bill arrives it's paid in full before any interest is incurred.
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Old 05-01-2003, 06:34 AM
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Great advice all!!

Thanks to everyone for your great advice. Ironic as it may seem my dh came home and brought up the topic without me even having to start it!!! He must have ESP. Here is the latest.

Apparently him and one of his best friends were talking (because he is about to get engaged) and this topic came up and apparently the friend is more rational than the dh. I am not sure what all was said but he did agree that something had to change and that we need to do whatever it took to take care of our own bills.

He said he promises he will do "the right thing" by not splurging on things "unauthorized" but that he agrees we should not have sparate accounts. I think he has learned from his past mistakes that got us where we were in debt and I know he doesn't want to go back there so maybe it will work this time. I agreed I wanted to keep our joint account but didn't want to have to work 3 jobs to pay bills because he had spent all the money. He agreed that was not fair and that he had taken advantage of the situation many times in the past.

We decided to talk to our advisor and get control of OUR" money and life. We are going to set up most of our recurring bills on auto pay from the bank and then have our Quicken program automatically deduct them on paydays so it is like it was never there to my dh. It should be an easy trasition as we have the bills we did this time a year ago since paying off all of the credit cards. (We don't have those anymore but we got a credit/debit card for our savings account to buy extra items on but if the money is not there it can not be bought) We also ahve debit cards but he agreed to "keep" his receipt this time and to let me know before he takes out more than $20 so i can make sure it is there.

So that I am not the "warden" we will balance the checkbook together on Quicken so he can see what we spend....he has no idea. he always wondered where our money went...mmm I wonder.

Anyway for the time being it seems we have found a happy medium...as long as he sticks by his promise.

I will update soon.
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Old 05-01-2003, 09:13 AM
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I know CountryWide mortgage company offers weekly payments......
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Get a rise out of life!- Bake Bread!

"A hundred years from now, it will not matter the sort of house I lived in, what my bank account was, or the car I drove....but the world may be different because I was important in the life of the animals and the creatures on this earth."
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Old 05-02-2003, 01:30 AM
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Tx Chf, that's great news! Life will always have it's ups and downs. It's the willingness to face the problems and work them out that get's you through. Sounds like you have something special there. Best of luck!
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Old 05-02-2003, 05:29 AM
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Marriage is suppose to be a joint adventure

Quote:
Originally posted by mzkat
Husband and I have been married going on 35 years. We were a single income family until 6 years ago when I went to work in the "real" world. All monies are in joint accounts. He's no good at bill paying so I'm the bill payer. We each have 2 credit cards and can purchase anything we want but if it's over $20, it's discussed. I've made sure that I never pay for anything needlessly.....credit card membership, interest on purchases, late fees, etc. I'm not sure how folks can have separate accounts and bills. Marriage is suppose to be a joint adventure :-)
About the "Marriage is suppose to be a joint adventure". I used to think this way.

My originality is Asia. All finances were handled by my hubby at that time. At that time, I know nothing about good credit. He bought a car on my name and a small house. All this are gone. Leaving me with bad credit. At that time, I did not know how to drive and did not have a job. Problem came between my hubby, mil and me. I packed and left with my boys. I had no money but a debit card. I took some money out and left him the rest. The money were not enough so I tried to withdraw to buy diapers. He had cancelled my card.

This is why I do not believe on a joint account. For safety purposes on your side, you should have your own savings account on just your name. Regarding paying bills, we have a joint account to pay the bills and I am in charge for it. He knows he cannot write a check without asking me first. But, once in a while he will used his debit card without asking me first and he knows he will never hear the end of me. I also warned him, I will not go to prison for him. If he bounced a check I do not care as long as it is not me. I have a job and have my own car, I will do whatever I want to do with my money. And, that is making sure the bills are paid on time-which were barely making it.
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Old 05-02-2003, 05:38 AM
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The thing that amazes me in our household is that dh was in charge of bills as it was the assumed position when we married almost 11yrs ago. When we had ds and I decided to stay home I took over all the bills well here is the amazing part. We are doing better financialy with one income, and a little extra money from babysitting (not stable) then we did when I worked full time with overtime and all that! I wish we had done this years ago. I suppose a big part of doing better is we changed a lot of habits (eating out, going to a weekly movie,etc ect) but I also think my dh was afraid to tell me that we didnt have extra money, he never was to good with bills as his dad said he wanted a champane life on a beer budget lol. He would pay bills on what was leftover after our fun not a good habit. He always tells our friends and family now how impressed he is with my budgeting. I will never give the bills back to him EVER.

Leighann
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Old 05-02-2003, 06:45 AM
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Marriage should be a partnership, but you have to get to know each others weaknesses. My husband & I are both tightwads now. We each had our lessons learned & mistakes made before we found each other. Since my ds was born 4 years ago, I "allow" my dh to do most of the bills because motherhood has caused me to be distracted. Just a bit. We discuss things before we spend money also. We have his pay on auto deposit & allocate some expenses to different accounts so the money is there when the bill is due (house & car ins, & property tax, etc.) Anyway, I'm glad your dh is learning to do better. Sometimes I think parents do more harm than good by spoiling their kids & not letting them learn & do with out. I have seen that in my husband's parents & sibilings. They are well over 20 & my fil has bailed out unpaid bills, taken over car payments, or just fixed large (expensive) broken things, because the "kids" couldn't do it on their own. They still spend more on un necessary things than we do. And all our bills are paid. Oh, well. As you get your spending under control you have to look at the stress free aspect as your reward. Where as they spending used to be the "reward" You may not have the latest & greatest THINGS, but you will have more peace. I'm rambling so I'll quit now.
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