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barbszy 01-11-2005 12:04 PM

Daddy won't be home for child's birthday
My DH will be away on a trip that cannot be rescheduled, and will miss our youngest child's 3rd birthday.
Of course we will celebrate when Daddy is home to join in--and at this age a child has no concept of the calendar anyway.
Would it be better if we just act like a different day is his birthday, and treat him like the Birthday Kid on that day, and just not mention on his actual day that it is his birthday? I think it might be confusing to him if he keeps getting told that we're celebrating a birthday on several different days.
DH's trip is only 8 days long so it's not like it will be far from the actual date. And the other kids are big enough that they could probably handle "pretending" to change the calendar.

Abear 01-11-2005 12:48 PM


Originally posted by barbszy
Would it be better if we just act like a different day is his birthday, and treat him like the Birthday Kid on that day, and just not mention on his actual day that it is his birthday?
Since Luke is so young, that is what I would do. Otherwise, he might expect two birthdays next year!

Just make sure anyone who might wish him Happy Birthday knows what you plan to do so they don't rat you out!!! LOL

Amanda 01-21-2005 06:34 AM

Well usually, when we plan our kids' birthday parties that they invite friends to, the party is generally scheduled on the weekend. Your birthday does not always fall on the weekend. This is really no different.

Just plan the party for when Dad is home, and do something small the actual day. :)

Sammi1961 01-23-2005 04:45 PM

My husband has had to miss a couple of our children's birthdays. What we usually do then or if the children's birthday falls on a weekday is have their party on the closest weekend Saturday ( you could do it the weekend before your husband leaves or after he returns) where they get to invite their friends and do an activity. On their actual birthday, we let them choose what ever they want for me to make for dinner and then have the cake and ice cream and get the presents from my dh and myself. They get the presents from their friends on the party day so both days end up being fun. If you wanted, you could do two cakes, one for each day so that the party guests get cake etc.

kellyandkids 01-23-2005 07:16 PM

Do you remember your 3rd birthday party? We don't even do parties each year. A friend makes her kids rotate years. My 6 yr old didn't get to go trick or treating this year - long story - but he thinks he did.

Waiting for dad will certainly not be the crisis of your child's life.

I have to do a party for each side of the family due to conflicts. So gifts straggle in depending on it all. Actaully to other side lumped them by month, then we quartered them, now they are forgotten as everyone is grown but mine.

If Dad makes a special phone call, your child will remember that for life!

momofjems 01-24-2005 05:13 AM

Barbsy, I like the idea of 2 days. Luke won't remember next year that he had two parties, and even if he does, you can explain to him it was because Daddy was gone on his day.
If you want to make Luke's real b-day special, and he can't talk to Daddy that day, how about if Daddy makes a video or cassette recording before hand, wishing him happy birthday, singing Happy Birthday and maybe reading a story to him. This will be a treasure for years to come.

barbszy 01-24-2005 05:31 AM

I am not planning any party. After a few things that happened at the last birthday party for the kids that we had, I threw in the towel on that one.

Basically I was concerned with our own immediate family's celebration of the day. I thought Luke would be sad if Daddy wasn't there to have birthday cake with him. That's why I was considering "relocating" the birthday to a day when Daddy would be home.

justmeTammy 01-24-2005 08:15 AM

Sophia, My hubby is a truck driver and is hardly ever home on the kids actual birthday. You're right, the lil' guy will probably be sad that daddy's not there. I'd just do his birthday "party" early, maybe the last night that Daddy will be home. Then, on his real birthday you can do cupcakes or something like that if you want to. We always have cake and presents with daddy, but have something little on the actual birthday- my youngest turned 3 in August. She didn't understand either, she just sang "happy Birthday" to herself for a week! LOL It's not like we had 2 parties, but we did have lots of smiles on both days! :daisy:

momofjems 01-24-2005 06:46 PM

Barbsy, whatever you decide to do, Luke will have fun. It will be sad for him not to have Daddy there, but celebrating his big day 2 or 3 times that week will be entertaining. At my church, we have a meeting for the kids called Primary. We have singing and sharing time for the 3 to 8 year olds while the 9 to 12 yo's are in their classes. Then after an hour, they switch. We have one adorable 3 year old that says it's his birthday every week when we sing the birthday song.
Hey, I know about not having parties. We just do family parties. Less stressful and less disasters.

Kimmer 01-24-2005 07:45 PM

Ever since my oldest dd was two she has been away with my mother and stepfather on vacation during her birthday she will be 10 next month so not having mom or dad there is no big deal to her anymore. Her birthday has always fallen on mid winter recess and since she is the oldest grandchild and the first girl in our family in 24 years she is spoiled by my parents. I always send a card with my mom and on her birthday no matter where they are at 12:52 am (the time she was born) she is called by me or calling me and opening her card. She has always been a night owl so being up at that time on her birthday is no big deal to her. I started writing a letter to her on her birthday since her first birthday. In the letter I give her the highlights of that year and how lucky I am to have her as a daughter, and why. Yes she gets special treats from her grandparents on her birthday but we celebrate her birthday (just family) on the night she comes home. Seeing how her birthday is 2 days before one of my brothers they get a cake together.

I would wait till Daddy was there to celebrate his birthday, maybe do a special lunch on the day of his birthday with just you and him

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