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Adolescence That fiery time prior to your child becoming a teenager. Their bodies are filled with hormones and turmoil. How are you coping?

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Old 08-20-2002, 02:48 PM
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Question Rep Hockey

We live in an area where hockey is a big sport. I have two children in hockey, older girl plays house, she started when she was 15 (last year) after ski racing for years. Son has always played hockey and does very well, plays goal and forward. He is 11 years old. Now is the year his league goes rep. He is not a star, he is a boy on the bubble and is decent at both positions. He could try out and make rep and sit on the bench the entire season. The coach is very serious, very serious, actually taking a goalie from another association he is sooo serious. The coach would like to take my son as a forward and use him in the net in a pinch. I really think he is taking my son as a forward so he does not get himself in trouble by not taking his own association's goalie if you follow what I mean. This does not impress me knowing that he is sooo professional that he has to go outside for a goalie, when the ones in our association are decent, but he is that serious. Anyways I would hate to see my son maybe not even make rep, or make rep and sit for games on end, as this coach is so serious about winning, (meanwhile I would have paid all sorts of travel expenses for these trips). I truly do not want my son to try out period. How do I explain this to him without breaking his heart?
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Old 08-25-2002, 04:28 PM
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Location: Canada
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This is a tough one. I think I would definitely let him try out and then see how it goes. If he doesn't make it then you console him and he can try something else or play house league.
If he does make the team, the coach must see something in him. If he sits on the bench, well, that's one season. The coach wouldn't select him unless he had some talent. Maybe he'll try really hard and improve too.
I think it's good for kids to try and let things be their decision. Some times these things come back to haunt you, when he remembers that he wasn't allowed to try out for something that he wanted to and possibly resents you. Just my opinion.
Sounds like you're trying to do what's best for him. I hope everything works out.
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Old 08-26-2002, 04:01 AM
EJaginLa's Avatar
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Location: Louisiana
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Don't do it to him!!!!


This was probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life. My oldest son lived soccer. He's played since he was 5 years old. The problem was, he was so small in size that they wouldn't let him play although he was the oldest on his team. He rode that bench for 7 solid years. I would get so mad and hurt because I felt like it was a favoritism thing. It always seemed that the doctors, judges and lawyers kids got to play every game although they rarely showed up for practice and certainly weren't giving it 100%. I watch my son go to practice in freezing temps, practice before school, and gave it 150% no matter what. And they still benched him. I'd ask my son, "Why do you continue to work so hard when the coach doesn't let you play?"

His reply to me was, "Mom, although the coach may not let me play I'm in it for the love of the sport and every now and again when he does let me on that field I want everyone to see just how good I am and THAT is why".

Two years later he was not only playing but was also the first pick for our cities first professional soccer team. The college here begs him to play and even the girls team gets him to help them out.

So you see, those 9 years that we sat in those bleachers freezing, wet, dying of heat stroke all the while watching our son ride the bench, it was the principle behind it. If he had enough self confidence to endure what he did then it was our job to have enough love for him to be out there and support him.
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Old 08-26-2002, 04:57 AM
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As much as mom wants to keep her child from hurt, life is going to happen to them. This is a lesson that you can use to help your son be a bigger person if he does ride the bench. Hockey has so many lines of play though, that even if he's not a strong starting line he'll play of a relief line. If he truly loves the sport he'll stick with it and love what he does get from it. He'll learn how to be a team player and that his role is great just the way it is. You don't have to be a starter to be important. All roles in life are necessary. The trick is showing him this if you need to do so. I'd let him try out. If he wants it and you don't let him, he's going to resent you for it and there will be other hurts instead. You can cringe silently in the stands, but show him your support and it will help him to do his best knowing you support him in his decisions unconditionally, regardless of any outcomes that may not be his ideal. I know it's hard to let them grow up. I'm forever trying to stop mine from growing! Good luck!
Wife to Gil,
Mom to Cullen, Eden, Kate and Jonas
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Old 08-26-2002, 07:13 AM
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chuckle Hockey


This is a tough question ! I as a hockey mom do know what your feeling.. My daughter has played for 6 years and my son also for 6. He's a goalie, but also plays out on occasion. It was very hard with my daughter, Kerri. She has played on all boys teams from the beginning becasue there were no girls teams for her to play on where we were. At first the coaches were always protecting her, and she would be furious. They would sit her out for longer periods of time if the played a tough team. She had to prove herself over and over again. Now in the Pee Wee to Midgets, this would also irritate me. I felt I paid the same as everyone else, and I did not like to see my money sitting on the bench! And I would let them know that. I'm not sure what rep is, but where I am we have House league, Travel teams, and the Selects. The first year she played house. Then when they saw she could play pretty decent they had me move her to Travel. She also wanted to make Selects, but one coach (who took it very seriously!) just wouldn't give in and let her play. First he said it was because it was to rough for her, then when she proved she could play, even with the big boys, he said she played on to many teams. Of course, when they needed players becasue they were short...........he always had a coach call and ask her to fill in. I always wanted her to say no, but she just wanted to play! She did end up playing with them for half a season. Hockey is her life, she loves it. There are always those coaches who take it WAY to SERIOUSLY, but I have found there isn't really much you can do, except complain and hope they listen. But at 11 year old level, which if I remember right is Pee Wee Level, there should not be any player sitting out! Regardless, not for what we pay for our kids to play!!!! Kerri , had this problem again at the High school level.. She tried out for and made our HS team. She was soooo happy. Of course there again, proving herself took time, not so much to her team mates, because she played with the midget team also and they were all the same kids. ( the HS was still a club team so they could play both) But the HS coach.......he was affraid she was gonna get hurt. I had to go to him and explain, she HAD been playing with the boys for 5 years, and he really didn't have to worry! He felt a bit better, but because they were a club team, they had to win everything to make varsity. So, she did sit out a bit on the HS team. But the Midget coaches new abput that and made up for it. They played her no matter what. Both those teams were undefeated that year, and the midgets won the State finals for the midget level, they then went to Canada, and won the Canadian Cup. She really enjoyed most of it. She does put up with a bit though when she is the only girl. I know my son won't have those problems, but he is a Bantam on the travel teams this year and there's 2 teams, 3 goalie's. They figure my son can handle playing for both teams! NOT, there are planty of teams that need goalies here. If he doesn't get a team in this town, the town about 30 minutes away is already asking for him. The other goalies.......the coaches sons! So I figure they will have the best chances for playing, even though it should not be that way. It sad that our childrens sports are coming to this type of stuff. No child should be sitting on a bench for any lenght of time. Sorry about being soooo long winded about this, but I don't feel your son should be sitting out. And if that coach is taking from another association, and leaving out players in his own association, then someone should speak up. That is not fair, and he should be ashamed of himself.........these are 10-12 year old, not the pro's. If he's that serious, he should be coaching HS or college. And if he thinks he is that great of a coach.....I know a few NHL teams that could use some better coaches! LOL Okay, I'm sorry again for the long reply! (by the way, Kerri plays for 4 different teams now, and one of them is a men's team, they love her!)

Fiancee of Dennis

Mom to:
Steven, 24
Kerri, 18
Chris, 13

Last edited by jeanniehockey2; 08-26-2002 at 07:21 AM.
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