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Adolescence That fiery time prior to your child becoming a teenager. Their bodies are filled with hormones and turmoil. How are you coping?

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Old 04-17-2009, 07:34 AM
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I hate you

well my 11 year old DD has taken to saying how much she hates me. I do know it is a stage they are going through, but all the same it really hurts...

It isn't as though we don't do things together because we do, we have 1-1 mum and daughter time each night when the boys go to bed and she chooses what we do and she really enjoys it.

It is happening more and more often and I really don't like it now... I could cope with it when it was once or twice but it is loads
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Old 04-17-2009, 07:54 AM
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It is a stage. Don't take it to hard. It is to make you feel guilty.

Best of luck. I am a mother of 4. Boys are 26 and 20. The girls are 17 and 16. My 17 yr old was driving me nuts this morning. Doesn't know why she can't have her own car. My dh has been layed off sense July 1st of last year. DD #1 doesn't have a job so why does she need a car.

They all try it.
Have a wonderful day.

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Old 04-17-2009, 09:05 AM
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I agree that it is a stage. What I did with my teens when they said that they hated me, when in reality was that they were just angry, was I told them that if they probably were just very angry with me. I suggested that they verbalize their anger instead of transferring it into hatred. For example, instead of saying, "I hate you," they could say, "Mom! I am SO angry with you!" I hope that helps.
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Old 04-17-2009, 09:12 AM
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I agree with what Debora said, and also, I said that a lot when I was frustrated so giving alternative words for the feelings helps, hate is usually not the first but the last thing a person feels

I try to make up for the hateful things I said to my mom when I was young, she just laughs (in a nice way) because she knows and now I know too that I have my own kids, that we will always love our kids no matter what they say or do

ps. stick to your principles for that is how she will learn to have some, if we don't waffle to their peer pressure then they won't waffle to the pressure their friends give them
Ellen in PA

"God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of love, power, and a sound mind."
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Old 04-18-2009, 02:23 AM
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Thanks all

It feels good to get some support off people who understand and that can keep you grounded when things get at you so thank you very much

I will try that what you say with her. We do try and sit and talk a lot, we do have that sort of relationship where she knows she can talk about anything. Grrrr kiddies lol
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Old 04-24-2009, 07:13 AM
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When one of mine said "I hate you" I replied, I love you anyway.
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Old 04-24-2009, 07:23 AM
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I would think that sometimes kids don't realize the hurt and pain of what they say causes.

Maybe the next time she say's that you could talk to her and ask her if it would make her feel good to hear someone say that to her. Most likely she hasn't thought about it in that way.

Kids seem to run on emotion and spur of the moment actions.

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Old 04-24-2009, 08:09 AM
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We've all been there and it is really hard to hear your child say those words to you. Hang in and love the little bugger anyway.
I have also responded to my children when they have said they hate ---I still love you, but I don't really like you a lot right now. I tell them no matter what I will always love them, but there are times when their behavior upsets me and I don't always like how they act.
Good Luck with your Dd. These will be some of the most trying years with her, but they do pass and things will get better.
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Old 04-24-2009, 03:48 PM
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Joy, my mom always said those things to me too. When I was angry and said, "I hate you" she would say, "I don't like you very much right now either".

With my children, they didn't say I hate you often but did occasionally. I would tell them they didn't have to love me but they did have to do as I said and that I loved them. It does hurt to hear your child say they hate you but as my mil always says, "Being a parent is not a popularity contest". I know my kids really love me, and they know I really love them. I try not to take to heart the things they say in anger because I remember saying the same thing to my mom.
“Before you speak, it is necessary for you to listen, for God speaks in the silence of the heart.”

[CENTER]~Mother Theresa
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Old 04-24-2009, 04:19 PM
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I have had that to deal with and like most of you I told them no matter what I loved them but did not always like them or their actions
I will take what I am served knowing someone out there is being served MUCH less
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