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Adolescence That fiery time prior to your child becoming a teenager. Their bodies are filled with hormones and turmoil. How are you coping?

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Old 06-03-2002, 06:45 PM
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She is driving me crazy!



Help please. My 10 yr old DD is driving me crazy. The hormones must be really going, at least that is what I am thinking.

She is moody, nasty, sarcastic, hhmm, sounds pretty bad. Sorry she is a good kid, does great in school, never missed a day of school since pre-k, but her attitude at home stinks. Anyone else dealing with the same thing?

Any help would be appreciated. The 4 yr DD is now learning to whine like her big sister and the old look she is learning it from you does not seem to work.

We sat down on Sunday to plan her 11th birthday, she could not get through it without crying!

HELP!

I try to talk to her about everything, school, friends, hobbies, boys but we always end up in an argument, usually after she stomps away. Sorry I just keep going on.

what have you done to get through these years as smoothly as possible?

Thanks
Patti
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Old 06-06-2002, 03:45 PM
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Oh Patti, I hear EXACTLY what you are saying! My daughter is now aproaching 12 and we started the hormonal oddessy at about 10. She too is a great kid, a good student and is well liked by her teachers and peers. At about the age of ten, I started wondering if they were doing a remake of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" and had cast my daughter in the role of one of those Pod-people! She seemed to change into a stranger overnight!

We had a long talk. I let her know that I understood that she felt out of control and that she often didn't know WHY she was feeling that way. I gave her feelings a name "puberty" ... and we discussed the "hormones" that were influencing her brain. She was allowed to use the hormones as an excuse for her "moods" but she was not allowed to use her moods as an excuse to be rude or disrespectful to me or her sister or dad. When she got out of control, I would calmly remind her she was being "Hormonal", ( this was not always easy for me to be calm) and she would usually reign it in, stalk off, and come back later to appologize.

Sometimes I'd follow her with a cup of cocoa, and we'd chat. Sometimes she'd ask to be left alone. But she was able to do it civilly by saying.."Mom, it's the hormones, Leave me alone please!"

Things got better over the summer she turned eleven. Ten was very tough. She really "felt her oats" that year. My advice would be to give her some space, set your bounderies and expectations clearly, and remind her you love her no matter what. She needs to know that although she may be changing, she will always be your baby.
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Old 06-06-2002, 07:08 PM
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I feel your pain, too! My daughter is 11. One morning this winter she was sitting on her bed crying for 20 minutes that she had nothing to wear! Even my husband realized it was hormones and gave her a big hug.

In the morning she gives me a sweet "Good Morning" and turns into Cruella de Vil by bedtime. I try to "blow off" a lot of it and not let it bother me. I think a sense of humor will be my salvation.


We recently bought her bras at K-Mart; she seemed to be proud to be in the group! Since socks never "feel right", I was expecting the same reaction with bras. They always keep us guessing.
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Old 06-06-2002, 08:29 PM
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i really feel for you. i too have a dd and she is 10 going on 30.

i have just spent a week at our Girl scout day camp and my goodness grashis all the girls were going thru some kind of harmone swing..... and the boys... i am not ready for the boy thing either.

i just hope i can grin and bare it.

tab
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Old 06-06-2002, 08:57 PM
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Wow!! You could all be talking about my DD who is 10. It is just amazing how she like totally changed overnight. She used to be this loving wonderful child and someone snatched her up and replaced her with this ( i don't know what to call her). But I don't like her very much. And she doesn't like me very much either it seems because she keeps telling me so. At school, she seems to be the perfect angel because teacher sends notes home telling me so....but at home it is like a whole different person...so I was really excited to see this thread and know that I am not alone and hopefully someone out there has the most wonderful advice...
Angie
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Old 06-06-2002, 10:51 PM
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shocking Oh, NO WAY!

You all have just described my 11 yr old dd..........She is fine in the morning, but at the drop of a hat, wants to kill me.
I've been thinking of counseling for her......it's gotten THAT BAD!
Nothing is OK with her......we can't say anything that doesn't send her off!...........geeze...when does this end?
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Old 06-07-2002, 06:49 AM
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They are all crazay!

It sure seems that way! I don't know when it will end, but hopefully we can both survive the hormone roller coaster. My mother told me we were the same way, but i sure don't remember going at it with her like Brianna and I go at it. Mother did say I didn't start that until about 12 though...
Angie
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Old 06-07-2002, 09:23 AM
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OH you all are describing my 9 year old dd. I was starting to feel like I was a bad mom!

I know our girls will outgrow these things, but it is nice to hear from other moms who are going through the same things.

Great thread.
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Old 06-07-2002, 09:23 AM
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I read a book called (I think) "No More Back Talk"...it could have been just "Back Talk". I got it at the library. It was excellent to deal with the behaviors you describe.
Also, I have a phrase I use with my kids if the behavior just started for the day, or I do not feel it requires discipline at that time. When one says something in a rude tone of voice or sighs at me, etc, I used to say, "I think you need to rewind and think about what you just said"...now I just have to give a look and say "rewind!" . I make them actually rewind and answer politely, or if they did not even realize the infraction (it becomes a habit, especially after a day at school) I will say "You need to thank me for being so thoughtful instead of sighing at me dismissively" then actually make them say it. Usually they end up felling a little guilty when they realize how it came out and they straighten right up.
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Old 06-07-2002, 09:48 AM
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this is my dd except she wakes up mad at the world then is better as the day progresses.She is mad at eht drop of a hat and very mouthy alot. Her teachers and gymnastics all say she is great but I guess they must keep her and send a look alike home. At times she can be surprisingly sweet though. This is a great thread and great replies. you all have great ideas that I will have to start using. I felt so alone and espicially when she acts up in front of other people. but I think you all have given me a great ideas. I love the "rewind" but think we will call it "play it again sam" and the hormone talk sounds like just what we need! thank you all
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