Visit FamilyCorner.com for tons of seasonal ideas!
quick link - go to our home page quick link - kid's crafts, family fun, printables, etc quick link - sign up for our free newsletter quick link - holiday crafts, recipes and ideas quick link - gardening, organizing, saving money, decorating and more quick link - our FunBook is filled with lots of quick ideas, tips and crafts quick link - join our bustling community of friendly members


Go Back   FamilyCorner.com Forums > Parenting > Ages & Stages > Adolescence

Adolescence That fiery time prior to your child becoming a teenager. Their bodies are filled with hormones and turmoil. How are you coping?

Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 04-21-2006, 04:52 AM
barbszy's Avatar
Nine Year Member
FamilyCorner Postaholic
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Southern NJ, near Philadelphia
Posts: 18,716
Preteen Girl & Conflict with Mom

My daughter is 10. She and I have very different personalities and it seems as if we are always butting heads about something. I'm afraid that if I don't figure out a way through this we will have a lot of conflict, defiance and trouble through her adolescent and teen years and maybe beyond.

I'd appreciate any advice!
__________________
Barb's blog and Barb's Fridge
The New Parents Guide
DealLocker where I am known as "Coupon Countess"
Reply With Quote
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 04-23-2006, 04:33 AM
ellenmelon's Avatar
Nine Year Member
FamilyCorner Postaholic
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 10,399
The Faber and Mazlish books/tapes got me through so much of that. What a lifesaver. Our local school district had it on the top shelf of the library, resources for the family section. I sure hope you can find it!
__________________
Ellen in PA

"God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of love, power, and a sound mind."
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 04-23-2006, 05:13 AM
DeBora4BobbyL's Avatar
Welcome Wagon Moderator
FamilyCorner Postaholic
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 16,009
Barb, usually the mothers and daughters who butt heads have similar personality traits. Anyway, Dr. Dobson calls this the mother/daughter syndrome. All I can say is that it will pass. Just remember that you need to maintain control or she could be lead astray. Make sure that she knows that you love her and that is why you are making sure that she obeys.

My DD and I butted heads in the worst way. It was a nightmare. We are now best friends and she is 23 years old. She'll be 24 in June.
__________________


Bobby Labonte Official Page Facebook
.


FC Welcome Wagon : Need help? New to FC? Just ask me!
Reply With Quote
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 04-23-2006, 05:14 AM
barbszy's Avatar
Nine Year Member
FamilyCorner Postaholic
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Southern NJ, near Philadelphia
Posts: 18,716
Thanks, Ellen! I went to my library's website and found HOW TO TALK SO TEENS WILL LISTEN by those authors. I immediately put it on reserve, so I should have it soon.

I believe I read another book by those authors when I was teaching, called "How to Teach so Kids Can Learn." It was very good. If I still have it (I lent some of my teaching books to my sister) I'll look at it while I wait for the other. I'm sure some information will be common to both.

I love my DD, but I can just feel that the way I deal with her is all wrong. I think I need different "tools" for this job. I don't want to spend the next 10 years fighting with her. It's not good for anyone.
__________________
Barb's blog and Barb's Fridge
The New Parents Guide
DealLocker where I am known as "Coupon Countess"
Reply With Quote
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 04-23-2006, 05:26 AM
ellenmelon's Avatar
Nine Year Member
FamilyCorner Postaholic
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 10,399
Yeah, I know what you mean. I have easy daughters in that it's a lot like Gilmore Girls, except here are some other things I've figured out.

1. The best of moms, kids, and parenting styles will still have conflict. Repeat this mantra over and over.
2. Teens like to get it over with and don't like to obsess. They just want to move on to the next thing.
3. Waffling on a decision drives my dd nuts.
4. Always have food around, keep an open door to their friends, even the ones you aren't sure of. Especially the ones you aren't sure of!
5. Get a gathering tool, ie: ping pong table, dog, video game. Mine is food.
6. Middle school kids do a lot of sleepovers.
7. Always confirm plans with the other parent, don't take the kids word for it (but I bet you know this one already!).
8. Individuation is a term psychologists use to define those things the kid does to separate their values from their parents. Individuation is a healthy thing. What the kids choose to do to demonstrate it is what parents worry about.
9. Worry is part of being the parent of a teen.
10. Keep in touch with your kids friends parents. The pipeline is good. The grapevine take with a grain of salt and always do your own investigating and concluding.
11. And wait ten seconds or more before giving an answer, like Mom can I? Avoid the knee jerk answer. In the interim you can say, Ummm, Smile, Ask further questions, etc.
12. Starting times for things are easy to determine. Ending times are tougher. Pin it down and be specific as to time and place. It gets harder as they get older. Cells are wonderful for this.
13. Make sure they keep their cells charged, ie: nightly.
14. Start wearing out your knees by praying constantly, I think you might already be doing this, I am resuming the habit. I hope I have a great set of camel's knees by the time youngest is 22!
15.
__________________
Ellen in PA

"God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of love, power, and a sound mind."
Reply With Quote
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 04-28-2006, 06:35 AM
cau's Avatar
cau cau is offline
Nine Year Member
FamilyCorner Postaholic
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Over the Rainbow
Posts: 10,829
Set your basic rules & stick to them, pick your battles. I used to ask myself if it would matter in 10 years & if it wouldn't I let it go. Clothes had to be clean & decent other than that they could choose what to wear. One went throught High School in jeans & tee or sweatshirts. Clothes just didn't mean that much to her ,another got dressed up every day & loved to shop. Try and remember some of th qualitaties that made them hard kids to raise will make them successful adults. Good Luck & learn to laught a lot.
__________________
A Great Attitude Becomes a Great Mood, Which becomes a Great Day , Which Becomes a Great Year, Which Becomes A Great LIFE


Reply With Quote
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 04-28-2006, 02:22 PM
Bilby's Avatar
Assistant Moderator
FamilyCorner Postaholic
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Australia
Posts: 24,073
The best piece of advice I was ever given by an older friend is "pick your battles" Is this worth making into an arguement or fight? Leave this smaller problem and tackle the bigger one. I'd have to say it's something I try to live by with the boys and occassionally I crack but 95% of the time it works.
Another is one on one, special child and me time, even if it's to go and have an ice cream and window shop (or their favourite thing) it doesn't have to cost in $$
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 04-28-2006, 04:11 PM
ellenmelon's Avatar
Nine Year Member
FamilyCorner Postaholic
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 10,399
I heard something interesting recently. A mom wanted her children to develop their own warning system radar. When they did not feel comfortable with a situation she did not second guess them but helped them achieve their solution. The children carried their gut levels with them into adulthood and the mom says it has helped them develop trustworthy and accurate judgement. I never had the guts to do this but I think a good measure of this would be wise. So if the battle is not one in which they would perish (wearing a coat versus not wearing a coat, etc) then let the child figure it out. And if there is any kind of eebie jeebies about someone or something, listen to the child.
__________________
Ellen in PA

"God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of love, power, and a sound mind."
Reply With Quote
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 04-29-2006, 11:21 AM
Lifestar's Avatar
Nine Year Member
FamilyCorner Junkie
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: I'm in a New York State of Mind
Posts: 1,823
Hi Barb..

Boy oh boy do I understand what you're saying...

My Julia ( now 11 1/2) and I used to butt heads all the time.. I'd insist on things being done my way, and she'd yell that I hated her and that I kept trying to change who she was... I yelled back that she had better watch her attitude or else... and then one evening, I realized that for the most part she was right!! I WAS trying to change who she was!! (But I never ever hated her! LOL)

I was having a hard time seperating her behavior from her personality!! It's not as easy as it sounds... She's sometimes a tough kid to get along with! I hear it from adults and kids alike.. She's stubborn and bossy, and sure that she knows a lot more than anyone else.. but she's also amazingly bright, sassy, self-assured and fiercely independent. She has a mouth on her and can be counted on to stand up for herself.. no matter who it is.. but she is always civil.. .

When I stopped to listen to what she was saying, I realized that she had a lot to say.. I had to take a deep breath, calm down and listen.

I found out that she's smarter, and more insightful and articulate than I ever was at her age. I found out she is compassionate, generous and empathetic. But asll that was behind her more overwhelming diva attitude.

I wanted her to be .. different... more like her older sister who was more like me! lolol... polite, "nice" a people-peaser, and well... easy to get aloing with. She isn't those things.. at least not on the surface. When this kid enters a room, it's like a tornado has hit. She is sooo intense, it's like she sucks up all the air. But if you let her be herself it's a joy to be part of that much energy and creativity.

I realized that I had to switch gears from directing to guiding.. She is a powerful personality.. and I have to respect that personality whike still raising a pre-teen person!

Like I said not as easy as it sounds...

That book.. It helped me alot. I practiced the phrasing infront of a mirror until it became second nature. So instead of Re-acting.. I could take a breath and follow the guidelines.


Sooo.... I don't know if our issues are really the same, but that's how I found peace in my house, and how I'm getting along with my pre-teen girl. She's great...
Reply With Quote
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 04-29-2006, 12:11 PM
Seven Year Member
FamilyCorner Newbie
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 13
i hate to say but i'm still going through that stage and mine is 14 we fuss about everything i finally listened to others and decided to pick my battles and true you don't win them all but chances are better that you will be listened to if you don't push to hard its a totally new age from when i was that age we have come to a little better understanding she does come to me on an occasion for advice and it's hard not to jump in with both feet but i listen bite my tongue lol and try to give the best that i have hope this helps
Reply With Quote
 
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Girl Coming In For a Landing Amanda Books for Young Adults 2 06-08-2016 02:14 PM
Girl Gourmet Cake Bakery ajrsmom Edible Products 1 07-22-2009 03:00 PM
Girl Gourmet Cupcake and Ice Cream Sandwich Maker Amanda Children's Products 7 08-20-2008 05:58 AM
Looking for Girl Guide pen pals Beckingham Scouting (Girls) 4 09-18-2007 05:29 AM
Its a Girl!!!! ajrsmom I'm Pregnant!! 6 06-03-2003 08:37 PM


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 08:41 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.1
Copyright 1997-2012, FamilyCorner.com Magazine, Inc. an Internet Brands company

POPULAR AREAS OF FAMILYCORNER.COM

Our Family FunBook is packed full of ideas from parents just like you!

Our members say that they have never found a friendlier message board community than ours!

Our kid's craft section is filled with easy ideas for creative little minds.

We have tons of free printable coloring pages to keep your little ones happy.

We offer a wide variety of free newsletters delivered right to your inbox.

Our Household Hints & Tips have a wealth of information on cleaning, organizing, and more!
Go to the funbook Go to forums Go to kid's crafts Go to printables Go to newsletters Go to Hints & Tips

Home || Newsletters || Advertising || Terms of Use || Privacy || Services || Submissions || Contact Us || Media Opportunities || Link To Us || Shop || Feedback || Staff || e-Cards || Reminder Service



FamilyCorner.com® is sponsored in part by...




Visit our friends --> MomsMenu | Main Street Mom | She Knows | Baby University | Personal Fitness Zone | iChef.com

Copyright Notice | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use/Disclaimer