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Adolescence That fiery time prior to your child becoming a teenager. Their bodies are filled with hormones and turmoil. How are you coping?

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Old 04-08-2005, 02:10 AM
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Child Lying

I need advice on how to deal with a child who lies. He is now 12 but has done this for years. He will lie instead of telling the truth for fear of getting in trouble. How do we deal with this? How do we get him to tell the truth instead of lying?

Ruth
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Old 04-08-2005, 08:45 AM
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Im interested on the answers to this too! I know a child the same way.

My son is almost 7 and he will SOMETIMES do this BUT we will tell him that he dont have to lie and its worse to lie and he will come clean..lol He used to not be this way and ALWAYS told the truth, we could always depend on him for answers to things as in what happened and things like that but now its kinda hard to know without a lil grilling first..lol


I think all Kids "LIE" its a stage they go thru but it can be so hard to deal with. Hang in there..and if ya ever need to vent, or just talk Im here to lend an ear
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Betty
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Old 04-08-2005, 09:47 AM
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RE: Lying

We had some problems with our daughter lying as well, for the same reasons. One of the things we did was to make sure she knew that she would get in far worse trouble for the thing if she lied than if she told the truth. We have made sure we follow through with it too. Her punishment is usually much more lenient if she is honest about the situation.

Another thing was to let her know how much we wanted to trust her - but when she lied, it made it very difficult. We also try to let her know she can talk to us about anything. We are very honest and open about most topics in our home and family - so that helps. She sees us cry and become angry, and be joyful and we explain why we feel how we do at these times, so she understands it's normal. We also make sure she sees us apologize to people when we've been wrong - and to her as well.

Another thing that has helped us is to thank her and love on her when she has told the truth - even if she's in trouble for something. Praising her for telling the truth and letting her know how proud we are even though we know it was difficult for her to do so - has helped a lot.

Good luck!
Karlanee
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Old 04-08-2005, 09:11 PM
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lying

We had a serious problem with my son lying. We tried everything. It got to the place where he was so good at it that most people believed he was telling the truth. We could not find help. Our doctor said it was just a phase he was going through. At school the conselor said if we got rid of his older brother he would be fine. (Just what kind of advice is that). We also went to other counselors who did not take the problem seriously. I believe he did it to get attention. Also he always felt he was not as good as others. I explained everyone has their own talents.
I hope you can get the help or counseling you need. Your problem is probably not as serious as ours was and you are on top of it. Good Luck, Barb
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Old 04-11-2005, 11:37 AM
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Here is a link that may help some.A good friend of mine was having the same problem with her now 14 yr old.They are now in counselling and its helping. Good Luck
Hugs Sandie

http://www.effectiveparenting.org/tips3.asp
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Old 05-09-2010, 10:28 PM
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Ruth, what kind of lies are you talking about? It it the "no I don't have any homework" lind of lies, or the "I'd never do that! Old Mrs. soandso is lying. Why don't you ever believe me?" kind of lies. You need to treat them differently...

But whatever the situation, you have to be sure the punnishment isn't so harsh that the fear of being punnished is overwhelming. I'd lie too if I were terrified of the consequences...
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Old 05-10-2010, 02:47 AM
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Almost ALL kids will "fib" (I hate the word lie) but use to tell my children, whom are all grown now, that if they fibbed to me, I will find out and their punishment will be worse than them telling me the truth. But if you think your kids "fib"...u ought to live with a 69 yr old husband that does this quite often...not to me but to family and friends...it bothers me terribly and why he "fabricates" things is totally amazing to me! We have only been married just over 6 yrs but if I have to "lie" about something....I just avoid the issue or simply say..."I'd rather not answer, so u take it for what it's worth" plain and simple....for I DETEST a "fibber" Just my point of view
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Old 05-10-2010, 03:05 AM
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This is an easy one to deal with. First, we all lie to get out of trouble. Make sure the child knows that the thing he did wrong might be punishable. But, in addition to that, he will have additional penalties if he lies. It would be easier to get the problem over with rather than have additional problems.

Also, some children lie to get attention. If you give him any amount of attention, even negative attention such as yelling, chastising, and so on, he will continue the behavior just to get that attention. No attention, (ignoring) is punishment. Many people do not understand this. They think ignoring means they are accepting the bad behavior. Actually, ignoring means that you are not reinforcing the lying.

Good luck!
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