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Old 07-17-2009, 06:24 PM
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DeBora4BobbyL DeBora4BobbyL is offline
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First, the children have been told why they have to stay with me and their options. They understand, at least the oldest does, that mommy and daddy take medications that make them sleepy and act funny, they don't have a home, and so on. When they become angry with me because I will not allow them to run and scream in the grocery store, and other unacceptable behaviors, they tell me they hate it at my home. I explain to them that I am not their only option. There is also foster care. DGD told me that she does not want to go into foster care and she realizes that she is just angry. I told her that I understand her situation and that we are all having to make sacrifices for now. I told her that if I had a magic wand everything would be different and they would be living with their parents.

I have talked to an attorney and I have been given the state law. If the children are in my care and custody for 6 continuous months I can go to court, for about $3,00 to $4,000 and I WILL get custody, whether or not the parents want me to have it or not. They would also have to pay me child support. I have not told my daughter this information. I have told her that I am offering to take temporary custody of her children so that we can get CPS off her back and I can put the children on my medical insurance. It would only require them coming to the courthouse and signing papers in front of a judge. She does NOT want to do that. My DD understands that if she has not complied with everything CPS has required by a certain time, the state will get custody and they will add to the requirements to get their children back. Currently, they have to provide a place to live, she has to get a job, SIL has to get a better or additional job (he has since been fired for stealing and cannot get a job anywhere), they are to get a means of transportation for the children, and a way to treat the children medically. I explained that once the state gets custody, they will probably add X number of parenting classes, enter drug rehab, and so on. That has been my understanding from peers who are CPS investigators in the town in which I live. I told her that if they do not comply within the time period, the state usually goes to court and has their parental rights removed. At that point, it will not matter whether or not the parents ever get their lives together, they will never be able to get their children back while they are minors.

Currently, the investigator is not seeking state custody so that when I graduate, I can seek custody and move to a nearby state and be with my husband. However, sometime between now and August 10th, another branch of CPS will be getting involved and there is no guarantee that they won't seek custody since DD and SIL have done nothing requested of them and things have gotten worse for them.

I found a book at the library today for the children about fostor parents. I figure reading it to them might help them understand better. As I think about all this, I think keeping the lines of communication open and talking freely about the situation will allow the children to naturally discuss and discover their situation.

Thanks all for listening. I think the suffering of children and animals are so difficult for me.

Btw, DGS had a doctor's appointment today and for the first time, he had a better than perfect health report!!! His asthma is now under control. The flow meter for lung capacity was a 147 on the measure scale and a normal child his size is 120! He has never gotten a good report on his lungs before. The doctor also said that he is now gaining a good, healthy bit if weight. She noticed that he is talking well and asked how that was going. I told her truthfully, that we got him turned on and now we can't turn him off! LOL He goes back to get tested again for speech therapy on August 3rd so he can start back on that.

All this gives me conflicting emotions. One part of me is happy that the kids are healthier. DH told me I am not irritable all the time. I was so worried before about getting that phone call that the youngest was dead from an asthma attack. He has an appointment at the end of the month with the dentist. I won't be surprised if he decides to have the dental surgery sooner rather than later. Otherwise, his surgery is scheduled for October 9th. I only hope DD gets Medicaid started for him by that time.

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