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Old 09-16-2005, 01:37 PM
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snowmoonelk snowmoonelk is offline
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Location: wales, uk
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Originally Posted by Txchef_fran
The main thing is you need to have a heart to heart talk with hubby and you both need to get on the same page with "house rules". Rules should still be enforced even though they do not live there full time. My husband and I went through this as well with his (now 9 yr old) We married when he was 3 and he fought me from the beginning. Now that we have a daughter together he finally sees why the rules need to apply. Not fair for one to get away with murder and the one who lives there has rules.

In the beginning he would leave the son with me to go out with friends on his wekeends and then he would defy my rules and my husband would undermind me and tell him ok. Then finally I said you know what if you are not going to back me with rules then you need to stay home with him and not leave him with me. He then became his sole responsibility and now he understand. You HAVE to be on the same page. The SS was did not respect me as a parant authority so he didn't care. Things are different now.

Toys get picked up or they get trashed. He knows any toys left out when he goes home gets trashed. He also had a bad habit of wasting sodas or drinks. He would open a capri sun or soda and take two sips then leave out to get trashed later. I hate wasting anything so this was a HUGE issue with me. Now if I find a soda or drink left out wasted the next weekend he comes he has to drink water or milk only (which I personally think should be the norm). It has worked. Also leaving remotes out for video game. If he doesn't pick them up when he is not playing the next weekend there is no gaming. DVD's not put away, no movies, etc.

You have to treat them just like you would children you would have everyday. They have to learn rules, respect, etc. Dr. Phil has a great chapter in his Family First book for step parents. Check it out at the library.
I think you are being a little hard - kids have to adjust to step-parents and the rule that if toys get left out they are trashed would mean that my kids have no toys ( and I am not a step-mom)! Drinks left un-drunk is another thing - my 11 year old has a real problem drinking stuff - he is not out to waste sodas or juice he would do the same with a glass of water - do not be so harsh! PLEASE, love and try to undertand your step kids - my children have a step-mom and she is really hard on them - I am talking MEAN and I do understand what it must be like for her but she is just a mean type of person anyway (believe me, it is a long story). Try not to take it so personally, my 3 kids have been brought up to respect their mom and dad and (now) step-mom but they are kids and they can, eventually VOTE WITH THEIR FEET! Remember that and nurture them. It is painful to be a step-kid, I KNOW I was one, and my step-mom and my dad are now estranged from me...very sad.
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