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Old 09-13-2005, 06:46 AM
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Txchef_fran Txchef_fran is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: DFW, Texas
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rules

The main thing is you need to have a heart to heart talk with hubby and you both need to get on the same page with "house rules". Rules should still be enforced even though they do not live there full time. My husband and I went through this as well with his (now 9 yr old) We married when he was 3 and he fought me from the beginning. Now that we have a daughter together he finally sees why the rules need to apply. Not fair for one to get away with murder and the one who lives there has rules.

In the beginning he would leave the son with me to go out with friends on his wekeends and then he would defy my rules and my husband would undermind me and tell him ok. Then finally I said you know what if you are not going to back me with rules then you need to stay home with him and not leave him with me. He then became his sole responsibility and now he understand. You HAVE to be on the same page. The SS was did not respect me as a parant authority so he didn't care. Things are different now.

Toys get picked up or they get trashed. He knows any toys left out when he goes home gets trashed. He also had a bad habit of wasting sodas or drinks. He would open a capri sun or soda and take two sips then leave out to get trashed later. I hate wasting anything so this was a HUGE issue with me. Now if I find a soda or drink left out wasted the next weekend he comes he has to drink water or milk only (which I personally think should be the norm). It has worked. Also leaving remotes out for video game. If he doesn't pick them up when he is not playing the next weekend there is no gaming. DVD's not put away, no movies, etc.

You have to treat them just like you would children you would have everyday. They have to learn rules, respect, etc. Dr. Phil has a great chapter in his Family First book for step parents. Check it out at the library.
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TX Chef Fran
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