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Old 08-20-2004, 01:06 PM
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cherilight cherilight is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 15
Boy have I been there. I adopted my daughter when she was an infant. The birth mother was a relative. She knew she was adopted but didn't know who the birth mother was. I spent 12 years worrying that someone would spill the beans about who the birth mother was. It ended up being a huge mess because the birth mother told my daughter who she was when she was 11 because she wanted her back.

Even though my situation is a bit different there are still some parallels here; if you don't tell your child the circumstances of his/her birth and someone else does, they will feel betrayed and lied to and that is a complete breach of trust to them.

Tell them they were chosen. Be careful the wording in whatever you say. Say "put up for adoption" instead of "give up". Small distinction but the nuances end up saying volumes to the child. I told my daughter that her being put up for adoption had nothing to do with her; it wasn't as if they had had another child they would have said, "Oh, we'll keep this one". She had a lot of issues feeling unwanted and a lot of it was how she found out about her birth mother.
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