I just wanted a LITTLE break. Not that 'me time' that is so fashionable these days, just a bathroom break. Can't a grown woman go to the bathroom alone and have 15 minutes of peace and not have a nervous breakdown?

Mistake number one: I went to the bathroom and did not take my three-year old with me. I didn't want to play twenty questions about Mommy's bodily functions and, quite frankly, I get stage fright.

So I tiptoed down the hall to my room to use my bathroom. (I never use the main bathroom. That's the one the kids use and, unless we have company, it's in no state for the feint of heart. Truly gross things happen in there and I try not to guess how. I just don a suit like those people from the Center for Disease Control wear and hose it down with bleach once a week.)

Success! I'd made a clean get away without my son noticing. He'd finally landed (literally) on a pile of toys and seemed to be settled for the moment. It's a rarity with him and, mistake number two, I was foolish to think it would last. He has the attention span of a gerbil on speed.

The first thing I heard was the sound of heavy furniture moving. In no position to hurry, I bellowed through the walls that separated me from my child. "What are you doing out there?"

About the Author:
Lisa Barker of Greenfield, California is a syndicated humor columnist and mom of five. Her latest book is "Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane ... Doesn't Mean You Are A Bad Parent!" See www.JellyMom.com for more information.

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