Q: "I have a 3 year daughter that whines all the time. Any suggestions would be appreciated. I try to stay positive but this really trys my patience."

~ Desperate

Answers from our members:

Kathy Wiggins wrote:
I do to my daughter what my mother did to me and she learned very quickly. I explain to her what whining is, how it sounds, then I tell them that I will not respond to them if they cannot talk to me in their normal voice. And then I follow through. The follow through is the most important thing in teaching a child anything. Now, she is the first to tell her little brother not to whine and no one likes a whiner.

Tara wrote:
My now 5 year old daughter was a whiner. I did not want to ignore or make her feel as though I was punishing her, so whenever she started to whine I simply said "what did you say? I can't understand Whiney language you will have to talk to me the right way for me to understand you. It worked.

Danelle Carney wrote:
I tell my 4 yr. old that she can go to her room until she is done whining. I tell her that she is a pretty girl and when she whines it doesn't make her look very nice. She goes to her room until she is done. Usually for about 5 minutes then she comes down and realizes that she wont get her way and stops.

Bev wrote:
When my kids were little and whined I would say to them I can't understand that voice, you have to say what you want in a voice I can understand, and then be firm in refusing to answer them if they whined.

Nora wrote:
When my daughter was little I wasn't aware of her whining I just became somewhat immune. A very good friend of mine started bringing it to my attention & she'd ask my daughter to 'change her voice' I then became more aware & started saying it to her explaining too that I just couldn't hear that 'other voice'. It didn't make the whining go away but it made life much easier (& at our friends' houses too) & we were able to tease each other about it as years went by. She's now ready to say the same thing to her son when he gets to an age to start in.

Angelika wrote:
I am a mother of 4 daughters (14 down to 7) and I agree with what has been said before. The new comment I'd like to make is that whining may also be a sign that mom hasn't taken enough eye to eye time that day. I learned that when my children were acting up, maybe I hadn't really talked to them that day. Examine your schedule to see if this is the case. Hang in there.

Ilyse wrote:
When my kids whine, I ignore them. I've told them that if they want to talk with a grown up, then they have to act like one (thank goodness they don't know my friends who whine too!!)...I also try to remember to point out when they ask for something without whining, or do something without my having to remind them.

Teri wrote:
What I do with my 4 yr. old and 2 yr. old is tell them that I can't hear them when they talk to me like that. At first they would just raise their voice and keep the whine - I would say again "I can't here you very good when you talk with that whine, use your normal voice" It almost always works. Good luck

Georgia wrote:
Whining has allowed my daughter to spend many quiet times in her room. I could not stand it when she whined so the whining went to her room. If she didn't whine she got to do things she liked and if she did none of her requests were heard. This also works with temper tantrums.

Peggy shepherd wrote:
Ruling out any sickness, it is obvious that the child is trying to get her own way. It must have worked at some point in her life or she wouldn't be doing it so often. Children learn early what works for them to have their way. Each time she whines I would take away a favorite play thing or close play friend for a month. Do not give in or you have lost forever the respect from your child. I tried this and it definitely works.

Brenda wrote:
Whining was always a bit of a pet peeve of mine. I would tell them (they are now 15, 12, 10 and 8) when they were younger, that I couldn't hear them if they said it in a whine. Sometimes just reminding them my ears couldn't hear whiny voices would make them stop and talk in a normal tone. I did try to spend a bit of extra time with a whiner, usually they are trying to get some type of need met.

Chris wrote:
Hmmmmmm I'm still working on that one myself, actually between my sweetie and I, we have 8 children. Ages 9 down to 2 yrs. old. (The youngest ones are 2 @ age 2, and 1 @ 3.) Sure make it trying at times. Some things that have worked for us at different times. Time outs~(Corner, or designated area-Chair,bedroom...etc) Ignoring the whining if it isn't something that is hurting the child, or someone else.(When you do this, they give up, and will work on to something else).

Denise wrote:
UGH! I feel your pain! LOL I can totally relate, my daughter is 5 and whines all the time. It is so irritating. Help us!