Question: My child's bedroom
looks like it's been put through a blender! I can't see the carpet, and to
walk through the room I have to dodge clothes, toys, and last week's snack
wrappers. My child doesn't care, but I do. When I yell and threaten we sometimes end up with one day of cleanliness, but in no time at all, the disaster magically
reappears. What can I do?
Think about it: Every time you walk by the bedroom, the mess annoys
you. You grumble and mumble until finally you reach the boiling point, and
explode in anger. When you finally put your foot down, you discover that
you and your child have vastly different definitions of "clean." While you
envision an immaculate and orderly room, your child may be perfectly happy
as long as she can find her way to the bed without a road map. You obviously
have conflicting goals. Try to find a long-term solution that works for both
of you.
Organize: When the bedroom has reached the point of a national disaster,
the mess is overwhelming for your child. At this point, you may have to grit
your teeth and help with the initial cleanup. Use plenty of boxes, baskets,
or tubs to sort your child's clothes and belongings. Label each container
clearly (socks, books, school work, etc.). What happens next is most important.
Initiate a daily cleanup time to prevent the buildup of another mess. Inspect
every day after cleanup time. At that point use "Grandma's Rule": "As soon
as your room is clean you may go out to play." This rule is also known as
the "When/Then" approach, "When you have cleaned your bedroom, then you may
turn on the computer."
Contract: Sit down with your child and develop a bedroom-cleaning
contract. Work together to define what constitutes a "clean room" in very
specific terms: clothes in dresser and closet (either hanging or folded),
books in bookcase, stuffed animals on top bunk, etc. You might even consider
allowing a "messy corner" where she can toss things temporarily. Just make
sure the corner is clearly sectioned off, such as a section of the closet.
Once you've agreed on the terms for a "clean room," choose a specific day
of the week for cleaning. One schedule that works well for many families
is to require a clean room Saturday prior to any activities or play time.
Include a specific plan for what will happen if the room is not clean by
the scheduled time. Write up the contract and have everyone sign the agreement.
Post it and follow though.
Get serious: If you've reached the end of your rope, and you're really
brave, pick a time when your child is away from home to do a more-than-thorough
cleaning. Using baskets and shelves, neatly arrange the necessities and most
favorite toys. Pack 90% of the stuff that litters the floor into small boxes.
Store the boxes in the garage or attic. Display your child's beautifully
clean room and let her know she can earn back one box at a time at the end
of each week that the room is kept clean. You can expect an outburst of
hysterics, but stick to your guns. (If a school supply or a favorite toy
is boxed by mistake, it would be okay to rescue it.)
Beautify: Invest a weekend to clean and rearrange the bedroom. If
possible, hang new curtains or cover the bed with a new bedspread. Pull a
dresser out of the attic, or search a second-hand store for a new piece of
furniture for her room. Let your child paint it however she'd like, to add
her own personal
beauty.
Allow her to customize the walls with pictures or posters. Often, a fresh,
new outlook like this will encourage a child to keep her "new" room neat
and clean.
Transfer responsibility: If your child is age ten or older, and a
basically responsible kid, it's okay to turn her bedroom over to her as practice
for her first apartment experience. (Take a security deposit, if you feel
you must.) Outline the basic rules, such as: how often the bed linens must
be changed, how often the floor must be vacuumed, and what type of food is
allowed in the room. Once the basic rules are agreed to, give your child
the responsibility to care for her room, her way. You can pile any of her
laundry or stray belongings by her door each day. Let her know that as long
as the basic rules are followed, she'll be in charge of her own room. (And
if you can't stand looking at the clutter, shut the door.)
About the Author:
Elizabeth Pantley is author of
Perfect
Parenting &
Kid
Cooperation, and president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular
speaker on family issues. Elizabeth's newsletter, Parent Tips is seen in
schools nationwide.
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