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Extra Curricular Overload
by Amanda Formaro
School is about to open and with it
comes the barrage of extra curricular activities. Talent shows. Science projects.
Homework. Dance class. Basketball practice. Violin recitals. Book reports.
When is enough too much?
A friend of mine once told me of her 15 year old daughter who had insisted
on participating in almost every extra cirricular activity that came down
the pipe. "She has become snippy with her siblings and looks tired. I think
she knows that she took a large bite this time. She seems irritated that
her free TV watching time has been replaced by schoolwork." What's a parent
to do? Is there a tactful way of dealing with this issue without squashing
your child's interests or enthusiasm?
Here are a few tips that may help your child ease into a comfort zone fit
for both of you.
What to Consider
Janet has chosen four activities that she would like to participate in after
school: basketball, dance, ceramics and drama club. In order to determine
whether or not this is doable without experiencing overload, first you must
figure out if:
1) she will have ample time for homework and special school projects
2) it will affect her family or religious obligations
3) they will interfere with her private time alone or with friends
How much time does it take Janet to get her homework done each night? Is
she the type of child that finishes her homework in studyhall and on the
bus ride home or does she dawdle for hours at night, just to rush and get
it done the following morning while eating her breakfast?
Does she have prior commitments through her church or other family obligations
that may prevent or deter an activity she has chosen? Will Janet have enough
time to watch television and relax or chat on the phone with her friends?
All of these questions should be addressed before deciding on which activities
to choose.
Putting it Down on Paper
Once you have assessed the amount of time needed for schoolwork and other
commitments, it's time to lay the activities out on the table.
Begin with which activities Janet finds most rewarding. Write the chosen
activities down on a piece of paper and ask her to number them by importance,
number one being most important and number four the least.
It's time to label each activity with approximate commitment times. For example,
if Janet chose dance as her most rewarding choice, you will need to label
the amount of time that this activity will require. Most activities provide
a schedule for the duration of the season. If you don't have one, ask the
instructor or coach.
Let's say that dance requires two practices per week after school at one
hour each and a recital every other Saturday for one hour. Don't forget commute
time! You've determined that for each one hour session you will need to arrive
15 minutes early for warm ups and it takes 15 minutes to get there and 15
minutes to get home. So you've rounded each one hour session up to two hours
of committed time.
2 hrs x 2 times per week = 4 hrs/week
plus two Saturdays per month at 2 hrs each
Do this simple exercise for each activity. Don't get too detailed, keep it
fairly simple and round up instead of down on your times. This will allow
for extra time if you need it, and we usually do!
What to Eliminate
You've determined the following from the above exercises:
Homework: Janet is an academic child and usually has the bulk of her
homework done before she gets home from school. Whatever isn't done is usually
finished before dinner is put on the table.
Family/religion: Janet has commitments at her place of worship once
per week for one hour. She also baby-sits her little brother every Friday
night for her parents.
Private time: Janet likes to spend time with her friends at least
two times per week after school just hanging out. Sometimes she likes to
roller blade or just watch television. She has decided that she would like
to slot a few hours twice per week just for herself.
Dance: This activity, as illustrated above, will need a commitment
of 4-6 hours per week, including commute time.
Basketball: This was Janet's second choice. Though this activity also
takes up a lot of time, it is seasonal and does not last all year.
Drama club: This is something that Janet truly enjoys, but she has
determined that her private time and her family time are more important to
her, so she has decided not to take it this year.
Ceramics: Though this was last on Janet's list of most rewarding
activities, she chose it over drama because it only requires one hour per
week after school.
Our children look to us for guidance. If we decide to be the 'bad guy" and
tell our children whether or not they may participate in an activity, we
create a negative atmosphere. By allowing our children to be part of the
decision making process, we have taught a lesson in responsibility that will
help carry them into a more productive adulthood. By allowing Janet to be
part of the final decision, rather than being the "bad guy" yourself, you
have created a win/win situation for both you and your child.
What's Related
Ending Sibling Fights
Managing Morning Madness
Kids Home Alone: When and How?
About the Author
Amanda Formaro is the entrepreneurial mother of four children. She is also the owner of FamilyCorner.com
Magazine at http://familycorner.com
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