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The 7 Biggest Discipline Mistakes
You May Be Surprised at What You're Doing Wrong
by Dr. Michele Borba
So you're trying to make your child quit bullying, lying, cheating, defying you or talking back, and you're having little success. You've tried threatening, scolding and even begging, but nothing seems to work. Frankly, you're at your wit's end. How can you ensure that your child stops his bad behavior for good? The first thing you must do is re-think your approach to discipline.
Behavior is learned, so it can be unlearned. Parents need a specific makeover plan designed to half their kids' bad behavior. But before you can implement such a plan, you must first understand what you're doing wrong-and why it's wrong.
Common Discipline Mistakes:
1. Thinking "It's just a phase." Bad behaviors don't go away. They almost always need parental intervention. The longer parents wait, the more likely the behavior will become a habit. So don't call it a phase: stop the bad behavior as soon as it starts.
2. Being a poor behavior model. Our behavior has an enormous influence on our kids' behavior. After all, what they see is what they copy. So before parents start planning to change their kid's behavior, they need to take a serious look at their own.
3. Not targeting the bad behavior. It's best to work on improving only one-and never more than two-behaviors at a time. And the more specific the plan the better. Don't say, "He's not behaving." Instead, narrow the focus to target the specific behavior you want to eliminate: "He's talking back." And makeover will be more successful.
4. No plan to stop the bad behavior. Once parents have identified the bad behavior, they need a solid makeover plan to stop it. The plan must (a) address the kid's bad behavior, (b) state exactly how to correct it, (c) identify the new behavior to replace it, and (d) have a set consequence if the bad behavior continues.
5. Not teaching a substitute behavior. No behavior will change permanently unless the child is taught a new behavior to replace it. Think about it: if you tell a kid to stop doing one behavior, what will he do instead? Without a substitute behavior, chances are the child will revert to using the old misbehavior.
6. Going alone. Big mistake! After all if your kid is using the bad behavior on other caregivers-be it spouse, grandparents, teachers, day care providers, coaches, scout leaders, babysitters-then use the same makeover plan together. The more you work together, the quicker you'll be in stopping the problem behavior.
7. Not sticking to the plan long enough. Learning new behavior habits generally takes a minimum of twenty-one days of repetition. Parents need to commit to changing the bad behavior and then continue using the plan for at least three weeks. Only then will they see change.
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About the Author
Michele Borba, Ed.D. is the author of "No More Misbehavin': 38 Difficult Behaviors and How to Stop Them," now available in paperback from Jossey-Bass in books and on-line. She publishes FREE E-newsletters for parents and educators. To get your free subscription and for information on seminars and other publications contact her at MicheleBorba.com or MoralIntelligence.com.
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 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know : Getting Back to Basics and Raising Happy Kids
There's a crisis of confidence in mothering today. Moms are speeding through 18 hour days, exhausted in a frenzied effort to do it all for their kids. The soccer practices, test-prep lessons, special rehearsals, extra homework, the competition, unending struggle to insure that their child succeeds -- it's overwhelming, and actually toxic, often resulting in children who are stressed out, bullies or bullied, rebellious, ruthless, depressed, anxious, overweight or anorexic -- freaked out! So what's wrong with this picture? Michele Borba, herself a wise mom of three grown sons, has surveyed literally thousands of mothers across North America and in this book shows how to have happier, more confident kids with good character by relaxing, slowing down, throwing out all the unnecessary stress and pressure, and returning to a more natural, authentic kind of mothering. She has discovered and formulated 12 simple secrets of successful moms, showing us how a mother who laughs teaches joy, a mother who loves teaches worth, a mother who takes care of herself holds together her happy family, a mother who encourages independence cultivates self-reliance, a mother who just listens shows her children they really matter, and much more. Each chapter includes a powerful and inspiring story of how these secrets play out in real life, as well as Michele's exceptionally practical strategies, step-by-step guidelines, activities and advice so moms can actually apply the lessons of the stories to their own family lives. Reading the stories and learning the lessons will help all mothers calm down, be happier, return to their natural intuition, and create more joy, balance, and love in their families.
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