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Suddenly: Temper Tantrums
Question: Our 6 year old has
just started throwing temper tantrums. He has always been so well behaved
that it has thrown us for a loop. Any suggestions?
Answer: Yes, yes, you've probably heard this before, "Temper tantrums
are a normal childhood reaction to anger and frustration." Knowing this does
not make it easier when your child's ballistic contortions are punctuated
by his piercing screams. There are lots of ways to put an end this agony!
Your response to these tantrums will determine if he keeps having them and
having them and having them.
No Audience
Let your child know in advance that all tantrums will take place in one specific
room, such as his bedroom, the bathroom, or the laundry room. When a tantrum
starts, you can escort your child to the "tantrum room" with one brief comment,
"You can come out when you're done." If he comes out of the room, and he's
still having the tantrum, just lead him back repeating, "You can come out
when you're done." At first your child may spend the whole day in the tantrum
room, but he'll quickly find out that tantrums are no fun without an
audience!
Calming
If your child has tantrums and can't seem to calm himself down, it's best
to teach him how to control himself. Do this by enveloping him in a hug and
rocking him with soothing words, "It's okay. Calm down." When the tantrum
is winding down, distract him by washing his face or giving him a drink of
water. Do not give in to the child's original request, and stay calm yourself.
At a quiet time, begin to teach your child what to do when she gets angry
(what words and actions are appropriate).
Ride it Out
As long as your child's tantrum is not dangerous to him or to property, feel
free to say, "I'm leaving the room. Come and get me when you're done." And
do just that. Busy yourself with something else, and wait patiently for your
child to calm down.
Distraction
When you see your child beginning to lose control, distract him before the
tantrum can turn into a full-blown outburst.
Choices
Avoid tantrums by offering your child choices. Instead of saying, "Get ready
for bed right now," which may provoke a tantrum, offer a choice, "What would
you like to do first, put on your pajamas or brush your teeth?" In addition,
you may be able to elude tantrums by avoiding the situations that most likely
set your child off, such as allowing him to become overtired, overhungry
or overstimulated.
Note!
If your child has frequent intense tantrums it would be wise to talk with
your pediatrician, a counselor or a family therapist.
What's related
Angry
Emotions: Your Child's and Yours |
Arguing
and Back Talk |
Getting
Kids to Stay in Bed
Recommended reading
Kid Cooperation: How to Stop Yelling, Nagging and Pleading
and Get Kids to Cooperate
Excerpted with permission by New Harbinger
Publications, Inc. (http://www.newharbinger.com/) from Kid Cooperation, How
to Stop Yelling, Nagging and Pleading and Get Kids to Cooperate by Elizabeth
Pantley (http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth, copyright 1996)
About the Author
Elizabeth Pantley is author
of
Perfect
Parenting &
Kid
Cooperation, and president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular
speaker on family issues. Elizabeth’s newsletter, Parent Tips is seen in
schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest and has been
quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby,
Twins, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. You can visit her website
at
http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/
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