Not sure what else to do

[madmum]

I always thought that I had a really good relationship with my daughter (14). We often do things together :- Art, cooking/baking, shopping, watch dvd's, play games together on PC etc, Even at 14 she always gives me a kiss goodnight/bye and often sits on my knee for a hug (never embarrassed about doing either)

I was totally horrified when the school rang me and said that they was worried about her and the state of her mental health. She had written something on her school books about hurting herself and suicidal thoughts, I always thought she told me more a less anything, she is never affraid to speak to me about life/sex/etc

I went to school and found she had been self harming a little, so I brought her home and we had a really good talk. Found out there were a few bits at school that was sending her into a 'depression'

I took her to the Dr's and they said she would be ok and that they would contact the school nurse. So we left it at that and she went back to school next day. She seemed like she had picked up again and was laughing and joking and playing on the wii, and later went to her room to do some art work.

We put her to bed at 9.30pm that night and by 10.30pm we had the police banging on our door, they came in and told us that she had contacted child-line saying how bad she felt and that she was feeling suicidal again

We had to get her out of bed so the police could see that she was ok, anyway I ended up keeping her up till 3am talking. I was so scared, my mind was running away with me and I really didn't know how to handle it all. I told her she wasn't going to school next day and we sat and talked a lot again.

I took her phone off her and we made a distraction list on the wall and also a sheet of paper where she wrote how she felt every 30 mins,
I have given her her phone back but only certain hours.

I don't know if I am being unreasonable, I don't know what I should be thinking, not sure what else to do for her
Feeling so sad

[cat lover]

The first thing I would do is take her to the doctor and see what type of counseling they would suggest ASAP! Better than wishing you had if she takes a worse turn! Explain to her that you are scared and want to do whatever you can to assist her. Maybe she is being bullied at school or elsewhere, maybe her family has been threatened if she talks.... Please let us know how it goes and what you have found that might be the answer! She really sounds like she has issues and maybe she doesn't even know what they really are! She is crying out for some type of help and really sounds confused for whatever reason. Even though you and her have had such a good relationship there comes a time when even Mom just isn't the person a child may feel like they can open up to! Good luck!

[CHADSMOM]

madmum, I was thinking much like cat lover... It could very possibly be a school bully/bullies. Many kids at that age don't like to "rat out/tell" on a schoolmate that are or possibly could be giving them a hard time. But obviously she and you do have a close mother - daughter relationship. This also is a hard age as some young girls are looking at boys and begin having crushes, etc. It could even be a jealousy issue between she and one of her girlfriends...There are just some things that they are not always going to tell you, and yes this happens even though you are very close. I have 3 grown daughters, 28,30 and 37 and a son 17.Two of my daughters wouldn't always open up to me, but my youngest one would always, especially at the age of your daughter. She would single herself out from her friends and they were teasing her. She ended up sneaking out after we would go to bed to be with her closest friends to "hang out". We took her to therapy, and she also stayed at a home for troubled youth for one single school year - well 8 months of it. She will tell me today it was the best thing that we ever did for her! They had very strict rules there, no calls home for the first few weeks, all the residents had jobs/chores assigned to them, etc. I know that I felt down on myself as a parent for a little while but after I saw the changes in her and her attitude, I felt great about it. She went to a regular school while in this home/facility. Her grades shot up and she got back her pizzazz for enjoying school life once again. I hope that you can get it straightened out. Since you are a concerned parent and got on this as soon as you knew about it that everything will fall into place for you. Best of luck madmum!

[madmum]

Thank you very much both of you,

I took her back to the dr so she could let them know how she felt, The school nurse came to our home (while she was at school) to talk with me to see what family life was like etc.

She had another blip and she finally spilled the beans and there was 2 main points....1 was bullying and another was she felt a failure in class because the teacher wasn't controlling the classes she taught and my daughter didnt feel like she was learning anything.

We have spoken to the head of the year over all of these and they are putting a plan into action. She has started to pick up again and feeling more positive again
Even at her age we do charts and one of the chart tasks for her is to tallk 10-15mins with just me and her in a closed room, she is doing that good too

[cat lover]

So glad you were able to find some "points" to start to get to the bottom of it! Let us know if any of us can be any assistance again, and again so glad it is working out! Good Luck!

[bluebird]

Hugs! You are doing the right thing!

[jokir]

It sounds like you're on the right track MM. At best it's difficult to raise a teenager. This extra challenge must be very hard on all of you.

[CHADSMOM]

Great madmum, so happy to hear that things are getting better and you were able to get to the bottom of it, and get a beginning on fixing what the problem may be Best of luck to you and your family!