How do you deal with "back talk" from your kids?

**ajrsmom** · #1 (**permalink**) 03-20-2004, 10:30 AM

My son is starting to drive me crazy with his back talk to both me and my DH. We expected some of it when he started kindergarten this year but it is getting worse than ever.

Taking things away from him really isnt working. I swear that he has been off of his XBOX more than on it since he got it for Christmas.

He gets mouthy when he is asked to do something or doesnt get his own way.

He doesnt have a list of chores but he does have certain jobs that he has to do. Would some type of reward program work? We were thinking of making a chore list and then "rewarding" him at the end of the day with tokens that he could cash in at the end of the week for cash, movie or game rentals or whatever....... Im afraid though that this is delivering the wrong type of message to him.

Whe have been allowing him to get away with some things because we are under a lot of stress due to DH's job right now and we didnt want to take it out on him.

Im am so exhausted from fighting with him....especially at night when we are all tired. Sometimes I feel like Im failing as a parent but then there are times when he is such a good kid and he makes me so proud. ( Why does it seem like they shine in public and turn into deamons at home ....all within 15 minutes?)

I would really like to hear what works for other families.

Thanks
Tami

LJsmom · #2 (**permalink**) 03-20-2004, 05:34 PM

Terrible 2s-HAH, terrible 3's into 4s is whats going on!!!
dd#1 was nothing like #2. Whenever she backtalks, zoom the priviledges are gone. The one that is working the best now is removal of computer time, I just have to threaten it and she starts behaving.

The best thing I have found is to stick to your guns. If you threaten something you'd better be ready to follow through or else they know they can get away with what ever it is.

My one sil never follows through and boy can you tell, my neice is horribly rude and has no respect. We laugh behind her back and think it would be great to have the kid stay just 1 week at our house to see how the real world is. Imagine getting punished when you deserve it,hmmmm.

SherBear · #3 (**permalink**) 03-23-2004, 01:30 PM

back talk.... yes, I know that all too well!!!!!

with me it depends on how bad the talk is.... I remind them not to talk to me that way... and if it continues they go to the corner. We either send them to the corner or I sometimes send them up to their room ... ALL by themself... they really hate being up there all alone

My kids are almost 4 and 7... and somedays I just dont know what to do with them!!!! they definately listen to their Dad better than me and that drives me CRAZY!!!!

taking away things just doesnt seem to work in this house... and I havent found that a reward system works too well either.

Irish Angel · #4 (**permalink**) 03-24-2004, 04:48 AM

I wish I had a magic cure, but honestly I think it helps to know each of us are not the only parents who deal with this.
There are times where l just want to cry because the kids are so rude and smart alecky. Sometimes I feel like nothing more than a glorified babysitter.

My gang are 15 (male), 15 (female), 12 (female) and 10 (male)

I have gotten into shouting matches...smacked them in the mouth

( I apologized later) and complain and whine to my poor husband. He never seems to have this problem.

I am grateful to have such a wonderful man who supports me but I still deal with this garbage almost daily so I can SO relate to you.

I have really begun to pray about the whole situation and have tried to find ways to connect with them.

Good luck

MuppetMama · #5 (**permalink**) 06-15-2004, 06:22 PM

I struggle with this mostly in the gform of snideness from my teen. The preteen does some but his is more argueing with as in explaining in excess his case, even after we say it is FINAL. The older is just snippy or says something normal but in a TONE. The 5 year old just started being a little sassy since going to Headstart and being around a variety of kids with a WIDE variety of personalities! Wow. Sometimes I can deal with it in a clear and moderate manner but i have had times where i lost it and was furious, especially over name calling by the oldest to his brothers. Still trying to figure out the best way to handle it.

littlecmom · #6 (**permalink**) 08-03-2004, 01:07 PM

I haven't found nothing that will work. I can tell her no more t.v. till she can act right and I get the respond I don't care ground it from me forever. She is only 8 years old. She does listen to her dad better than she does me. She does got alittle bit of chores but no many. I thought about rewarding her like others but didn't know if that would work either. She is good when she is with other people besides me. Any ideas would be happy to this little ol mom...

Abear · #7 (**permalink**) 08-03-2004, 06:35 PM

The only thing I have found that works is to not make empty threats. If you say no t.v. , then it is no t.v. until said time....no matter what is coming on or how much YOU want to give in.

Once you set & stick to the boundaries/punishments, they'll know you mean business.

It took my DD longer to catch on to this than the two DS - of course they are younger so maybe they learned by watching me follow through with DD.

Tulsa_prlgl · #8 (**permalink**) 01-14-2005, 01:16 PM

When My 6 year old son backtalks he has to clean his toilet. This is the one thing that I hate to do (and so does he) when do boys ever learn how to aim ????

But, all I have to do is pull the scrubber out and the jaw snaps shut.

Wish it would work for his probs at school though.... perhaps when he acts up he has to go clean the school bathrooms??? hmmmmmm