Parenting IssuesAdoption, kids going to college, multiple children, step parenting, empty nesters, pregnancy issues and more. stay at home parents, working parents, so much to discuss here!
How do you or did you talk about death to your children? What age? Did you take them to funerals?
When my children were tolders I did not take them to viewings or funerals. When they were in elementary and middle school ages. We took them ot the viewings of grandparents and other family members. We did not make them go to the funeral.
Now as teens and adults. I ask them to go to funerals or the viewing of a family member or close friend.
I always took the time to sit and talk and also listen to my children about the person that we had just loss. The hardest 1 was my nephew at 21 yrs old(8yrs ago) he was driving drunk and killed himself and 3 other people in his car. This was hard on my children sense they were close to my nephew. We also used this experience as a learning tool against drinking.
That's so sad, and he was so young My kids have been lucky in that they haven't had to deal with any family members dying yet. They had a grandmother that died, but she was estranged from us and they didn't even know her. They have a grandfather who is getting up there, so it's inevitable. My kids have only been to one wake, that was for one of their friend's mom. She had a grand mall seizure (not sure if i spelled that right) that killed her (she had many). Only two of the kids went.
We have had a few deaths that have been family members and 1 a close friend.
We haven't let the children go to the funerals, but I think Kelsey is at the age where we would give her the option now to go.
We spoke to all the children when the deaths happened and about why mum and dad cried.
We do take them all to the crematorium, all the family members are at the same crematorium, so we tell them that we are going to Heavens Garden and they can say their own prayers, hold their own thoughts and they know they can ask anything they need to know. We tell them exactly as it is (even the smaller one) what has happened (obviously in a simplified manner)
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My dd1 's first experience at a viewing was when she was about 2, my greatgrandmother passed away. We left her with the girl sittig for my sisters kids. She cried the entire time so the sitter asked someone to watch the kids for her while she brought dd1 to me.
DS first experience was not until he was about 7 when my grandmother dies, no viewings or funerals to attend before that.
I think dd's 2 & 3 first was when my sister passed. They were 7 and 2. They were well behaved, and respectfull of others there. every one commented on how well behaved they were since they were so young.
When my mom passed, Maddie asked me "Is NeeNee sleeping?" I told her thet GOD needed a new angel, and he knew NeeNee was really sick. He asked her if she would be an angel for him ans she said yes." It was the perfect answer. When Maddie sees a feather in the yard or whereever, she says "NeeNee angel must have been here."
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I can't say that I ever remember my mom (parents) discussing death with my older sister and I, I can honestly say I remember attending (wiggly) the funerals as a child though. Even in my early teens my GM told me our family dog (which my sister and I were raised around before we adopted, and then gave to them when we moved) had died and she mentioned it in a casual conversation (she didn't know I wasn't told)...I cried for hours, and then I yelled at my mom and dad for not telling me. Their only defense was that they thought I wouldn't care because we hadn't had the dog for the past five (5) years - even though they knew I was (still am) an over sensitive child.
Yet many of the preschools I have had training / worked in have had books and they discuss death as a life cycle similar to the changing of the weather, but for longer periods of time. Some have even assisted parents while talking about a friend /family who had passed away - staying away from using words like deep sleep, long slumber, non-waking sleep so that children do not fear dying in their sleep.
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the funeral I remember going to the most was when I was in 7th grade to a uncle and cousin funeral.
I not sure if I went to others or not before then, but I do know there were deaths.
My kids went to one that was of thier grandmother back in the 80's. I guess my daughter was about 10, and my son was 6,
we explain that she went to heaven to be with GOD. It didn't bother them much. My dd didn't have much emotions and didn't allow things like this get to her, my son was to young in many ways and didn't really know her that well.
My grandkids went back in April when my dh passed away. The oldest one knew her papa was going to die and she was more concern about me than the death of papa. We always kept it open that we never knew when GOD would call him home. The gson, was not that close to him, and the youngest gd who was 8
it hit her hard.
When it happened I was with my dd when she told the kids. We explain that papa's body was like a shell, there was the inner and outer part. The inner part is what goes to heaven, the outer part remains for us to see and to say goodbye to, and that is the part that they will bury.
The grandkids are 10,9,8.
Again like I mention they knew thie papa health was not good. Therefore if one is not in good health and death could happen they should be made aware of the health and not allow it to be a shock.. of course it does depend on the understanding a child has, and how close are they to the one that is sick.
of course with the girls they could see that thie papa had bad days.
During the memoral I allow the gkids to take part in it, each one made a poster in the way they wanted to to put up at the memorial.
One did a coloring page and then put her fav pics of her and her papa on it, the other one
color a big king size coloring papa, with a daffy duck and mention how her papa was funny to, and then glue pics of her with papa
on a smaller poster.
They said that this helps the child to grief and to allow them to know they are important as well...
My kids grew up on the farm and saw animals and pets die from an early age on. Even though we had some sad times they learned that death is a part of life for all things.
We also took our kids along to the funeral home and funerals since they were young. We have a large extended family and live in a small community and there were many occassions for them to experience this.
We view death not as an ending, but the beginning of a new and much better life in heaven for those who believe.
Adoption, kids going to college, multiple children, step parenting, empty nesters, pregnancy issues and more. stay at home parents, working parents, so much to discuss here!
My kids have been lucky in that they haven't had to deal with any family members dying yet. They had a grandmother that died, but she was estranged from us and they didn't even know her. They have a grandfather who is getting up there, so it's inevitable. My kids have only been to one wake, that was for one of their friend's mom. She had a grand mall seizure (not sure if i spelled that right) that killed her (she had many). Only two of the kids went.
:pumpki nsg 
