elderly neighbor

trainlady · #1 (**permalink**) 09-03-2007, 07:51 PM

I have an dear neighbor. Her name is Dorothy and she is 87 years old. Still quite independent but she is starting to get lost when she drives and is becoming very forgetful.
Both me and another neighbor check in on her.
Her son has asked me to help her with errands, etc but she will NOT have it.
I bring her plates of food once or twice a week but she has told me to "stop that" because she "doesn't cook and can't pay me back." It made me feel good to do this for her and I was not looking for repayment. Her son thanks me for bringing her meals over and she tells me to stop........so I have but I am wondering what you all think I CAN do to help her?

hugs, train

**Sammi1961** · #2 (**permalink**) 09-07-2007, 07:40 AM

Donna, I bet visiting her is one of the best things you can do - your company can make a long lonely day less lonely. I am not sure if her son lives nearby or not but if not I would also keep him informed on her (health, her getting lost etc.) so he can arrange help for her if and when the time comes. And what about inviting her over to your house for tea of the occasional dinner? Would that work? So many elderly often don't accept help or gifts because they feel they cannot repay it but I bet she realizes how lucky she is to have you and Mark for neighbors.

mbybee · #3 (**permalink**) 09-07-2007, 07:49 AM

I agree that your company is even more important than the food. If it is difficult for her to get out, perhaps you could bring lunch for both of you and then sit down and eat together. You could tell her it helps you too so neither one of you has to be alone. If she still asks you not to bring food, stop doing so for a while but continue to visit. Maybe for your lunches together, she could make coffee or set out bread, etc. so she could contribute but it wouldn't be burdensome for her.

**Coll** · #4 (**permalink**) 09-07-2007, 01:45 PM

I think what I would do is take the lunch /dinner over and say I made too much again and hate to throw it out. Or take enough for two and enjoy eating with her.

trainlady · #5 (**permalink**) 09-10-2007, 08:34 PM

Thanks, guys!
I've taken your advice and have "just" been visiting her. She seems to like this better. I only wish she didn't feel she had to pay me back. We invite her over and/or out lots of times but she usually prefers to stay home. I know she loves to sit in the backyard and chat though and so that's what I will continue to do!

hugs, train

**Coll** · #6 (**permalink**) 09-11-2007, 09:32 AM

train, your neighbor liking to sit in the back yard and chat would be a great opportunity to take tea and cookies, or iced tea and cold sandwiches over. You could say you hate lunching alone. Or you could take a small fruit salad.

trainlady · #7 (**permalink**) 09-11-2007, 09:48 PM

Good idea! I'll try that and let you know how it goes!!

hugs, train

bensmom526 · #8 (**permalink**) 01-11-2008, 01:47 PM

Ive been helping my neighbors with errand and paperwork and medical claims etc. they wanted to pay me...I told them how about an exchange..I'll do this for a cup of coffee
this way they call me and I can help out while the coffee is brewing and they prepare a snack =0)

Bunny · #9 (**permalink**) 01-11-2008, 02:50 PM

There is a couple of neighbors that think that I need extra help and some times thay bring food or snacks I realy do appricate it but I realy enjoy just their company, and thay come and make sure that I dont have to go to the store or anything I love them as if thay are family.

**Sammi1961** · #10 (**permalink**) 01-14-2008, 04:45 AM

Bunny, it is really nice to have neighbors like that. Too many people in this world don't even know their neighbors so it is nice to know there are places where neighbors still look out for each other