Juggling work and a love life

[trainlady]

How do you juggle work...in or outside of the home...and a love life?

This is a real challenge in our marriage right now and quite honestly, well, there's not much of a love life at all.
We work opposite schedules and one of us is literally going to work when the other is just getting home.
How do you keep the love life alive in your marriage, even if you don't work opposite schedules?
Think of me as a new bride...LOL!!!
What advice would you give to a new bride about keeping the passion alive in her marriage? !!

peace,train

[sharona]

Expect and give a kiss hello and goodbye. Walk each other to the car when one of you is leaving. Hold hands when you are together. Say I love you at least 3 times a day. Write a sexy message on the bathroom mirror in bright red lipstick, and follow through. Even if it means less sleep for you. Meet for lunch, his schedule or yours. It's tough, but worth it. Do something totally silly together when you do have time. Walk in the rain, take a hot shower together after. Hey! You're saving water! LOL Snuggle on the couch. Be a pest about it. We've worked opposite shifts, 20 hour days and raised our son. It's not easy, but worth it!

Sharon

[LJsmom]

Hi Train,
Dh and I had that same schedule for years and I know how you feel. Around the holidays when things get hectic I used to send a Christmas card or lovey card to him every day just to tell him I loved him etc. some were goofy, others not. This way he got part of me each day even though physically I wasn't there.

[Txchef_fran]

I leave little notes in the strangest places for my DH if i am going to be gone. We are not aprat very often for a long period of time so I don't really have this problem. BUT twice a year I go out of town with my direct sales job and he goes through anxiety. This past summer I left for Chicago at 5am. He was already at work and i called him BUT when he got home form owrk there was dinner in the fridge and a note on counter that said better make this last a couple days!! Love ya!!

Then in bathroom I left a note (used dry erase markers on mirror) it said listen to song 5 of CD on bed.

He said he listened to it the whole time whenever he was in the car. now everytime he hears in on the radio he thinks of that.

It truly is the little things that count.

[Melanie]

One of the most important things hubby and I do is to have our date night every Friday night. We usually go out to dinner, but if we're low on money, we go to Border's bookstore and hang out in the cafe, thumbing through magazines and books! Hey, at least we get to be alone.

We've been married 19 years and have 2 teenage sons - and we're still very much in love with each other.

~Melanie in IL

[crafteelady]

Make everything (good!) count. Make sure you at least have one day together. Not for running errands or cleaning, etc. Just time together. My DH works 6am to 2pm m-f, I work 12pm to 9pm m-f and on Sat/Sun I work 4-12 & 12-7. While that doesn't sound too rough, he is going to bed when I get home - If I'm home at 9pm!! Usually I do the grocery shopping or errands while the stores are still open at night. Then I come home do the laundry and clean while he is sleeping. We try to make enough time to spend quality time. Saturday I got up extra early and we went apple picking. We were out early enough that there were not too many people, we had a lovely walk holding hands and talking. The apples were a bonus.
Make sure to have enough communication, by phone or note. Let the little things go as far as discussion time. When I have the time to talk to my husband I don't mention the wet towel left on the bathroom floor or that he forgot (again!) to take out the trash. I talk with him about us.
When I made his lunch the other day, I used a ghost cookie cutter and made ghost sandwiches. One guy at work said to him "I wish my wife would do stuff like that". He took teases from other guys but he didn't care. He knew I was thinking of him and wanted to make him smile and think of me!
Since you are concerned about this issue enough to post on it, I am sure you will find a way. Don't smother - just love!
Best of luck!

[kimmyo]

My husband and I have worked opposite shifts for the past 3 years. We have been married for 19 years and have 2 teenage children. I have Wednesdays off so we have a standing date to spend every Wednesday together until he has to leave for work. We always have a special lunch out on those days. Sometimes he suprises me and comes to visit me at my office and takes me to lunch. Sometimes I suprise him and take him supper at work. We spend every weekend we are off together as a family. I always call him to say goodnight and he always calls me to say hello every morning. I don't think the amount of time you spend together is as important as the quality of the time you have together! Our "lovelife" may not be as frequent as some but I guarantee you we make the absolute most of the time we have together.

[trainlady]

Thank you ladies, for all your wonderful ideas.
We do try to make the best of the time off we have together but it seems that by the time we get the lawn mowed, house cleaned, groceries bought, errands done, it's time to go back to work again!! But that's life, I realize!

Sharona, we do walk each other to the cars in the morning and we do try to meet for lunch once a week. Last week I made us a picnic lunch and surprised Mark at the park across the street!!
I like your idea about taking a walk in the rain together..and the red lipstick on the mirror!!!

LJsmom, I love your idea about the holiday cards...I think I will do that this year!! I can just imagine the office ladies wanting to see what he is getting in the mail everyday!!!

Txchef Fran, I agree with you, it is the little things that count!! I used to leave notes for my husband but kind of got out of the habit. That is a good idea to start again.

Hi Melanie. We used to have a date night too but that also fell apart after I started working the graveyard shift. Your note inspired me to remember just how important time together with each other is and like you said, even if it is just at a Border's Bookstore Cafe!!

Crafteelady, I agree with you about quality time being more important than quantity time. I think I need to focus an getting more of the housework done during the week so we have more time together on Saturday (which is basically our only day off together. I do have Sunday but I go to bed at noon or One for my shift that evening.) You and your husband sound like you have a wonderful relationship. Ghost sandwiches...now that is cool!! I did something similair on Halloween...I grilled hamburgers and then made pumpkin cutouts out of the cheese to put on top!!! They were pretty cute!!!!

And Kimmyo, I think you and your husband sound like you have a wonderful marriage too and are proof that you CAN make an opposite schedule work!!

Thank you again to ALL of you for your encouragement for my marriage!! You have inspired me!!

peace,train