Miss My Husband

[Juliecc913]

No, he hasn't gone anywhere and I feel bad even posting this when I know there are military wives on this forum whose husbands are away and in danger.

However, my DH works two jobs so that I can stay home with our boys. I appreciate this immensely and value him for doing this. He works so we can pay the bills, not so we can get ahead or anything. Our heads are just bobbing at the surface in the money area. Our luxuries are lunch out on Wednesdays (so we can see him) and lunch out after church (it's a family tradition); basic cable, the internet on an old computer, our local newspaper and that's about it. We don't drink, smoke, go out to movies or anything like that. We have one family vehicle and my husband has a paid for motorcycle that is his only transportation (and we live in Kansas--the only time he doesn't ride is when it is snowy), our son goes to preschool (3 days a week for 2 1/2 hours) and that is it--no karate lessons or gymnastics, or music classes or anything. Basically we do nothing outside our home that costs money.

DH leaves for his first job at 6:15 a.m. He works until 3:30 p.m. and then goes to his second job from 4:00 p.m. until he arrives home at 9:30 p.m. Obviously, our four year old was asleep when he left and asleep when he gets home. When DH comes home, he needs quiet time to unwind so he can get to sleep and start the routine over the next day. He does not work on Saturday so he can sleep in a bit and we have some family time and he tries to do something for himself. On Sunday he works one job from 5:00 a.m. to 10:30 a.m., we go out to eat, then he takes a nap and then he tries to take care of paperwork, etc.

We see so very little of him and we miss him. We talk on the phone a couple of times each day and I'm grateful for that.

I guess I just want those of you who have a more full time partner and daddy to tell that you appreciate them and are glad they are around. Enjoy the time that you get with them--even their presence in the house.

I miss my guy.

[Sueanne]

Julie..... It is very hard today to make ends meet. I know you have four children too which takes alot of money to just feed and clothe. Think it is the weather that is making you sad. How old are your children? Have you talked to your husband about how you are feeling? I must say you have a good husband to be able to work two jobs. You are always there for everyone let us be there for you at this time.
____________
Sueanne

[Dadia]

(((Juliecc913))) Your post makes me want to cry! I can't say I know how you feel, but I do know what feeling lonely is like. You & DH are going through the "hard work" time of marriage/life - working hard to pay the bills, working hard to raise the children, etc. with little time and/or money left over for "fun" - all at a time when you could certainly use both time AND money!

Is there a way you could trade some babysitting with a friend & have some time away from the house just for YOU? I know this wasn't your "issue", but it really could do you lots of good! Yes, I realize you think you'd only feel guilty because DH works so hard & has no time.....but you need to do what you can for yourself, as well. Feeling like a single Mom is very tough and lonely, and I know your DH must appreciate that, as well. Besides, your NOT doing something for yourself doesn't really change HIS situation. Does that make sense to you? (I wrestled with quitting my job, as my DH has a degenerative disease, until I realized that he will STILL have to work for insurance benefits, etc. and besides that he would HATE not being able to be gainfully employed...he'd go stir-crazy within a week..so my feeling guilty about HIS working hard really didn't have that much to do with our deciding I should stay at home.)

OR....if your older 3 children are all in school, could you perhaps take in a couple of children for after-school care so that maybe DH could work fewer hours on his 2nd job? Or babysit another child close in age to your 4 y/o?? If not that, is there some hobby you enjoy or would like to get involved with that might bring in a little extra cash from time to time. (I know......who has time for a hobby when they're raising 4 children almost single-handedly?!) Just trying to think of SOMEthing...but I bet you've already thought through all this many times.

I will pray for you & your family. God bless you.

[Juliecc913]

You are both so sweet. Yes, I am lucky to have a DH who can work two jobs. We do have four children--all boys--our situation is a bit different in that we have older children and then God's blessing with the younger one. The older boys are 21 (he's in college so that is a financial drain, of course), 18 (he is a high school senior (so off to college in the fall another drain just beginning) and 17 (he is a junior in high school). The boys will all have some college loan obligations but we want to help out as much as we can. We did have some college money set aside (much more before the stock market tanked). Anyway, I didn't want anyone to think that we weren't expecting the boys to pay for portions of their college.

It would seem that we have built in babysitters with the 17 and the 18 year old ,but that isn't the case ;too much anyway. The 17 year old has mental health issues that make him not a safe choice for caring for the 4 year old (who is a handful). The 18 year old watches him for me sometimes but he's off enjoying his senior year, is on a basketball team, is taking a college class in addition to high school and works part time.

I do feel very guilty about taking any time for myself. My DH is very loving and wants me to do it when I can just as I want him to when he can. We do what we can, when we can. But with time so limited we want to be together when there is time and, of course, the little one wants to be with us because he misses daddy too. I try to give them their time

As far as trading sitting with friends, etc. Due to the circumstances, we are older parents (we are almost 45 and 48). Our contemporaries are all in the next phase of their life (like we thought we would be). They are back at work, traveling, etc. My son's preschool is not a neighborhood type thing so people drive from all areas of the surrounding 5 suburbs to go there for a true preschool situation rather than a mommy's day out or day care. This is a choice we've made and it is a much cheaper alternative besides.

I have thought about trying to take in another child to babysit but, as I've said, our 17 year old is odd and I'm sure that if I were another parent I wouldn't want my little one in the same house as someone like that. It is very difficult to describe and he (the 17 year old ) can be a sweet kid but he has problems.

I'm sure the weather has something to do with the way I feel and I'm sure their are others who have similar or worse financial problems. It's just our situation is one where we've already been there done that--the struggling when the older boys were younger and now here we are again only it's worse because we are older and I worry about DH health.

Didn't mean this to come off as whining in this. I appreciate your good thoughts, suggestions and prayers Sueanne and Dadia. They really mean alot. Thank you.

[Dadia]

(((Julie))) Not to worry about sounding like a whiney-hiney! I just 'read" a very frustrated and tired wife/mom who's nearly at the end of her stretched-out elastic and "wants her Daddy home" more!

DH & I are 49 and, as much as we LOVE and thoroughly enjoy our 2 grandkids (2 yrs. & 9 yrs.), after a weekend with them we are absolutely SHOT! I can't imagine having to attempt to keep up with a 4 yr. old on a fulltime basis. And, yet, at the same time, I know he must bring you both so much joy! ( hahahaha....was just thinking....I bet the news of this last pregnancy was one of those "good news / bad news" types! )

Will keep you in my prayers. Pls keep us posted on how you're doing. If you lived anywhere nearby I'd be more than happy to 'practice my grandmothering' with your son and give you a break.

God bless you & yours.

[Juliecc913]

What a sweetheart you are Dadia. Oh and yes, the surprise that I thought must be the start of menopause was quite startling! Thanks for your prayers and kind thoughts. You're right, we do get worn out. (I have no idea what this "oh, he'll keep you young means!)

Have a great week.

[Dadia]

Thank you, Julie! It's nice to have met a new friend here!

As for the "he'll keep you young" comments....It's rather like the old "bless your heart" REALLY meaning "that was SOOOO stupid!!!"


What is probably ACTUALLY meant is "phewww!! Better y'all than us!!" hahahaha

[Juliecc913]

Thanks Dadia. You made me laugh.